Second Time Around
by fc2001
Summary: The secrets and lies may be over, but there's a whole story still to be told RayNeela
1. Chapter 1

**Notes **: This is the much-demanded sequel to "Secrets and Lies". The first story got such a phenomenal response; it seemed only fair to follow it up

**Spoilers **: Anything in the first half of season 11 is fair game, but for the record the events of "Here and There" never happened. I don't plan on using any explicit spoilers anyway.

**Content Warning**: Initially, nothing.

**Rating**: FRT for now.

**Disclaimer**: ER and its characters are the property of Michael Crichton, John Wells, Amblin Entertainment and Constant C Productions. No infringement intended and these characters are used within without permission. In other words, I don't own everyone and everything you recognize, but I do own Jenny and Mina. Besides, I own nothing worth having except my car (who's 18) and a toaster, so I'd suggest not suing.

** Second Time Around**

**Chapter One**

"Hey - " Bret said, wandering up the hallway to lean against his roommates doorframe. "I forgot to ask – when you coming back?"

Ray looked up momentarily from packing, a slight look of puzzlement crossing his face. Bret was wearing a slightly amused expression, noting the chaos in which his room currently lay.

"Didn't I say?"

Bret shook his head to indicate no. Ray shrugged.

"I'm working Saturday night." He said eventually, by way of answer.

"Right." Bret noted, to fill the silence. He considered his roommate a long moment, before speaking again. "Looking forward to it?"

Ray raised an eyebrow, confused. Bret smiled.

"Thanksgiving, I mean. Your weekend away."

"Sure. I guess." Another shrug. "It's going to be weird."

"You can say that again." Bret took a long drink from the water bottle in his hand. "These last few days have been some trip."

There was a pregnant pause as both men considered the implications of what seemed an innocuous enough comment. Bret broke into a trademark grin and broke the silence again.

"Karen'll never believe it."

Ray suspected Bret couldn't wait to tell Karen all that had happened over the last week. To talk to someone outside of their four walls about the drama of the last few days.

Initially, Bret hadn't believed it either. The look on his roommates face when he'd first heard about Mina had been nothing short of thunderous, which had been unexpected.

The accusations had flown – but Ray had calmly countered them all – yes, it had been why she'd left but, no, he certainly had not thrown her out, she had left of her own accord, and she'd never said a word about being pregnant. Bret seemed insistent on believing the best of Neela, but at that comment his face had fallen flat, and he had been visibly thrown.

"Probably not." Ray replied, imagining her face.

Karen Taylor – his roommate's only sibling – and someone he hadn't seen in a comfortably long time. He knew she was a happily married mother-of-one, sensible and responsible. A far cry from her black-haired, fake-tattooed, sullen pot smoking teenage self, the 16-year-old rebel he'd first met.

Being her older brother's best friend had made him somewhat of an idol to her – though that was not without its discomfort as he remembered. Nothing had ever happened – it was just a bad case of unrequited teenage love and she got over it. But her words, the words of a bitterly rejected teenager, that had told him he would never grow up, that he'd always be a "useless waste of space with a fear of commitment and an attitude problem," rang clear as day. What she was going to think when she found out about Mina? He could only imagine.

"You seeing her for Thanksgiving?"

He changed his line of thought abruptly, not caring to dwell too much on what other people, in particular Bret's baby sister, thought of his situation. Not when he wasn't entirely sure what he thought about his situation yet.

Bret nodded, shoulders lifted in a resigned half shrug.

"She's invited me over for dinner." Bret's tone was a cross between flat and sullen. "I still don't like the jerk she's married to, but I won't punish her and Becca for my personal prejudices."

The smile this time was a little more forced. Ray knew the thought of spending the holiday with his sister and brother-in-law was torture to Bret, especially after they'd made plans to avoid family this time around. But the last week had changed things.

"And it's not like I have anyplace else to be."

Bret finished, levity failing him. Ray straightened, faced his roommate for the first time.

"Look, Bret, I'm sorry." It was a loaded, awkward apology, but it was all he could say. His loyalties were elsewhere. "I know all this has been really last minute."

"We live together, we ain't married. Don't stress it." Bret laughed. "Mina comes first. I get that."

He finished solemnly, before he smiled broadly in an attempt to diffuse the situation and turned to walk away.

"Be sure and say hi to Neela for me."

Bret tossed lightly over his shoulder as he disappeared down the hallway.

O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O

Brake lights snaked ahead of him into the far distance, a blinking stream of red. He rolled his shoulders, stretched out his neck, preparing to be in this jam for the long haul. In retrospect, he should have left earlier. It would not make a good impression if he was late.

He sighed as he eyed the endless line of cars, knowing that lateness was now inevitable. He'd been so keen to make this weekend perfect. To not do anything to jeopardize any future visits to his daughter. This had not been part of the plan.

He wanted to get to know his little girl. Mina currently was a stranger to him. Was that his fault? Could he be blamed for not feeling a connection to his child? It certainly hadn't been instantaneous when they had met, as he'd always imagined it would be. As he'd always heard it would be. It wasn't because he didn't want to feel connected to her, and it certainly was not because she wasn't an adorable child. Mina was perfect – a miniature version of her mother. He loved her unconditionally, he just didn't know her. That, he decided, underlined the difference between him being her father and being her dad. The former was his current situation, the latter was his aim.

And of her mother, he still didn't know where he stood. She had left because she had been afraid, he knew that, but he found it difficult to pin down what she had feared. That he'd have forced her to get rid of it? Of how he'd react to being told the news a second time, after what happened to Abby? Or was what she was most frightened of that he would have had the opposite reaction – that he would have stayed and stuck it out with her? Her reactions and her expressions had confused him. And at the root of it all, there were still brief glimpses of anger. Anger at her deception, and at being cheated of so many of Mina's important moments – her first word, her first step, her first Christmas.

But neither of them could turn back time now. The five years and the bitter words were said and done. And they had now to make best of the situation that they'd found themselves in. He drummed his fingers absently, almost in time to the music, and felt familiar nerves coil in his stomach. He prayed to whatever God it was that brought them here that this weekend wasn't a total disaster. For Mina's sake, as well as his own.

O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O

"Neela - " Jenny snapped, the constant movement frustrating her. "Neela – will you stop the whirling dervish routine just for a second? You've checked everything. We've cleaned this house top to bottom."

She placed her hands square on Neela's shoulders and stopped the other woman in her frenetic tracks.

"Not that I know why you're so bothered anyway."

Jenny shrugged.

"I don't want him thinking I'm bringing our daughter up in squalor,"

Neela replied, and Jenny snorted.

"Squalor? He's a single guy - " Jenny threw up a hand. "Neela. He's a single guy. This place, even in the state it was in, would have been paradise."

Neela checked her watch anxiously.

"Have you got everything?" She asked. Jenny sighed wearily, ticking the items off on her fingers as she spoke.

"Turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie." Jenny rolled her eyes at Neela's worried, neurotic expression. "All in the fridge…or at least, the ingredients are."

Neela let out a long breath.

"Good." She tapped her watch face, glanced out the window. "Where the hell is he?"

If she sounded impatient, that was because she felt it. This was his first visit to them. This was his first proper meeting with his daughter, and almost as importantly with Jenny. Neela was determined that things go well. Him being late wasn't the best start.

"What time did he say he was going to be here?" Jenny asked casually, scanning up and down their street for any unfamiliar passing cars.

"I told him to get here before 3." Jenny flicked a quizzical gaze to her best friend. Neela elaborated.

"That's when Mina's back. I wanted him to be here when she was dropped off."

"She doesn't know he's coming?" Jenny asked, a surprised inflection in her tone. Neela shrugged.

"No?" She ventured eventually. Jenny raised her eyebrows and rolled her eyes again, her expression telling Neela all she needed to know about what the redhead was thinking.

"Oh boy." Jenny muttered, exhaling deliberately. "Well, looks like he got here."

Jenny non-sequitured and Neela looked confused. With a tilt of her head, Jenny indicated the dark green Honda now visible through their front-room window. Neela's stomach pitched, her heart thundering. Now, all this worrying and fretting, this was real. She silently crossed her fingers as she watched Jenny walk to the front door to let him in.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes**: This is the much-demanded sequel to "Secrets and Lies". The first story got such a phenomenal response; it seemed only fair to follow it up.

**Spoilers**: Anything in the first half of season 11 is fair game, but for the record the events of "Here and There" never happened. I don't plan on using any explicit spoilers anyway.

**Content Warning: **Nothing.

**Rating** : FRT for now.

**Disclaimer** : ER and its characters are the property of Michael Crichton, John Wells, Amblin Entertainment and Constant C Productions. No infringement intended and these characters are used within without permission. In other words, I don't own everyone and everything you recognize, but I do own Jenny and Mina. Besides, I own nothing worth having except my car (who's 18) and a toaster, so I'd suggest not suing.

**Second Time Around - Chapter Two**

When he finally composed himself enough to climb out of the car, the front door was already open. Standing there, silhouetted by the doorframe, was a woman he didn't recognise. But from the way she was looking at him, he could only assume that it was Jenny.

He hesitated – unsure whether her expression was friendly or guarded – before walking slowly towards her. She wasn't quite what he'd expected – and from the long, red hair to the impenetrable gray eyes she looked confident and formidable.

For the first time in his life, was he feeling intimidation?

Jenny kept up the steely gaze until he got within two steps of her, when she plastered a bright smile on her face, and offered her hand generously.

"Hey." The tone was light, and her handshake was solid. "Ray, right? I'm Jenny."

She released his hand and turned into the hallway.

"Just put your stuff down there." Jenny spoke without turning round. "You're on the sofa bed, it's not like I can take it to your room or anything."

Ray was having a hard time keeping up with Jenny's tone, which seemed to flit between welcoming and slightly bitter. He just shook his head, dropped the bag by the stairs, and followed her into the living room.

"Hey." Neela opened, suitably neutral. Jenny stopped, flicked a gaze between the two, and then decided to make an excuse to be scarce from the scene.

"Coffee, anyone?"

She offered, gesturing vaguely towards the kitchen. Neela nodded absently.

"Ray?" Jenny questioned.

"Yeah. Thanks." He said absently. Jenny twitched, and stopped. "Just black is fine,"

He added, pre-empting the redhead's question, answering that way because he was convinced he'd need all the caffeine he could to get through the next hours. Jenny finally wandered away.

"So, good drive up?" Neela asked, tone carefully neutral.

"Uh, yeah. I guess. The traffic sucked – that's why I'm late." The answer was awkward, trivial and forced. Neela shrugged.

"S'ok. You made it before she got here anyway." He just stared at her, expression completely baffled.

"Mina. She's at a friend's." Neela elaborated quickly, fussing at her hem of her shirt with the fingers of one hand and avoiding eye contact. "I wanted you to be here when she got back."

"She doesn't know?"

"Technically, no." Neela answered, a wistful smile curling her lips. "But you've met her, Ray. Secretly, she knows."

"Yeah."

He agreed flatly, again disturbed by the feeling of disconnection deep down. He hoped this weekend could go some way to filling that hole.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

At 5 minutes past 3, a silver people carrier pulled up to the kerb outside the house. The driver got out, and released from the back seat a ball of nervous energy. Mina shot past the woman with barely a thank you, her hair flying behind her and streamed up the garden path.

Her mother just had time to get the door open before the 5 year old flung herself headlong into it. Mina wrapped herself around her mother's legs excitedly, breathing hard, cheeks flushed.

Neela smiled broadly.

"Hey honey." She greeted, moving away from the door with some difficulty, dragging the weight of her child with her. "How was Penny?"

"Who's here, mommy?" Mina babbled, ignoring her mother's question. "There's another car. Is it daddy? Has daddy come to see us?"

"Well, Mina, if you let go of my legs, maybe we can go see."

Neela sighed, slightly exasperated. Mina released her leg and before Neela could control her shot away through the open living room door. She bulleted past Jenny, who almost spilled the coffee she was carrying, and threw herself enthusiastically at her father.

"Daddy!" The shriek was ear-piercing. Almost on reflex, Ray was forced to catch his daughter mid-air. She immediately wrapped herself around him, making herself instantly at home.

"Hey, Mina." Jenny greeted. The child barely flinched, attention firmly focussed on their visibly shell-shocked visitor. "Nice to see you too."

Jenny deadpanned, handing a mug to Neela. She flashed Neela a nervous smile. Neela brought the mug to her lips slowly, rolling her eyes.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The rest of the evening was a blur. Dinner was a mad frenzy of activity, Mina chatting animatedly about all the details of her day, messily shovelling food into her mouth as she talked before her mother marched her upstairs to bed.

Once the five year old was settled and asleep, the atmosphere in the house was once again awkward and too quiet. Jenny had tried to punctuate the silence with odd, awkward questions, but he'd been too confused and overwhelmed to give any more than one-word answers. He didn't think the redhead was too impressed with that. He certainly was not making a good first impression on her.

It had been an early night, as a result. Even the goodnights had been awkward. Neela had slipped almost silently from the room, leaving Jenny to pull out the sofa bed and hand him sheets.

"_Sleep well." _

Had been her parting shot. Again, her tone was difficult. Bitter or genuine? He was finding her very challenging. This was going to be a tough few days – Neela was distant and defensive, and he was staying in the house of someone he didn't think liked him all that much.

The only bright spot was Mina. When she was in the room, the three adults had a common focus. And she hadn't stopped smiling since she'd gotten back and found him in the living room. Which could only be a good sign.

Now, as he lounged rangily against the doorframe that led into the dining room, he was physically and emotionally exhausted. And he still had Thanksgiving dinner to get through.

But, he thought as he took in the laid table, Neela was clearly out to make this special. She was clearly determined everything had to be just so. He watched her silently for a second, busily pulling imaginary creases from the table linen and adjusting the crockery one last time.

She had gone the whole nine yards with this.

"Wow." He broke the silence. She snapped her head up, movement instantly stilled. "Who knew?"

Neela smiled at the surprise on his face.

"Is it up to scratch then?"

Neela delivered a sharp mental slap, wiped the smile from her face, and fidgeted with the silverware nervously. The tone had been too familiar, edging on the vaguely flirtatious, and that wasn't right. That wasn't what this weekend was about.

"Well…" He drawled, eyes no longer locked on the table but on her. She shifted uncomfortably. "Obviously, it has to pass the taste test. But it looks pretty good."

Neela straightened and stiffened her posture, attempting to maintain the safe distance they'd started out with this weekend. The distance that somehow seemed to drop away so easily it frightened her.

"Where's Mina?"

Ray rolled his eyes.

"With Jenny." He replied eventually through a long breath. "Think she finally got bored with me."

He'd been with his daughter all day, whether he liked it or not, she'd attached herself to him this morning and had been determined not to let go. Neela's lips curled into a knowing half-smile.

"Exhausting, isn't she?"

Ray didn't have time to reply, before footsteps announced the arrival of another presence. The redhead stood somewhat theatrically in the living room doorway.

"Jenny." Neela greeted, expression somewhat quizzical. "Where's my daughter? Dinner's ready. "

"Oh, adding the finishing touches." Jenny winked knowingly. "She wanted to look special."

Mina was announced by the rustle of fabric. Neela melted right there and then. It was this years Halloween outfit – the princess dress she'd insisted her mother buy – a vision of pink faux-satin and sparkly plastic tiara. Mina was a proper little girl tonight, even if it didn't fit her normal, boisterous self.

"Oh, real pretty." Mina looked suitably gratified by her father's approval. "Like a proper princess. Right, mom?"

Neela just smiled wistfully.

"Shall we eat?"

She offered eventually, breaking the moment.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"You've had enough." Neela commanded firmly, ignoring the pleading look on her daughter's face. Mina flicked her imploring gaze onto her father instead, hoping those deep brown eyes would melt him. He shook his head.

"Uh-uh, Mina." Ray said, echoing Neela's tone, not softening even a little bit. "Your mother's right."

Mina pouted. Ray stifled a smile at the familiarity of the expression – she looked just like her mother did when she didn't get her own way.

"But you've all had more."

She argued back petulantly, dropping her spoon with a clatter back into the empty bowl.

"And we're all bigger than you." Ray replied. "It's a grown up privilege."

The brown eyes narrowed, clearly in a sulk. Neela felt the storm brewing – her daughter's strops were infamous – and tried to find a way to diffuse the situation and quickly.

"Mina – I'll make a deal with you." Neela locked eyes with Mina. "If you go up to bed now and behave, I'll make sure we keep this in the fridge for tomorrow."

The child looked unconvinced by this deal. Neela exchanged a glance with Ray across the table and prepared the heavy artillery.

"And if you go up now, I'm sure Daddy'll come up and tuck you in." Mina's face visibly softened. "Do we have a deal, Mina?"

Mina slid out of her seat, padded halfway across the room, before turning back as she realised her father wasn't following. She placed her hands on her hips and cocked her head.

"Come on."

She practically demanded.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"So." Jenny opened apprehensively, drying the last of the dinner dishes absently. Neela turned to her, eyebrows raised. She knew that tone. "He wasn't quite what I was expecting."

"No?" Neela tried to sound surprised, angling her body away from her friend.

"No." Jenny confirmed, well aware of the avoidance tactic currently being employed.

"What were you expecting?" Neela turned the conversation around again. Jenny sighed and swatted her friend with the dishtowel playfully.

"Someone a bit more clean-cut, I guess." Jenny answered, thinking hard. "Someone a bit more all-American."

Neela cocked her head, eyes bright and mischievous.

"He's all-American." She replied after a brief pause. "Born and bred in Philadelphia."

Jenny narrowed her eyes.

"You know what I mean, hon, don't pretend you don't." Jenny shot back teasingly. She mused her next words for a second. "I never imagined he'd be…hot."

The last word slipped out almost by accident. Jenny looked marginally sheepish at this admission and Neela's eyebrows practically shot off her face in surprise.

"And you never imagined me saying that did you?"

Jenny laughed lightly.

"That doesn't mean I **like **him, mind you. Just that he's aesthetically pleasing."

Jenny clarified quickly; eager to maintain the protective, guarded best-friend role she'd built up for herself. Neela nodded slowly – the 'yeah, right' nod she was very good at giving her best friend.

"Think we should rescue him?" Jenny gestured towards the stairs, changing the subject with a dizzying rapidity. "He's been up there a while."

"I'll go."

Neela said wearily, handing Jenny the last plate to dry before heading towards the kitchen door.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Each stair seemed to creak under her weight, meaning any hopes of a secretive entrance were already dashed. She sighed, listening for any steps coming in the other direction, indicating that Mina had finally submitted to sleep.

Neela reached the bedroom door and paused outside, hand about to reach for the door handle. Keen ears caught onto the words coming from inside.

"But Daddy…" The beseeching tone was a familiar one. She had learned to be immune. She wasn't sure Ray was quite that experienced with it yet. "Please. I want to show you what I learned at school."

Rustling noises followed, and a faint scraping sound. Neela listened more intently, stomach beginning to turn. Mina may be about to let a stray cat spectacularly out of the bag, and she wasn't sure she could stop it.

"Then I'll go to sleep I promise."

Neela twisted up her courage. She knew Mina was looking for ways to keep her dad's attention, desperate not to let this day end. She pushed the door open.

Mina was knelt by her bedside table, her concentration intent. Ray was watching with something between curiosity and confusion.

"Hey." Neela said softly, announcing her arrival. "Not in bed yet?"

Ray shrugged helplessly.

"Mina. Stop taking advantage of the situation and go to bed." Neela warned darkly, slipping inside the bedroom. The girl turned to her, irritated at the interruption. The pencil continually slipped in damp, excited little hands, making the inevitable all the more painful for Neela. The letters formed slowly.

"Just a minute, mommy. I'm nearly done."

Mina stated impatiently, returning to the paper, her tongue poked out in concentration. Neela rocked back on her heels. Ray tried to meet her eyes, but found them cast aside. His confusion grew more intense, locked into this weird situation where he wasn't quite sure whether he was being disapproved of or pitied or both at once.

After another tense minute, Mina drew back from the bedside table. Her little face beamed with pride at her achievement.

And there, glaring from the bright, white sheet of paper were just two words. Neela blinked rapidly, her mind racing.

Ray took a moment to absorb the scrawled, childish writing.

He looked up very slowly. Neela visibly froze.


	3. Chapter 3

**Spoilers**: Anything in the first half of season 11 is fair game, but for the record the events of "Here and There" never happened. I don't plan on using any explicit spoilers anyway.

**Content Warning: **Nothing.

**Rating**: FRT for now.

**Disclaimer:** ER and its characters are the property of Michael Crichton, John Wells, Amblin Entertainment and Constant C Productions. No infringement intended and these characters are used within without permission. In other words, I don't own everyone and everything you recognize, but I do own Jenny and Mina. Besides, I own nothing worth having except my car (who's 18) and a toaster, so I'd suggest not suing.

Italics as in S & L indicate flashbacks. I plan on using more of them as the story goes on!

**Second Time Around - Chapter Three**

"Right. Mina, bed. Now."

Neela fixed her daughter with a level steely gaze, recovering her senses quickly. The five year old dropped the paper and scampered to her bed. Ray reached to retrieve the paper from where it lay by his feet.

He left the room quietly, folding the paper into his pocket as he did so.

Mina hopped into bed and pulled the covers up around her face. Her features were creased into a confused and slightly apologetic expression.

Neela crossed to the bed, and stooped to place a gentle kiss on her daughter's forehead.

"I'm sorry, mommy."

It was a timid tone, as if the girl wasn't quite sure what she was apologizing for. Neela smiled gently.

"It's OK, Mina. I'm not mad. Its just princesses need their beauty sleep."

Mina snuggled further down, and Neela reached to switch off the bedside light.

"'Night, hon."

"Goodnight, mommy."

A small voice followed her out of the room. She pulled the door shut, and rested against it momentarily, before making her way back downstairs, to the waiting confrontation.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Jenny looked up at her sharply, gray eyes clearly concerned.

"_Are you sure?"_

_She whispered urgently in her ear. Neela nodded slowly but certainly. _

"_It isn't fair any other way."_

_She replied solemnly. Jenny's expression was doubtful. The registrar noted this exchange and paused in his writing. _

"_A problem, miss?"_

_He addressed Jenny, who sat back and plastered an untroubled look on her face. She shook her head._

"_No. Sorry."_

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Neela sighed at the memory. Maybe Jenny had been right. Maybe she had been crazy. With a weight in her heart, she pushed open the living room door.

He was sat on the sofa, the now slightly crumpled paper open in his hand. He was staring at it intently – and Neela found it almost impossible to read his expression.

He was far too tired to get angry. He was just confused. Mina didn't know his second name. Which meant there was one explanation for this. He just needed to hear it from her.

"I know what you must be thinking." Neela opened, tone deflated.

"Do you?" He returned, shoulders lifted in a shrug. "What am I thinking then?"

He wasn't demanding. He wasn't angry. She faltered – and then slipped onto the sofa beside him, keeping her tone deliberately low.

"That there's no way she'd know your name unless…"

"It was actually her name." He finished her sentence, pausing briefly. "Which means…"

"I registered you as her father." Neela cut across his sentence. A vaguely surprised look crossed his face at her bluntness. "She found out when she started school."

"I thought as much." He tugged a hand through his hair. She watched him nervously. "Why?"

"It was only fair." His green eyes flashed with confusion, and she felt hypocritical. Nothing about this was fair, after all. "I didn't know I'd ever see you again. Thought it might stop her growing up to marry a half-brother or something…"

It was her turn to shrug.

"Your name is easier to spell than mine." She added, trying to lighten the mood. He wanted to laugh, but failed.

"Did she…?"

"Ask?" Neela finished. "Oh yeah."

"And?"

"I told her it was her father's name." She gave a bitter half-laugh. "What else could I say?"

"She never wondered why she had my name but I wasn't around?"

There was an incredulous note to his question. He was struggling to make sense of this. It seemed vaguely illogical, and therefore, very unlike Neela. Or at least, unlike the Neela he'd known.

"Ray. Of course she did." Neela sighed. "She asked – over and over actually."

Those few days after Mina started school had been a constant irritation to her. The five year old was always asking questions, and it irked her not to be able to give her a clear answer. To not be able to give her the answer she wanted to. Maybe a little part of her had always clung onto the hope that they would never see the day when Mina had to ask. That by whatever miracle he would have been back in their life by the time she was old enough to understand. How stupid had that been?

"Didn't you think it would mess with her head?"

"Is that a child who's heads been messed with?" Neela faltered when the levity again failed, slumping slightly before she found the words to continue. "I think it gave her hope. I think maybe it gave both of us a little bit of that."

She wished as soon as her words were out that she could take them back. But they were then out, free to filter into his head and do their damage.

"Hope?" The word came out more terse and clipped than he intended. "You as good as said - "

He realized the tone of his voice was rising, and that Neela's face was crumpling. He stopped abruptly, lowered his tone.

"You as good as said that if Abby hadn't been dying, you wouldn't have come back- " The argument filtered back to the forefront of his brain, and he had to shake his head to get rid of the image. "What were you trying to give her hope for?"

He asked disbelievingly. Neela's head snapped up, eyes bright and slightly feverish, words bursting forth before she had a chance to think.

"That she had a father! That he was out there and he was linked to her!" The words were breathless, excitable. "God. I don't know! Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe I was just screwed up."

She finished, voice strained and high in the back of her throat. He regarded her intently, allowing a heavy silence to linger.

"I don't think so." He affirmed quietly. Neela flashed him a confused look. "You've always had your head on pretty straight. But I don't think it was ever about her."

"Ray - "

His name was practically a plea. She didn't want him to say what she feared he would.

"It was about you."

Her head tipped forward into her hands, elbows sharp on the soft flesh of her thighs, and she began to fight rising tears. Tears she had no right to cry. Angry tears – because she knew he was right – and because the final secret was out there.

"Hey." He bit on his bottom lip, momentarily thrown. A tentative hand reached out towards her back. "It's OK. I didn't mean to - "

Neela felt the warmth of his hand hovering centimeters from her back and she flinched. She couldn't. She just couldn't.

"Don't." She snapped bitterly. "Just don't."

She shot upright and wheeled to face him.

"It's her you're here for." The words punched the air and left the momentary silence between them bruised. "Leave me out of it."

Neela didn't storm away. She didn't slam the door. But he heard her footsteps trail up the stairs, and knew he'd lost her at least for tonight.

He sank back into the cushions of the sofa, and his head reeled. From how a pleasant evening could go so quickly south. From how just when he'd thought there were no secrets left, something came so bluntly out of left-field to prove him wrong.

Most of all, from the way she'd reacted.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Neela wasn't up when he woke the next morning. Instead, he found Jenny busying herself in the kitchen. He secretly suspected she'd deliberately been making enough noise to wake him up.

"Neela OK?"

He asked, still feeling slightly groggy from sleep. Jenny snapped round from the kettle, gray eyes belying her shock.

"Oh." Jenny feigned surprise at his presence. "I didn't realize you were awake."

"I wasn't." He answered, sarcasm edging his tone. Two could play Jenny's game, after all. "S'ok. Should have been up anyway."

Wordlessly, Jenny handed him a mug.

"Black, right?"

She turned away from him, cupping her own mug, and walked towards the door.

"Right." He replied, following the redhead back into the living room.

"Did you see her last night?"

Jenny settled herself into a chair, looking puzzled. He continued.

"Neela. Did she come and talk to you?"

Ray clarified quickly, impatience slowly rising. Jenny furrowed her eyebrows, suddenly wary.

"No." She answered tentatively. "Should she have?"

"I just wondered. She seemed - " He paused, contemplating the choice of word that would infuriate Jenny the least. "Upset."

"Really?" Jenny's eyes opened wide. He couldn't decide if it was a genuine question or a sarcastic one. "Why?"

His indecision answered by her second question, he paused, playing with the mug rather than drinking from it, wishing he wasn't so damn nervous.

"Jenny." He forced her to meet his gaze, determined to do this straight and honest rather than playing any more games with her. He knew she was being protective, but the routine was wearing. "Do you know what Mina's second name is?"

Jenny looked down quickly, as if her coffee had suddenly become the most interesting thing the world. He sighed.

"Jenny. Please. I know your loyalty is to her."

Was he pleading with her? She was the only person he could ask about this. The person who knew Neela better than anyone else.

"But help me out, will you?"

His question was met with a blank silence, so he prodded again, trying to appeal to Jenny's sensibilities.

"Every time I think I've got this figured out, something else blindsides me. It's exhausting."

Maybe honesty would prod her into talking to him. He watched her intently in the seconds that followed, struggling with her loyalty to Neela versus her belief in telling the truth.

"Yeah. I know." Jenny admitted, uncharacteristically quietly. "It's yours, right? I was there when Neela registered the birth."

Ray reached for the paper, which had been dropped on the carpet, forgotten during last nights exchange, and handed it to Jenny.

The redhead dropped her eyes, took in the scrawl quickly, and looked back up. Her mouth opened in somewhat of an 'o'.

"Mina wrote that last night – a last ditch effort to spend more time with me before bedtime."

He smiled, remembering the genuine enjoyment Mina seemed to get from spending time with him. He was beginning to feel the same – more at home, less awkward – which he guessed was a positive sign.

"She's a bright kid." Jenny said, pride edging her voice. Then her expression darkened somewhat, drawn and serious. "Look, Ray. I told her it was crazy, OK?"

Jenny paused, drew in a long breath.

"I wouldn't have done it, that's for sure." Jenny stated bluntly, and the difference between the two friends was never starker. Jenny didn't believe in holding back, where Neela's reserve was more than legendary. "I believe if you make a break, you've gotta make it a clean one."

Jenny shrugged, attempting nonchalance. But he nodded, to indicate he understood where she was coming from.

"Neela, for whatever reason, was convinced what she did was right so I didn't argue too much." Jenny smiled, possibly because of the disbelief he knew was probably written all over his face. "I always feared it would bite her on the ass. Apparently I was right."

"It just seems a weird thing to do if she never intended to come back." He interjected. "Right? I'm not completely crazy for thinking that."

Jenny shook her head, red hair spilling over her shoulders and falling onto her face. She pushed the strands back impatiently.

"I don't think she never intended to go back." Jenny replied, the honesty somewhat shocking after two days of defensiveness and changeability in her tone and expression towards him. "I think there's always been a part of her that missed Chicago."

Jenny broke off, twirled her hair around a finger nervily. Ray sensed her sentence wasn't quite finished yet.

"Missed you." She added, her voice almost a whisper.

His head spun again, and Jenny fell deathly silent. Her expression said she wanted to take it back. His expression silently thanked her for saying it.

"So – ready for another day with the monster?" Jenny chirped brightly – demeanor snapping back to normal. The words she'd said, her honesty, dissipated instantly. But they lingered in his head.

The sudden change of pace didn't catch him off guard this time. He was ready for her. Jenny didn't do prolonged heavy emotion or honesty. She was much more comfortable in this bright, playful, slightly defensive zone. But she'd said more than enough.

"I will be." He raised the mug and pointed to the contents. "After about another three of these."

Jenny laughed, the sort of laugh that should have seemed genuine – all teeth and smiles – but actually rang pretty hollow.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Mommy."

Mina tugged the bedcovers, voice insistent. Neela groaned softly at the intrusion, not conscious enough to fully register anything yet.

"Mommy. It's time to get up."

A cold little hand touched her cheek gently. She opened her eyes and found Mina peering curiously at her.

"OK. OK. Mina, I'm awake."

She swung her legs out of bed and sat up. Mina regarded her with one of her searching, disturbingly adult gazes.

"You slept late." Mina pursed her lips. "You never sleep late."

Neela reached over and ruffled the black hair.

"Nothing gets past you." She replied, tone light. Mina pursued the topic.

"Is it because daddy's here?" Neela sighed at the apparently innocent question. "Were you up late?"

Mina continued, playing with her loose black hair, gaze never leaving her mother's face.

"No, Mina, I wasn't." Neela stated wearily. She wished that was the reason. The real reason didn't bear explaining to a five year old. "I'm just on holiday."

She explained rationally. Mina looked satisfied with that answer, but the look on her face told Neela more questions bubbled just below the surface. She waited patiently for the onslaught.

"Did I do something wrong?" The child chewed her lip, shuffled feet nervously. "Last night. I just wanted to show daddy…"

Neela avoided her daughter's gaze, pushed her feet into her slippers, buying herself time to answer.

"No, honey. You did well. He thinks you're very clever." Mina beamed to herself, cheeks flushed with childish pride.

"Does that mean he'll stay forever?" Neela smiled wistfully. Mina still believed in the happy-ever-after. There were still fairytales at five years old. "I mean, I have his name. Doesn't that make us a family?"

She finished, puffed up and proud of her logic. Neela's heart sank. Her eyes fell onto Mina's curious, eager expression.

"Mina." Neela warned. "You know he can't. I explained this to you."

Mina nodded solemnly, face slightly crushed. She thought for a minute.

"Maybe one day?" She said brightly. "Maybe one day he'll come to see me and not leave?"

Neela reached for her daughters hand, unable to either nod or shake her head. Instead, she changed the subject.

"Time for breakfast, honey."


	4. Chapter 4

**Spoilers**: Anything in the first half of season 11 is fair game, but for the record the events of "Here and There" never happened. I don't plan on using any explicit spoilers anyway.

**Content Warning**: Initially, nothing.

**Rating**: FRT for now.

**Disclaimer**: ER and its characters are the property of Michael Crichton, John Wells, Amblin Entertainment and Constant C Productions. No infringement intended and these characters are used within without permission. In other words, I don't own everyone and everything you recognize, but I do own Jenny and Mina. Besides, I own nothing worth having except my car (who's 18) and a toaster, so I'd suggest not suing.

**Second Time Around – Chapter Four**

Saturday dawned with an inevitable dread heavy in Neela's stomach. The departure cast a shadow over breakfast – an artificially cheery affair on all parts. Mina did her best to smile through – but the thought of her father's departure was clearly on the five year old's mind.

The scene in the driveway as he was departing, she accepted as a necessary wrench for all of them, one she had been expecting since the moment he arrived on Wednesday.

"Do you have to go?" Neela tensed, hearing the pleading note in Mina's voice. This scene was always inevitable. Goodbye was always going to be the hardest part of this weekend. "Daddy?"

She questioned again. Ray couldn't respond.

"Mina." Neela tried to get her daughters attention. "Mina, we've been through this."

Neela rolled her eyes, sighing. She'd known this would happen. Mina's attention would not be distracted. She was blocking her mother out, intense gaze locked on her father.

"Princess." Ray crouched to his daughter's eye level. "You know I do. But I'm coming back."

His tone was the perfect pitch of affection and firmness.

"When?" Mina demanded, insistent, unsatisfied with vague answers.

"Whenever I can, princess. I promise." Ray pulled Mina into a swift, but genuine, goodbye hug. "So you be a good girl for your mom in the meantime OK?"

He glanced up at Neela, who quickly looked aside. This wasn't her goodbye. This scene belonged to her daughter.

"OK." Mina whispered. "'Bye, daddy."

She allowed him to get in the car, watching misty eyed as it pulled out the driveway. She waved for as long as she could still see the car, then she turned and ran back indoors.

"Mina - " Neela called after her, but her word was met with a viciously slammed door. This was what she feared. That these visits would bring her daughter up, only for saying goodbye to bring her slamming back down.

She only hoped Mina would adjust. On a deeper level, she could only hope she would as well.

"You're in a better mood." Bret noted, watching from across the room as Ray buzzed about the apartment, tidying of all things. Bret was struck by the oddness of this behaviour. Ray barely looked up, or acknowledged his roommate's presence. Bret crossed the room, dropped his keys with a clatter on the kitchen counter.

"When'd you get back?"

Bret asked, prodding again in the hope of a response. He opened the fridge, looking inside for a much-needed drink. His hand came out holding a half empty carton of OJ.

"About 12."

Bret glanced at his watch, before taking a long swill from the carton. It was just gone 3pm.

"And you're working tonight?"

Ray nodded. Bret began to realise that he wasn't going to get much more conversation. He sighed heavily, returning the carton to the fridge, and closing the door.

As he did so, his eye caught on the new decoration that adorned the white door. Held in place by a couple of random fridge magnets, it was a plain A4 sheet of paper, crumpled in places, with two words on it. A name. Bret regarded the sheet of paper for a long time, his head at a curious tilt. His mouth gaped as if to speak a couple of times, before any words actually came out.

"Erm. Ray?" He said suddenly, in such a tone as Ray was forced to look at him. "Mina Barnett?"

He finished, raising an eyebrow. Ray smiled at his roommate's confusion.

"Cute huh?" Ray's voice was bright. Almost blindingly so. Bret's confusion was undiminished. "No. It is actually her name."

"Huh?"

"My daughter's name. That's it." Ray continued. "Neela registered me as Mina's father. Hence - "

Ray gestured at the note again.

"Oh. Right. OK."

Bret was thankful for the interruption of his cell phone beeping urgently from his jacket pocket. He fished for the small item – the conversation over. He opened the SMS, and a few seconds later, looked up again.

"Ray - " He began. "Where did you say Neela lives again?"

"Lincoln. Why?"

Bret waved the phone briefly.

"Nick. Apparently, he's got some friends or something…anyway, they own a bar and they've offered us a gig." Bret paused in his hurried explanation, keen to get to the key part of the message. "The bar is in Lincoln."

"No kidding. When?"

"Thursday." Bret replied, thought processes turning. He looked at his roommate, an idea written clearly on his face. "Think you could persuade Dr Neela to be there? Be nice to have a friendly face in the crowd."

"I don't know, Bret." Ray said, wary. "She's got Mina…and her roommate works nights so…"

Bret's face began to fall, enthusiasm slipping away.

"But I'll ask, OK?"

Ray conceded. Bret wandered away, apparently satisfied with this answer.

Nearly 6 hours had passed since he'd left and not a word had been spoken. About the weekend or otherwise. Mina had stormed upstairs, and Neela hadn't said a word. Jenny was determined to change that.

"That went OK."

Jenny stated, seemingly vacantly and without purpose. There was only one other person in the room, however, who heard exactly what she said. Neela looked up from her tidying, and shrugged.

"Yeah, I guess."

The words were flat, neutral.

"The whole name thing was classic." Jenny smiled softly, trying to make light of what had been by far the weekend's most emotional moment, and not necessarily for the right reasons. "Classic Mina."

She finished. Neela's smile was a little more forced. Mina was upstairs – still upset from her dad leaving – and unwilling to talk.

"I know it's not how you wanted him to find out."

Jenny continued, trying to spark a reaction from Neela.

"It was as good a way as any." Neela admitted. "It was easier than saying it to his face, I guess."

Neela avoided looking at her. Jenny hated that – she was trying to hide – and it irritated her.

"Neela - " Jenny said sharply, forced her friend to look at her, stopped dead with a pile of comics in her hand. "You did the right thing 5 years ago. And you handled this the only way you could have."

Jenny assured, instilled with a new perspective and perhaps a new insight on the situation now she'd actually met Ray.

"But…"

"No one expects you to be perfect. No one expects you to deal with this smoothly and without emotion. Not me, not Mina." She paused pointedly. Neela didn't interrupt, expecting the coming words. "And not him, either."

"I know."

Her voice was practically a whisper, low and guilty.

"This weekend went well." Jenny assured again. "Mina loved having him here. And you?" Jenny took a long breath before she continued, hoping her analysis of the situation was right. "I think deep down you liked having him here as well."

"I did."

The confession was a slightly sheepish, heavy one. Jenny sighed wearily.

"Don't be ashamed of that, Neela." Jenny stated insistently, holding the deep brown gaze. "I'd be a damn bad friend if I didn't notice that you're a different person when he's in the room. And that you work so hard to keep him at arm's length it's painful to watch."

Neela snapped away, a nerve well and truly hit. Jenny flinched for her.

"Jenny. Please." The tone was cold. "Can we just get back to normal?"

"If you want." Jenny shrugged, seemingly dismissive. "Until next time, that is."

Jenny couldn't resist trying to have the final word.

"Jenny." Neela warned darkly. Jenny submitted, knowing that the furrowed eyebrows and darkened eyes meant that Neela was in one of those 'don't mess with me' moods. She decided it was safer not to press the issue any further. If Neela wanted to stick her head in the sand, then she had to let her.

Because the last thing she wanted to do was fight with her.

The following Thursday, with Bret heading off to Lincoln, Ray decided to hit the Jumbomart on his way home from work. What was the point in cooking for one? He had a grand plan that involved a frozen pizza and a couple of beers, and he was looking forward to it.

The cold emanating from the freezers made him shiver. Tired eyes were having difficulty processing the range of pizza on offer. Eventually, he came to a decision and reached for one of the multi coloured boxes. To his surprise, another hand got there before him. He snapped back to avoid making contact.

A small hand, long fingered but tiny compared to his. Female, his brain told him. His eyes travelled upwards. The figures jacket was straining over a considerable baby bump.

"Ray?"

His gaze finally travelled to her face, lips turned in a curious smile.

"You look out of it." Sam said, tone kindly. "Tired?"

She added. He just nodded, her expression knowing.

"Just off shift." Ray added, by way of explanation for his slightly dazed state. That, and Sam wasn't exactly the first person he'd expected to bump into.

"Yeah. Thought so." She paused. They were held in that awkward moment where neither knew whether that was the polite place to end the encounter or whether to carry on talking.

"So. How are you?" Ray made the decision, inclining his head in the direction of the bump. "Apart from still pregnant."

Sam rubbed the bump, face wistful but affectionate.

"Yeah. I am still that." She laughed brightly. "I'm OK. I feel like a beached whale, but I'm fine."

"Good."

"'Bout you? How's things?" Sam asked curiously, looking back up at him. "You been to see Mina?"

He nodded. The look of relief that crossed her face would have been hard to hide.

"Last weekend, for Thanksgiving." Ray elaborated eventually, undecided on how much of the detail to reveal. He eventually decided that less was in this case more. "It was nice."

Sam broke into a wide smile. "I'm pleased to hear that."

The pause hung longer this time. Eventually, Sam gestured to the pizza in her hand, about to use it as an excuse to leave.

"Well. I should probably get this back to the hungry hoards." Her eyes twinkled. "Our house is crazy."

"OK."

"It was nice to see you though." Sam began to move away towards the counter. "And say hi to Neela for me will you?"

She tossed back over her shoulder.

"Yeah." He said non-committally. "Good luck with everything."

Sam smiled a final time, before disappearing out of view. Ray was left standing, still cold, next to the freezers. Still without pizza and even more dazed than he'd already been.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm coming." Ray shouted irritably across the apartment at the shrilling phone. The haphazardly placed grocery bags toppled as soon as he let them go, spilling their contents across the counter top. He sighed – torn between answering the phone and saving his groceries.

"Hello?"

He snatched up the phone and sounded sharper than he'd have liked.

"It's as nice to hear your voice as ever." The tone was suitably cutting. Ray exhaled wearily, switching the phone to his other ear.

"Mom." The greeting escaped his lips as a sigh. Why hadn't he expected this phone call?

"Yes. It's me." The tone sounded somewhat brittle, put out. "Don't you remember I said I'd call?"

"You did?" He questioned, wracking his tired brain to try and remember. He came up blank.

"Yeah. Last Thursday."

"You sure you told me? I wasn't here…I was away last week."

He said carefully. His mother sighed on the other end of the line.

"Maybe it was your idiot roommate I told. Wouldn't surprise me if messages didn't get past him." He resisted the urge to jump in with a smart comment, and let the disparaging words pass into oblivion.

"Anyway. I hadn't heard from you since you left. How…how have things been?"

Was that nervousness? Did his mother sound nervous? His fingers tightened around the handset.

"Difficult." He admitted eventually.

"Yeah. I'm sorry about Abby."

Why? He wasn't. But he bit back those bitter words, let his mother try and offer comfort if that's what she needed to do.

"That can't have been easy."

"It wasn't." The words were blunt. "She died a few hours after I got back."

"That quickly?" Jackie Barnett sounded surprised.

"She'd been killing herself for five years, Mom. They only called me because she was in her final throes." He sighed heavily, remembering that first phone call. Had that really been less than a fortnight ago? It seemed like forever ago, because so much had happened since then. His world had pretty much turned upside down.

"She asked to see you?"

"Yeah." He faltered. "Yeah, she did."

"Didn't you two…? I mean, weren't you on bad terms?" Jackie prodded just a little bit more. She was an expert at talking around the question she really wanted to ask.

"Dying can make a body do odd things, Mom. She just wanted…well, I cared about her once. I had to be there."

He affirmed quietly.

"Was b **she /b **there?" There was acid in the way Jackie said it. His stomach turned. She didn't know about her granddaughter yet. Great, he thought, that's news I want to break right now. "Your ex-roommate?"

"Neela?" Ray paused. "Yes. She was."

"Why do I get the feeling there's something you aren't saying?"

"What?"

"Your voice is cagey. Nervous." He imagined her rolling her eyes on the other end of the line. "I'm your mother, remember."

"I'm just tired." He tried to put her off.

"Rubbish." Jackie dismissed quickly. "Neela was there. And?"

"There's no easy way to say this." Ray faltered, but his mother waited. Not patiently, but she waited anyway. "She's a mother. Mina's five…you should see her – she's a mini-Neela. So perfect…"

The tone of his voice changed as he talked about his daughter – became less guarded, warmer.

"She's yours?" Jackie sighed, pre-empting his words. "Is that what you're saying?"

Ray said nothing, knowing the question to be rhetorical.

"Am I a grandmother?"

"Yes." He affirmed, quieter than before. "You are."

It was Jackie's turn to fall silent. This was not a conversation ideally had by phone. He would prefer to be able to read his mother's expression right now. The silence made him impatient eventually.

"Mom. Say something."

He insisted eventually, frustrated.

"What do you want me to say?" Jackie demanded. "It's not every day you find out you've got a granddaughter."

"Trust me when I say I know how you feel."

"God, I wish I didn't have to go to work tonight." Jenny exclaimed. "I am so having a fat day."

Neela eyed her friend carefully. Jenny was fidgeting, fussing with the tight vest top and denim shorts that were her work uniform. Her long red hair was swept up in a high ponytail, which she toyed with the end of, clearly fractious.

"A fat day?" Neela answered eventually, incredulous. "Trust me. Not so much."

"Yeah. You have to say that." Jenny bit back sarcastically. "I still feel fat."

Neela shook her head disbelievingly.

"It'll be fine." Neela consoled. "Over before you know it."

"Yeah." Jenny swiped her keys from the table and headed for the door, her disbelieving tone trailing after her.

She was expecting a busy night, and she wasn't looking forward to it.

The bar was busy, but not over-crowded. Jenny, however, was still irritable. All the idiots in town had turned out to see this band, whoever the hell they were. Their music actually hurt her head – though if she'd been a better mood, she'd probably have quite liked it.

She was clearing up – anxious to get home and into her pyjamas – when someone she vaguely recognised as the lead singer wandered up to the bar.

"Hey." He opened – voice not what she'd expected – softer, slightly sweeter in tone than she would have thought. Jenny turned on her heel.

"Yeah?" She returned.

"Any chance of a glass of water?" The guy paused; just long enough for Jenny to sense what was coming next. "And your name?"

"Glass of water I can do." Jenny said, suitably brittle and detached. "My name you don't need to know."

"Cut a guy some slack, will you? I was only asking."

"And I was only answering." Jenny bit back, still brittle, but with a side order of irritation. The glass hit the bar with an unnecessary force.

"Fine." He raised the glass to his lips. While he was concentrating elsewhere, Jenny took her chance to concentrate on him. He was cuter close up than she'd have thought. Not classic front man material by any manner of means, but cute nonetheless. He looked up, and she looked away quickly – keen not to get caught staring. "Hard to get. I can play that game."

"I'm not playing any game." Jenny stopped the conversation dead, watching for any signs of discouragement on his face. Finding none, she steered the conversation for her own ends.

"Are you guys nearly finished?" Jenny asked brusquely, glancing at her watch, then over at the remainder of the band where they were taking their time in packing up.

"Do you want us to be?"

"I need to close up." Jenny replied, increasingly annoyed. The guy finished his water, sighed and crossed the room. She saw him whisper to his band mates, and after that they moved a hell of a lot quicker.

Jenny went back to her own business – fully aware of intense eyes still on her from across the room but blatantly ignoring them.


	5. Chapter 5

**Spoilers**: Anything in the first half of season 11 is fair game, but for the record the events of "Here and There" never happened. I don't plan on using any explicit spoilers anyway.

**Content Warning**: Initially, nothing.

**Rating**: FRT for now.

**Disclaimer**: ER and its characters are the property of Michael Crichton, John Wells, Amblin Entertainment and Constant C Productions. No infringement intended and these characters are used within without permission. In other words, I don't own everyone and everything you recognize, but I do own Jenny and Mina. Besides, I own nothing worth having except my car (who's 18) and a toaster, so I'd suggest not suing.

**Second Time Around – Chapter Five**

"Good night at work?"

It was an innocuous question, but it opened the floodgates to what Neela knew would be a rant. Jenny scraped the chair back against the linoleum floor, flung herself down into it.

"Oh my God!" Jenny started dramatically. "We had this band from up North. Some punk outfit or something."

Jenny snorted her disapproval. Neela couldn't help a smile.

"But anyway - " She continued, her movements frenetic and dizzying. "The front man was **such **a jerk."

"What did he do?"

Neela asked calmly, playing along with her friend's dramatic tendencies. Jenny had a flair for the dramatic that was for sure.

"When do men have to **do **anything to be jerks?" Jenny exclaimed. "Just because I'm a waitress does not mean I play hard to get with every slimy customer that crosses my path."

Jenny finished with a bitter flourish. She sighed heavily, remembering the night before. Neela noted the almost wistful look in her eyes. Jenny quickly snapped back into rant mode when she noticed Neela staring at her.

"And I most definitely was not playing hard to get with him. I just wanted him to leave me alone."

Jenny affirmed. Neela thought it best to say nothing.

"How was the gig?"

"Great, man." Bret replied enthusiastically. "The crowd loved us."

Ray shoved down the momentary pang of jealousy he still felt when Bret talked about the band. But he had come to the point in his life where it was his career or music, and so he'd made the more sensible choice. He couldn't be an attending and still burn the candle at both ends as the part of a rock band. It just wasn't feasible. Work kept him burning the candle at both ends as it was.

"Cool. And?"

Ray pushed, sensing there was something bubbling just under the surface that Bret wanted to tell him. There was a childlike excitement in his eyes. Which usually meant one of two things.

"And nothing. The waitress was hot - " Bret drifted off – clearly lost in a pleasant memory. "I mean, really. Redhead, cut glass grey eyes, figure like - "

Lincoln. Waitress. Redhead. Jenny. He shook his head. No, Lincoln was a big enough town for there to be more than one redheaded waitress in it.

"Uh, anyway. She was the "hard to get" type. I gave it my best shot." Bret sounded more than disappointed. Hard to get. Definitely sounded like Jenny. Ray rolled his eyes.

"Probably for the best." He said after a fashion. "You know what they say about redheads."

Bret's eyes glinted. Ray knew that his words hadn't had the intended effect.

"Fiery, passionate, sexy. Damn, that was supposed to put me off?" Bret replied, smiling wickedly.

"Bad-tempered, irrational…?" Ray continued. "She probably eats guys like you for breakfast."

"So speaketh the expert." Bret shot back, mockingly. "Besides, I wouldn't have complained."

He paused, thinking for a minute.

"And what exactly is wrong with guys like me?"

The question came out sounding mock-wounded. Ray just smiled and walked away, refusing to dignify it with an answer.

The first weekend in December was, in retrospect, not the ideal day for a day trip to the zoo. Mina was excitable – bundled up against the biting Illinois cold – and a nervous ball of energy.

Once he'd mentioned it, it was impossible to take back. Mina with an idea in her head was like a dog with a bone. She had immediately taken to is as a family day out, and had pestered her mother until she relented. Neela had reluctantly submitted, though somewhere deep beneath the surface, there was a part of her that couldn't think of a way she'd rather spend her Saturday off. Even Jenny had decided she wanted to come along for the ride – despite the fact that she'd done nothing but complain about the cold since they got here.

It had been a nice idea. Rather than staying stuck around the house, they were out doing something. Mina was fascinated, intently curious. She peered into every exhibit, asked curious, sometimes worryingly insightful questions. She had three sets of nervous adult eyes glued on her at all times – just in case. She was the kind of child with whom you just never knew.

"Well." Ray opened, rubbing his hands together to restore circulation. His eyes were locked on Mina, currently leading Jenny a merry dance up the icy path. "At least someone's enjoying it."

Neela turned to him, saw the satisfied smirk on his face. She smiled back, a smile so wide it almost broke into a grin.

"This was inspired." She said eventually, her words underlain by laughter. "Twisted, but inspired."

"Thought it might tire her out."

"That - " Neela flicked a glance to her daughter – who'd stopped momentarily by an exhibit to let Jenny catch her up. "Might be wishful thinking."

"I'm getting that now."

"I don't know how Jenny does it." Neela said. "She keeps up with Mina better than I ever could."

"She's got a few years on you though hasn't she?"

The tone was teasing, veering into familiar territory. Neela turned and glared at him, raising her hand as if to smack his arm. He threw up his hands in mock-submission, face cracking into that winning smile.

"Cheeky." She scolded with a faint smile. "She's been a godsend. I couldn't have raised Mina without her."

"I get that - " Ray hesitated. "She's Mina's godmother, right?"

"How did you -?" Neela's surprise was obvious. She scoured her memory for ever making mention of Jenny's role. She hadn't. Clearly, he was more perceptive than she gave him credit for. Either that, or he'd been doing a lot of thinking.

"I figured – it didn't seem like there was anyone else you'd have trusted to take care of Mina - "

"There wasn't." Neela affirmed, somewhat sadly, eyes off in the distance watching the two play together, both all wide smiles and bright eyes. Jenny loved being with Mina. She loved children, she told Neela, as long as she could hand them back.

"So, who's her god-father?"

"She doesn't have one." Neela sighed. "I didn't have anyone who would fit the bill."

"Well - " Ray began tentatively. "I might. If you don't think it's too late."

Neela turned her head to look at him.

"I'm listening."

"What about Bret?" Ray suggested, hating the fact that he sounded almost timid. It was his right to suggest this. "You remember? The only one of the band members who wasn't a complete moron."

"I don't - " She started to protest, but he cut across her.

"Neela. Fair's fair. You got to choose her god-mother." Ray stated calmly. He didn't want to make it an issue. "Bret's a good guy, he holds down a job, he's got his head on straight. He's got a niece who he dotes on. I'd trust him with her."

Neela shrugged. She didn't know Bret well enough to make that judgement. She decided she might have to trust Ray on this one. But that might take some time to reconcile with.

"I'll give it some thought."

"Good." He affirmed. There was a minutes silence as they walked on side by side. He finally twisted up the courage enough to bring up the other thing that was on his mind.

"And one other thing – we need to come to some sort of arrangement." She regarded him curiously, her suspicions alert. "You know, financially."

"Ray - " She protested.

"Come on. It can't be easy. You can't be earning top dollar now you aren't in medicine and kids are expensive."

Logical, un-emotional arguments. He'd been preparing them since he thought of suggesting he help support Mina. He had expected her to fight him on this one. She just looked at him for a long minute, brown eyes intense but flitting between anger and defiance.

"I've managed." Her fiercely independent streak surfaced. "Is she wanting for anything?"

She demanded bitterly.

"Neela. It's not an accusation." Ray returned, calmly. "I just want to help. I'm financially secure, I earn a decent wage. It wouldn't be right if I didn't - "

"I've looked after us both for five years without you." Neela assured, finality edging her tone. "And I'll continue to do so."

"The offer is there, Neela." He said quietly. "I'm not going to fight with you about it. Just don't hesitate to ask, OK?"

Neela didn't respond, but he knew she'd taken the comment on board. A small figure in the middle distance was waving excitedly at them, small arms frantically cutting the air, beckoning to them.

"I think she wants us."

Neela stated, effectively ending their conversation.

His next visit was due for the third weekend in December, where he had planned to broach the subject of Christmas with Neela. However, it turned out, if he wanted Christmas off he had to agree to work that weekend in return. A colleague needed the weekend off to go to a family birthday, but didn't mind working Christmas. Ray couldn't help but feel he was crazy, but accepted the trade willingly. He wanted nothing more than to be with Mina for Christmas.

"Bret." Ray called as he entered the apartment. He dropped his keys and shrugged out of his jacket while he waited for a response. None came. He tried again, louder and more demanding. "You here?"

His roommate popped his head out of his room, slightly surprised.

"You called?"

"Yeah." Ray fidgeted nervily, taking slow steps up the hall. "Can I talk to you?"

"Sure." Bret wandered into the hallway to face him. "Something I can help you with?"

"I've got a favour to ask you."

"Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good." Bret sounded wary, almost suspicious. He regarded his roommate for a long moment, trying to read his next question. In a million years, he doubted he would have arrived at the question that came spilling out of Ray's mouth.

"Will you be Mina's god-father?" Ray blurted, and watched his roommates jaw drop almost in slow motion.

"Are you joking?" Bret's astonished expression was priceless. "Are you crazy?"

"Will you?" Ray insisted again. Bret smiled.

"Of course - " His tone was deeply genuine, with just an edge of pride. "I'd be delighted. Are you really that short of choices though?"

"Who'd you have picked? Nick?" Ray quirked an eyebrow and Bret just laughed.

"I see your point." He nodded enthusiastically. "Count me in. I love kids."

"Thank you."

"You going up there this weekend?"

"I was meant to be - " Ray broke off, still feeling that turn of guilt low in his stomach. "But had to jig some shifts around at work to get Christmas off. Figured that was more important."

"Definitely." Bret affirmed sagely. "So, you've gotta make that dreaded call to tell her you aren't coming right?"

He gestured to the door, turning to leave.

"You want me to leave you?"

"Wait." Ray called, suddenly rash. Bret stopped, turned slowly back round. "How'd you like to come down at Christmas? Meet your new god-daughter?"

"Nah. Seriously? Nah." Bret thought it over for a moment. Appealing as it sounded not to have to spend Christmas with the brother in law from hell, he couldn't gatecrash his roommates. "Christmas is for family. You don't want me hanging about."

"Come on." Ray goaded. "You really want to leave me in a houseful of wilful females all by myself at the most stressful time of year? Besides, what else would you be doing? Thinking of ingenious ways to murder your brother-in-law with the Christmas dinner?"

Bret looked like he wanted to smile, but the thought of his brother in law weighed the corners of his mouth down. He turned the thought over in his head for a second, seeing the underlying, almost child-like excitement that was written into his friend's expression.

"You're for real, aren't you?"

"Damn right." Ray affirmed, grinning to confirm his point. "What do you say?"

"If I wouldn't be - " Bret began to protest, gesturing uselessly. "I mean, it's Neela's house."

He finished, shrugging nonchalantly.

"It's Jenny's actually." Ray retorted. "And the more the merrier. I'll tell her you've nowhere else to go. She's a sucker for waifs and strays."

"Hey Jenny." Ray greeted, as cheerily as the nerves in his stomach allowed. "Neela about?"

"Yeah, hang on. She's just in."

There were brief shuffling sounds as the phone was passed from person to person.

"Hello?"

"Neela, it's me." He affirmed, chewing the corner of his lip. "It's about this weekend."

"What about this weekend?" She returned, her tone instantly suspicious.

"I can't make it down." He began. "I had to agree to work this weekend so I could get Christmas off."

"Right." Neela affirmed, sighing. "I understand."

"I figured Christmas was more important." Ray jumped in, quickly trying to justify his decision.

"Ray. It's OK. I know how it works." Neela stated, sounding both weary and patient simulataneously. "And Christmas is more important. She'd be really devastated if you weren't here for that."

"Yeah. I thought as much." He paused, playing with the phone cord. "I.. uh… I don't want to be forward -"

"Not like you." Neela deadpanned, wishing he'd get to the point.

"Yeah. Erm, the thing is, Bret's kinda got nowhere to go for Christmas, and I thought with him being Mina's godfather and all, it'd be nice for her to meet him." He launched the words into each other, so they all got out before she had a chance to interrupt.

"Ray, I never agreed - " Neela began, but then broke off as a thought occurred to her. She sighed again. "Did you ask him already? To be her godfather?"

"Kind of." He admitted sheepishly. "Do you really mind? Cos I'll tell him it's off if you want."

"Don't do that. It's fine. He's fine." Neela assured. "I'm not sure Christmas is a good plan though."

"Neela. He really doesn't have anywhere else." Was he pleading with her? He guessed he was, if that's what he needed to do. His continued unabated. "I mean, he's got his sister – but her husband is a real dick. Seriously, if I send him to spend Christmas there someone's going to come out of it on a ventilator."

"Oh, alright." Her tone was halfway between amused and annoyed. "I'll check with Jenny, but it should be fine. She's probably going to be at her sister's anyway."

"You're a star, Neela Rasgotra."

"Yeah. Yeah. I know." She replied sarcastically. He smiled, even though she couldn't see it.

"Tell Mina I'll call tomorrow."

"Night, Ray."

"Night."

"Hey sweetie." Mina looked up from her seated position on the floor to where her mother stood in the doorway. "That was your dad on the phone."

Neela carefully crossed the small space between them, picking her way amongst the scattered toys and books, and sat herself down cross-legged opposite her daughter.

"Oh?" Mina regarded her curiously. "Why didn't you let me speak to him?"

Neela braced herself to tell Mina the bad news, knowing she'd soon see the little face crumple.

"He was calling to say sorry but he can't make it this weekend."

Her voice faltered. Mina's eyes glistened slightly. Neela reached to take her hand, but Mina snapped back petulantly.

"But…" She stuttered – fighting back sobs. "But…"

"I know, Mina. But he's got to work." Neela soothed gently, feeling her daughter's disappointment real in her own chest as well. "If he doesn't, he can't come for Christmas."

Mina's eyes snapped back onto her, suddenly interested.

"And you want him here for that, don't you?"

The black head bobbed excitedly, distress seemingly forgotten. Neela breathed a sigh of relief. She had expected that to go a lot worse than it did. It seemed she had caught Mina in a rare understanding mood.

"Yeah. Yeah."

Mina repeated, a hand scrubbing at her eyes. Neela smiled. Mina thought the conversation over, and went back to playing.

"Mina." The head tilted up again. "There's something else."

"What, mommy?" She said curiously, eyes focussed on the doll in her hand.

Neela struggled with the best way to approach the subject.

"Daddy is bringing someone with him for Christmas" Mina frowned at her, doll forgotten, her dark eyebrows knitting together. Neela could only imagine the scenarios the five year old was coming up with in that pretty head of hers. "Someone he'd like you to meet."

"Who?" Mina demanded, insistent and intrepid. Neela drew in a long breath.

"Well, you know how Jenny is Mommy's best friend?"

"Yup." Mina confirmed happily.

"The person daddy is bringing is his best friend." Neela tried to keep her tone even. "He really wants you to meet him."

"Why?" Mina didn't miss a trick. Neela must admit, if she'd had something explained to her as she'd just explained this to Mina, she'd be asking that question too.

"When you're born, sometimes your mom and dad appoint people who'll take care of you if anything ever happens to them. Special people, people they trust." Mina nodded, taking in every word. Neela carefully measured her next sentence before she continued. "They're called your god-parents. You understand so far?"

"Uh-huh." Another bob of the black head.

"When you were born, I named Jenny as your god-mother." Neela said. "But I didn't have anyone I trusted enough to name your godfather."

Mina stared at her, expression blank.

"But this friend of daddy's, he's going to be your godfather."

Mina tilted her head, little face twisted as she thought this through. After a brief silence, came the first in what Neela knew would probably be an onslaught of questions.

"Is he nice?"

"Yes, Mina. He's nice, very nice."

"What's he called?" Curiosity overtook the child, and she dropped the doll and climbed into her mother's lap. "Where's he from? What does he do? Is he a doctor like daddy?"

"Calm down, Mina. One question at a time." Neela replied, laughing lightly. One hand stroked her daughter's hair, as Mina stared intently up at her – big brown eyes imploring her for answers.

"He's called Bret. He comes from Chicago. He's known your dad a long time – they used to be in a band together. I don't know what he does for a living, but he's not a doctor."

"Will I like him?" Mina asked solemnly.

"I think so."

"Do you like him?"

Neela tilted her head to consider the question. It had been a long five years since she'd seen Bret. They had never been that well acquainted, but, as Ray said, he'd always seemed to have his head on straight. He had never given her any reason to dislike him.

"Mina, I haven't seen him for a long time. But I liked him, yeah."

"Will he like me?" Mina said, tugging the corner of her lower lip between small white teeth.

Neela was slightly surprised by the self-aware question.

"Mina." She ruffled Mina's hair affectionately, and the girl squirmed, squealing softly. "How could anyone not like you?"

Mina grinned widely at her mother.

"Right." Neela stated firmly, standing up and sweeping her daughter up into her arms. "Bathtime and then it's straight to bed."


	6. Chapter 6

**Spoilers**: Anything in the first half of season 11 is fair game, but for the record the events of "Here and There" never happened. I don't plan on using any explicit spoilers anyway.

**Content Warning**: Initially, nothing.

**Rating**: FRT for now.

**Disclaimer**: ER and its characters are the property of Michael Crichton, John Wells, Amblin Entertainment and Constant C Productions. No infringement intended and these characters are used within without permission. In other words, I don't own everyone and everything you recognize, but I do own Jenny and Mina. Besides, I own nothing worth having except my car (who's 18) and a toaster, so I'd suggest not suing.

**Second Time Around – Chapter Six**

Ray rocked back on his heels, taking a long look at the chaos that currently surrounded the two roommates. It was like an explosion in a wrapping paper factory – practically every inch of available floor space – not to mention every practical available inch of them – were covered by brightly coloured Santa's. Reindeer danced haphazardly across the side of the coffee table. Ray smiled at the ridiculousness of the situation.

It was with some amusement that Ray watched his roommate struggle with the tape dispenser, cursing softly under his breath and trying to hold the paper in place with just one hand. Not that he was a natural at this kind of thing, but it was a consolation that there was someone in the world worse than him.

Eventually, Bret extricated his fingers from the tape, secured the last piece of paper, and sat back as well.

"How is that I always make a mess of this?"

Bret ran a frustrated hand through his hair. Ray grinned back at him.

"Yeah. I know." He agreed, sighing heavily. "Neela used to make it look so damn easy."

Bret thought for a moment.

"So, what? Are women born with some Sellotape gene that we aren't? Or do they receive secret training or what?"

"I don't know." Ray laughed." But whatever it is, they definitely have an unfair advantage."

"And -" Bret started, ominously, diverting his gaze to the corner of the room. "The big one's still to come."

Both men cast a despairing glance at the large cardboard box that contained the ornate Victorian wooden doll's house that was to be Mina's present.

"Wanna make a start?"

Bret said. Ray shrugged.

"I guess…"

"Hey." Bret waved the tape dispenser threateningly at Ray. "It's your daughter we're doing this for."

Bret grabbed the nearest complete roll of wrapping paper in one hand, and handed it, along with the tape, to his roommate.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Can you believe it's Christmas already?"

Jenny examined the sparkling decorations intently, playing momentarily with each one. A smile almost as wide as Mina's split her face from ear to ear. Neela looked up from her present wrapping to regard her roommate.

"Time flies, huh?" She answered, one hand expertly securing a flap of paper while the other reached for her half-full glass of wine.

"Oh yeah." Jenny breathed, agreeing. "It's gonna be a great one. I can just feel it."

Jenny gave an exaggerated shiver and sat down opposite Neela. Neela sighed, trying to disguise her disbelief with a smile.

"You nearly finished?"

"Just some little things to go." Neela gestured at a small carrier bag that sat next to her. "Stocking fillers mainly. So, yours already done then?"

"Darling." Jenny donned a mock accent, gave a faux dismissive wave. "I can't wrap for toffee. The stores did it all!"

Jenny laughed, reaching for her own glass. Neela smiled.

"So. When are the terrible twosome arriving tomorrow?" Jenny asked brightly. "Just so I can, you know, fortify myself."

"Probably about lunchtime." Neela answered, snapping another piece of tape with her teeth expertly. "If that's OK."

"I told you already it was fine."

"Thank you." Neela noted sincerely, not letting Jenny make light of her generosity this time. "It's good of you to allow a complete stranger into your house at Christmas."

"Hey, it's the spirit of the season, right?" Jenny shrugged. "And besides, if I'm lucky, he's cute."

Jenny grinned mischievously, her grey eyes alive and twinkling.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"I hope she likes this."

Ray said, struggling to stretch another piece of paper over the box. Bret's head snapped up from trying to find the end of the tape.

"Ray, man, she's a five year old girl." Bret paused to pick at the tape some more. He sensed his roommate wasn't yet mollified. "Trust me, every five year old girl would kill for a doll's house like this."

He assured solemnly.

"She's gonna love you."

Bret placed the last piece of Sellotape over the paper Ray was holding, almost taping his hands to the box, and pulled back, satisfied.

"There." He said, so proudly that Ray's next words died on his lips. "Finished."

Bret regarded his roommate's suddenly vacant expression. Ray scanned around the room quickly, frantically.

"Not quite." He said urgently. "I haven't wrapped the tiara."

Ray flung himself into the middle of the chaos and started searching under the scattered paper, increasingly frustrated.

"Dammit!" Ray exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. "Where is it? Did you see where I put it?"

Ray demanded, bringing his hands to his hips, irritated with himself. Bret looked over at him, his expression initially serious. This serious expression crumpled as laughter welled up and overtook him.

"Erm. Ray?" He managed between fits of laughter, gesturing crazily at Ray's head., practically in tears. Feeling somewhat stupid, Ray slowly raised a hand to his head and felt the hard, plastic edges. A blush crept up his neck, and he felt his skin burn, embarrassed.

"Ah." He said, somewhat sheepishly. "Musta put it there so it wouldn't get lost."

"Whatever, man." Bret said, breathless and still recovering. "That was priceless."

Ray gave a suitably self-deprecating smile and left his roommate alone to recover from his hysterics. He still had packing to do after all.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Bret settled himself into the passenger seat, stretching his legs. Ray glanced over at him, anxiety written all over his face.

"Have we got everything?" He said worriedly.

Bret checked over his shoulder, admiring the skilled packing that had gotten all the required junk in the back of Ray's car.

"Presents? Check." Bret said, making a tick list on his fingers. Pride of place was the dolls house. It had taken a great amount of grunting and groaning to successfully negotiate the stairs with it between them.

"Food and drink? Check." Bret continued, noting the presence of a whole bag of specially bought groceries, mostly puddings and chocolate but specifically including couple of special bottles.

"Tool-kit? Check." He said. They had argued briefly about this. Ray had noted that Jenny and Neela were independent, capable women who were probably more than equipped with a screwdriver. Bret had argued that you could never be too careful, and how awful it would be if Mina couldn't get her present simply because they hadn't brought a few simple tools. Bret's logic had won out, unsurprisingly.

"Cheesy Christmas CD's?" Bret rummaged in his rucksack. "Check."

He waggled the CD boxes at Ray, who just rolled his eyes. Bret was like a big kid in a candy store.

"Ourselves? Well, we're here." Bret laughed. "Yeah. I think we're good."

"OK. Then let's roll."

Ray turned the key and the engine purred into life.

"A Lincoln Christmas, here we come!"

Bret shouted excitedly.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The redheads tongue poked out the corner of her mouth in concentration as she stretched above her head. It had seemed like a quick, simple job. One she had to do while Neela was out. But it was like anything that you tried to do quickly – it never quite worked out that way.

After a long minute of groping and fiddling, she tentatively released the decoration and crossed her fingers it would hold. It did. She sighed heavily in relief.

"Voila!"

Jenny stepped back to admire her handiwork, grinning from ear to ear, and proceeded to almost trip over Mina. The 5 year old regarded the white-berried sprig curiously, peering up at the doorframe. She flicked an intent gaze onto Jenny.

"What's that?"

Mina asked directly. Jenny bent to Mina's eye level, meeting the curious brown eyes.

"That my darling Mina." She said in a conspiratorial tone. "Is mistletoe."

Mina's eyebrows arched in confusion.

"What's it for?"

Jenny felt sure Mina would pick up on her very slight blush.

"Luck."

She said finally, winking at her goddaughter. Mina seemed satisfied with this answer, because her next question changed the subject abruptly.

"Would you help me wrap my mummy's present?" Mina asked, smiling sweetly. "I want it to look nice."

Jenny smiled back.

"Sure, honey."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Deck the halls…"

Ray resisted the urge to stick his fingers in his ears, primarily because he was driving and needed them to steer. Bret was grinning like a fool, cheerily and tunelessly belting out the carols blaring from the CD player.

"Bret." Ray cut across the singing. "Are you sure you're the front man?"

He asked sarcastically.

"Hey." Bret sounded instantly defensive. "By default. I never claimed I could sing."

"Good." Ray replied, completely deadpan. "Cause you'd be lying."

"Like you were always pitch perfect." Bret returned quick smart. "Anyway, it's a Christmas carol. It's supposed to be out of tune."

"Yeah?" Ray challenged sarcastically.

"Yeah." Bret retorted. "It's, like, the rules."

He paused, looking hard at his roommates' profile.

"Where's your Christmas spirit, buddy? I thought you'd be wrapped, first Christmas with your daughter and all."

"Just nervous." Ray answered simply, flicking on his right indicator and pulling into the driveway. "And here we are."

Bret looked up at the house, an impressive two storey, possibly late Victorian family home. Even on this dull December day, it looked very appealing. More appealing than spending Christmas at his sister's jumped up, yuppy penthouse apartment with her jumped-up yuppy of a husband anyway.

"Wow." He said after a second. "Neela's fallen on her feet."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Hey." Neela greeted warmly, extending a hand towards Bret. "Long time no see."

"Yeah." Bret answered eventually, taking her hand, eyes scrutinising her uncomfortably closely. "You look well."

He struggled with the best turn of phrase, but settled on the most neutral. Neela smiled, a bland kind of half smile.

"Thanks,"

She returned politely, equally distant and reserved. It was an awkward moment, which Neela couldn't bear for terribly long.

"So, you guys need a hand?"

She gestured to the boot of the car. Ray shook his head.

"Thought we might leave the presents in the car." "Til tonight, anyway."

Neela nodded, understanding his expression instinctively. Bret flicked suspicious eyes between his two companions, slightly confused.

"Well, do you want to bring your stuff in?" Neela offered, sweeping a hand towards the doorway. "Jenny's dying to meet Bret."

Without any further conversation, the three adults trooped into the living room. Mina threw herself enthusiastically at her father, who scooped her up and squeezed tightly.

"Hey, princess."

"Daddy! It's Christmas!"

She squealed, high-pitched, far too close to his ear. Ray winced slightly, shook his head to return his hearing to normal.

"I know." He said, recovering quickly. One hand gently ruffled her hair. "That's why I'm here."

Bret shuffled nervously next to him, awkward by his mere presence in the room. Ray turned so Mina could see her new godfather.

"Mina, there's someone I want you to meet." Ray said, tone mock serious. "Mina Barnett meet Bret McClure, your godfather."

"Hey Mina." Bret smiled, taking the little hand in a firm handshake. "Nice to meet you."

Mina giggled, and Ray turned just in time to see the stupid face his roommate was pulling, completely at ease and un-self conscious. Neela looked on, beginning to think that, for once, Ray was right. Bret did seem a good choice. So far, at least.

"Hey." The voice drifted through from the kitchen, appearing before its owner did. "I thought I heard voices."

Jenny wandered out from the kitchen, interrupting the scene. Neela turned to look at her. Bret looked up at the new voice. Mina squirmed in his embrace, so Ray was forced to release her before she caused him serious damage. She ran straight to Jenny, grabbed her by the hand.

"Come on." Mina insisted, pulling on her hand. "You've got to meet him. He's my god-daddy."

Bret just stared, transfixed. Ray quirked an eyebrow suspiciously, flicking his gaze between Bret and Jenny, and fixing on Neela's curious expression. Neela shrugged at him. Jenny looked startled, a rabbit in headlights.

She gave in to Mina's insistent pulling, and took the few paces across the room to face Bret.

It was a long moment before either spoke, as grey eyes met blue and both parties just stared. A single, disbelieving word bubbled to Jenny's lips.

"**You**?"

Bret mirrored her expression, and her question.

"**You**?"

Mina looked up at the two of them, still happy but increasingly confused. Ray and Neela exchanged another glance, then mutually decided to break what was an undoubtedly very **special** moment.

"Do you two know each other?"

Ray asked, curiously. Bret turned to Ray, something between shock and lust in his eyes.

"That's…that's… the waitress."

He babbled. Ray sighed knowingly, his suspicions confirmed.

"Wait." Neela said, addressing Jenny, assaulted by a flashback to one of their earlier conversations. She gestured at Bret, who was still dumbstruck. "**That's** the front man?"

Jenny nodded, suddenly mute.

"Well, that's good." Ray affirmed breezily, winking in Neela's direction almost mischievously. "No need for introductions then, if you've already met."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Mina had soon distracted her father, and Neela retreated to the kitchen to prepare the evening meal, so Jenny found that, whether she liked it or not, it fell to her to show Bret to his sleeping accommodation. It was her house, she reasoned, and he was a guest. It was only polite.

"Come on." Jenny said reluctantly. "I'll show you to your room."

She padded down the hallway to the door that led into the basement. Bret followed at distance. She couldn't help but feel he was staring at her the whole time. It made her spine creep. She hated being watched.

The door to the basement creaked slightly, and she groped for the light-switch. The single bulb cast a stark, brilliant light on the basement. Bret had stopped, about a foot back from her. She stepped onto the stairs, then turned and beckoned to him.

"Down here."

She said, almost apologetically. Once at the bottom, she gestured to the fold out sofa positioned against the far wall.

"There it is." Jenny said, avoiding eye contact. "Your bed for the night."

Bret looked slightly sceptical, already anticipating the backache tomorrow. Jenny shrugged.

"Yeah. Not ideal. I'm sorry." Her apology was deeply ingenuine.

"Nah." Bret dismissed lightly, eyes still drinking her in. Even in the stark light, she still looked impossibly pretty. Maybe though he was biased. "It's fine."

He flashed her a familiar smile, throwing his bag on the sofa.

"So." He finally made her make eye contact. "You blow every customer off like that or just me - " He paused, lowered his voice suggestively. "_Jenny_?"

Something about the way he said her name made her toes curl, long, slow, and drawn out.

"Just the really special ones."

She replied, internally kicking herself for sounding way too flirtatious. There was a tense silence.

"We'd better get back." Jenny gestured to the stairs, suddenly flustered. "Neela probably needs a hand."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Bedtime was always going to be the trickiest time. Ray had known that. Kids get over hyped at Christmas – he remembered what he'd been like. Mina had gotten bathed and changed as normal, but when it came to going to sleep that was another matter.

They'd finished their third story, the one he'd hoped would wear her out, but Mina was still bolt upright, eyes bright.

"Mina." Ray insisted, increasingly weary. "Santa won't come if you don't go to sleep like a good girl."

"But I'm too excited." Mina scooted up the bed and fastened herself around her father's neck, determined not to let him go for tonight.

"I know, princess." Ray resisted a laugh, smiling warmly instead. "But you need to get some sleep. So you can be all ready for all the presents in the morning."

"But." Mina pressed, increasingly insistent and determined. "But…"

"Mina." Ray said, more firmly this time, disentangling the small, warm and clammy hands from around his neck. "Go to sleep. It'll be morning soon."

Ray lifted the covers, beckoned for her to get underneath. Mina, surprisingly, did what she was told.

"'Night, princess."


	7. Chapter 7

**Spoilers**: Anything in the first half of season 11 is fair game, but for the record the events of "Here and There" never happened. I don't plan on using any explicit spoilers anyway.

**Content Warning**: Sexual content.

**Rating**: FRM

**Disclaimer**: ER and its characters are the property of Michael Crichton, John Wells, Amblin Entertainment and Constant C Productions. No infringement intended and these characters are used within without permission. In other words, I don't own everyone and everything you recognize, but I do own Jenny and Mina. Besides, I own nothing worth having except my car (who's 18) and a toaster, so I'd suggest not suing.

Italics indicate flashbacks.

**Second Time Around – Chapter 7**

"Daddy." Mina squealed, the door ricocheting off the sofa arm. "Daddy, wake up."

A sudden weight dropped onto his legs. One eye opened very slightly, to see his daughter bouncing excitedly on the end of the sofa bed.

"It's Christmas."

Mina flung herself upwards, so her words were directly in his ear. He winced, and she knew he was awake.

"You're awake, Daddy." She shook his shoulder doggedly. "I know you are."

Mina pulled the covers away from his face, brown eyes locking with his, looking mildly disapproving. He groaned softly, eyes adjusting to the light, sleep seeming like an ever more distant memory.

"OK. OK. I'm up, Mina." He propped himself onto one elbow, and Mina spilled off the side of the bed, landing cat-like on her feet. "But you know who isn't? Bret. And we can't open presents till we're all here."

Ray smiled as Mina darted away. He heard the door to the basement stairs slam, and the scamper of tiny feet down the uneven steps, careering and careless.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Uncle Bret." The noise shot into his brain. He hoped it was a one off. He was wrong, and stifled a low groan. "Hey! Get up!"

Mina jumped onto the unoccupied side of the sofa bed and began to bounce. Bret bolted upright, startled from sleep. Mina tumbled into a heap, giggling.

"Get up! We can't open presents till everyone's there." She insisted, recovering. "So you need to get up."

"Wow." He reached over to ruffle the black hair. Mina squirmed. "You're quite the bundle in the morning."

Bret muttered, still half-asleep. Mina grinned, lopsided and over-excited.

"I'm not going back upstairs without you."

"Merry Christmas to you too, Mina."

The small, warm hand slipped into his, and began to pull urgently. He stumbled after her, un-coordinated and dazed, and – he thought with a sudden start – still wearing his pyjamas.

They were greeted in the hallway by the smell of cooking pancakes. Mina dragged him unceremoniously into the kitchen. Jenny - wrapped in a light blue dressing gown and wearing fluffy slippers - stood next to the stove. Her hair fell loose, uncontrolled and ever so slightly wavy, down her back. He was momentarily startled.

"He's up." Mina twisted her gaze between Jenny and Ray, looking for approval. "Can we open presents now?"

"After breakfast." Jenny said, ignoring the pout that spilled onto Mina's face. "You have to eat first."

"But - " Mina protested.

"No buts, young lady." Jenny stated, her tone stern but not overly harsh. "Mom said no breakfast, no presents."

Jenny expertly flipped the pancake onto a waiting plate, offering it to Mina.

"Besides, it's pancakes." Jenny smiled. "You like pancakes."

"Mmm." Bret made the approving noise without thinking. "Me too."

He muttered, only just loud enough for Jenny to hear. A faint pink tinge touched the redheads skin when she turned in time to see the way Bret was staring at her. She snapped her eyes away before she had time to fully process exactly how ruffled and awkward he looked, standing there in his pyjamas, sleep still haunting his eyes.

"Well." Jenny smiled, her tone warm. "You can have the next one."

Jenny turned back to her pan, one hand instinctively reaching for the mixture. Ray shook his head, knowingly, and followed Mina to the dinner table. He didn't need to see anymore. Not at this time in the morning.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Presents!"

Mina shouted excitedly, bolting ahead of the adults. Neela rolled her eyes as her daughter dived headlong into the pile of presents under the tree.

"Mina." Neela opened, knowing her next words would likely fall on deaf ears. She exchanged a glance with Ray. "Honey, be careful. Do it slowly -"

"You do realise that telling a kid to open presents slowly on Christmas is like trying to tell a teenager the facts of life?"

Ray noted dryly. Neela smiled. Both stood back and watched as Bret bravely waded into the war-zone of Christmas wrapping that had enveloped his goddaughter. Jenny perched herself on the edge of the nearest seat.

Neela's presents were primarily practical – clothes, school things, and a DVD that caught Mina's attention for all of ten seconds – but they weren't the ones that really interested the five year old. The present that really had her in raptures was the huge box, on top of which lay the hastily wrapped, unevenly sized gift. Bret and Ray exchanged a smile when each noted the presents that were left, remembering the scene in their apartment.

"Not so quick, missy." Bret caught the hand as it shot out towards the box. "Do you want me to read the gift tag to you?"

Ray ducked his eyes. Neela looked on curious. Jenny's face lifted into a small smile.

"To my princess." Bret paused, watched Mina's face melt into a hopeless grin. "Merry Christmas. Love, Dad."

He finished, handing her the gift almost reverently. Mina's eyes widened, and small, nimble fingers made short work of the paper. The tiara glittered in her hands. Bret lifted it gently, and placed it on her head.

"Suits her much better, don't you think, Dad?"

Bret said, giving Ray a knowing nod. Mina just grinned stupidly, alternating her gaze between the four adults in the room.

"Well." Neela said, picking her way into the chaos and gathering the scattered paper together. "Just one to go, Mina."

The dollhouse took about a tenth of the time it had taken to wrap to be unwrapped, and Mina's face lit up when she looked at the picture on the box. Neela tried to hide a slight gasp. She'd have killed for a dollhouse that beautiful at Mina's age, and the look on Jenny's face told her she felt the same way.

"It's a joint present." Bret said softly, a hand light on Mina's shoulder. "We want you to take really good care of it."

For the second time today, Bret found himself jumped on, only this time enthusiastic arms embraced him.

"Thank you, Uncle Bret." As quickly as she was there, she was gone, attaching herself instead to her father. "Thank you, daddy."

"You're a lucky girl, Mina Barnett." Neela stuffed the discarded paper into a rubbish bag, ruffling her daughter's hair affectionately with her free hand. "That's a beautiful present."

"Will daddy put it together for me?"

"I think if you ask very nicely, Bret and your dad will assemble it later." "In the meantime, don't you have presents to give out too?"

"Oh." Mina sounded surprised. "Yeah."

Jenny handed her the gift bag she'd been holding on her knee. Mina raked inside, and deftly distributed her small, brightly coloured packages.

"Well." The five-year-old stood back, regarded the adults with a serious look on her face. "Open them."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Christmas Day passed into quietness. Mina was amused – at the moment by Bret's manful attempts to put together the dollhouse. Ray had been helping, but had decided his time was better spent making coffee for his roommate, who at the end of the day was the handier of the two of them anyway. So now he was watching from a distance, slowly drinking the coffee and feeling reflective. It had been a fantastic morning. He hadn't seen Mina, or Neela, smile that widely in a long while.

The adults had opened their presents to each other with relatively little fuss, their day entirely tied up in Mina's happiness. But his present to her had startled her to say the very least. But now, there was time to reflect, time to think. And time to thank each other. Neela felt very awkward as she approached him from the kitchen door.

"I…uh…" She stammered, indicated the small, perfume gift box that now lay on the side table. "Thanks. You didn't have to."

Neela faltered, a hand rising to play nervously with the string of beads lying at her throat. Mina's present to her. It was only a halfway successful distraction tactic. She felt really stupid. Her gift had been such a cop-out. He'd actually thought about what to get her.

"It…" Ray faltered, unable to read her expression. He'd been so sure of this gift, but was it just a throwback she didn't want? Did she hate it? "It used to be your favourite."

Neela bit down on her lip hard. The expression on his face – all quizzical and appealing – worried that he'd crossed the line. She tried to gauge her reaction and pin back threatening tears. He'd remembered. That touched something raw and altogether real.

"Daddy." A small, but insistent voice drove between them. "Daddy. Bret needs your help!"

Mina interrupted – gesturing urgently to where Bret was manfully struggling with pieces of the dollhouse. Ray sighed and shrugged.

"I'm an in demand kinda guy today." He noted dryly. Neela smiled.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Can I help?"

Neela threw a glance over her shoulder long enough to see him lounging easily against the kitchen doorframe. Jenny had left her in charge while she made a quick dash to see her nieces and nephews. Just the kids, the redhead had insisted, not her sisters.

"You in a kitchen?" She raised her eyebrows, closing the oven door with a low thud. "Nah. I think we're OK."

"We?" He flicked his gaze around the room. "Looks like there's only you."

"I was referring to me and the turkey, smart-arse." She shot back, uncomfortable with the level of familiarity she found herself projecting. Falling back into old ways wasn't what this was about. "Go on. Get back to Mina. The last thing I need is her in here under my feet."

She gestured at him furiously.

"Nah." Ray flicked a glance over his shoulder. "She's got Bret to play with. He's very into the whole girly thing."

Neela narrowed her eyes suspiciously. Ray laughed.

"No, not like that." He managed, once the laughter died back. "I mean, he's got a niece. He loves it."

"Yeah." The word was more to fill a gap than to serve any purpose. "I should -"

Neela waved beyond him to the dining room table, its bare brown surface begging to be decorated.

"I mean, before Jenny gets back."

"Oh, right." Ray faltered. Her sudden change of pace threw him off course. She did it every time. Well, not this time, he thought almost bitterly. She stopped in front of him, his body partly blocking her way out the kitchen. She debated between making him move, or trying to squeeze her body through the gap and possibly initiating inappropriate contact. "Erm, before you do."

He gestured above her head, smiling down at her. She flicked her eyes slowly between the white berries and his face, trying to concentrate on the look in his eyes and not let her own gaze slip invitingly south. Neela shook her head sharply. Where did that come from? She hadn't even had a glass of wine yet.

"Jenny…"

Neela breathed, furrowing her eyebrows in annoyance at her absent friend.

"I am not…"

She began, before her next word of protest was stolen from her by his kiss.

"It's tradition,"

Ray smirked at her shocked expression when he pulled back.

"Besides, it's not like we haven't done it before."

A brief but intense image from another time stole her indignance, and in a heartbeat, she found herself actually missing the feel of his lips on hers.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"_You know." A shiver passed up her spine, unbidden, and interrupted her train of thought momentarily. "I'm not sure this is how this is supposed to work."_

"_Oh?" He snapped back, still holding the sprig in place by her shoulder, his eyes dark and glitteringly wickedly. _

"_No." She breathed, snatching his mouth for a brief kiss. "But carry on."_

"_Your wish…"His lips curved into a smile, falling to caress the area of bare coffee coloured skin next to the bright, white berries. _

_They traced a cold track across her collarbone, and teasingly were left to hover just above her cleavage. He followed the cold trail with his mouth, his free hand snaking to the clasp on her bra. She quivered again. _

"_These things - " He cursed momentarily under his breath. "Are designed to be difficult in situations like these."_

_His fingers fumbled. Neela smiled knowingly, arched her back and twisted her hand up her own back. It was a clumsy manoeuvre in every day life, but here it served to push her body further into his. _

"_That's an art." Disbelief, and sweet relief, filtered through his tone. Neela smiled to herself, pulling back to tease the garment away from her body. _

"_Damn right." The straps slid easily down her arms, and joined their shirts in a pile on the floor. Any further words were silenced by a tongue playing slowly around her nipple. Her smile and her moan intermingled, meeting each other in a hurried expression of pleasure. _

_Neela couldn't help the giggle that crept past her lips when she felt the cold berries brush over the warm, skin of her stomach. She bit her lip, at that pique of pleasure and playfulness and loving every second. _

"_So, that's where this is going?" She murmured, sliding a hand down his arm before he shifted position to continue the game. _

"_This - " His hand stopped, and his thumb traced languidly around her navel. "Is going anywhere you want."_

"_Yeah?" She smiled mischievously, her hand finally reaching his. "Well. I think it's about time I gave you a taste of your own medicine." _

_Whatever he'd been about to say died in his throat as her fingers expertly prised the mistletoe from his hand, their bodies close enough that her hand brushed against his thigh. _

"_Who's game is this anyway?" Her lips nuzzled his neck, her body stretched against him to reach. _

"_Anyone's." She whispered, teeth nipping gently at his earlobe, her hands splayed on his chest and pushing him back. The fall onto the bed was inelegant, jumbled, but she came out of it on top, still bearing the mistletoe. _

"_Now." She swung the sprig thoughtfully, eyes off his, body poised deliberately – hip-to-hip with his. "Where first?"_

_Her hand dropped to hover over his mouth, but she shook her head, pretending to deliberate. She hesitated again just above his collarbone. Finally, the white berries landed on the base of his throat. _

_The low moan vibrated against her lips, and she slid the berries and her mouth ever lower, teasing, alternating between soft, butterfly kisses and more insistent caresses which scorched at the skin below. The hand holding the mistletoe fell to the side, unused, as she concentrated hard on the task in hand. _

"_Neela." She snapped up to look at him, desire burning behind his eyes. "I don't think this is quite how this is supposed to work."_

"_No?" She ducked her head, snatched a kiss from the hot skin, and quickly looked back up. "It seems to be working pretty well."_

_Neela smiled, teasingly pressing her hips just a little downwards. _

"_Too well for my liking." He played back, hands catching both her wrists simultaneously. Neela jolted, surprised. He used her surprise to flip their positions, so he was the one back in control. _

_The white berries splayed silently against the dark carpet, their purpose spent, lost in a tangle of limbs and discarded clothes. Games had been played, and bodies had been teased to breaking point, but now they moved together, completely lost in one another and not playing any more. _

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Earth to Neela? You still in there?"

He peered down at her. She squeezed past him, startled by the past few moments and unwilling to think about them a moment longer than she had to. She kept her back to him on purpose, knowing he'd be able to see through her if she didn't. Was it wrong that she remembered that? Was it wrong that…that she knew…? She shook her head, flashing a quick, almost guilty glance at her daughter. That was not a thought she needed clouding her Christmas. Nervous hands fumbled the silverware – dropping more of it that she managed to hold onto.

Neela stopped, looked down at the scattered forks, and sighed. She braced herself against the table, and tried to stop her cruder thoughts. But the flashback had caught her off guard, and those thoughts were the ones that were currently screaming at her loud and clear – begging her to come out of her denial.

She delivered a sharp mental slap, trying to pour cold water over the low burn that had ignited in her stomach. That was not part of the plan.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"How was it?" Neela asked, turning from the oven instinctively at the sound of the door opening. Jenny shook her hair, dripping water on the kitchen floor, and allowed a dramatic pause before answering.

"Much as I thought." Jenny said flatly. "The kids were all over me, my sisters were halfway down my throat before I even got in the door about not spending Christmas with them."

Jenny shrugged.

"I just said you needed me more than they did. Which is true, right?"

Jenny smiled brightly, showing far too many teeth for it to be altogether genuine. She could sense something had happened, it was all in Neela's slightly tense body language.

"How've you been in my absence? Haven't burned the turkey yet have you?"

"Erm, no. The turkey's fine, the table's set." Neela said, before turning and advancing menacingly towards Jenny. "And you, my friend, are in so much trouble."

"What?" Jenny fiddled nervously with the jade pendant, trying to fake innocence and distract her friend. Neela's eyes fell to the necklace, pleased to see Jenny wearing it, but quickly snapped back. "What did I do?"

Neela pointed at the mistletoe in the kitchen doorway. Jenny grinned goofily.

"I was going to tell you."

"Well, a little warning would have been appreciated." Neela fired back sarkily. "Because then I wouldn't…it wouldn't have…"

Neela faltered and fearing her blush she covered her face with one hand.

"Oh My God. You got caught under it, didn't you?" Jenny teased, deliberately needling her. "Well, was it like you remembered?"

Neela scowled.

"I'm so not telling you that." Neela turned on her heel, her tone final. "Go and get the others, dinner is ready."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Dinner had been eaten, and the table had been cleared. Neela and Ray had joined forces to play with Mina, mostly, Jenny thought, to get out of the washing up. She deposited the last of dishes by the sink, and turned to leave the kitchen. The dishes, she decided, could wait. It was Christmas. Unfortunately, she met Bret coming the other way. This mistletoe stunt could be about to bite her on the backside as well, she thought wearily.

"Well." Bret drew the word out as long as he could, taking in every inch of Jenny's expression, every iota of the clear, pale skin. "Isn't this a happy co-incidence?"

Bret grinned brightly, but soon found the flames of optimism died under Jenny's cool, grey stare. She pursed her lips, clearly unimpressed, and irritated.

"You're in my way." Her tone was pointed, terse, matched her eyes perfectly.

"Mistletoe." Bret pointed upwards, ignoring her coolness. "Jenny, come on. Are you gonna make me beg?"

"Move, Bret, or I'll make you." Jenny warned darkly, clenching fists by her side.

"Kiss me and I'll happily get out your way." Bret teased back. He thought he saw the possibility flick through her grey eyes, but it soon died away.

"Do you ever take no for an answer?" She rolled her eyes, sounded exasperated.

"What would you do if I said no?" Jenny drew back her fist, and Bret flinched just thinking about her intentions. He decided it was time to stop playing before someone really did get hurt.

"OK. OK, I surrender." He threw up his hands in mock surrender. "You're a hard woman, Jenny Ramsay, you know that?"

"I try." She tossed back, trying her best to sound distant and nonchalant.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Mina was exhausted, and fell asleep halfway through her new Disney DVD, curled up her father's arms. Ray carried her upstairs quietly, tucked her in, and crept back down to the living room to join the adult company.

Only Jenny remained. Ray regarded her, confused. She smiled softly.

"Neela and Bret took a walk." Jenny gestured to the front door and the cold night beyond it. "Fresh air."

"You didn't fancy joining them?" Ray asked, tone playful, testing at the boundaries of his evolving friendship with Jenny. The redhead jittered momentarily, before standing up.

"You want a drink? I think you deserve one." Jenny non-sequitured, throwing Ray's conversation off-balance. Had she been giving Neela lessons on changing the subject?

"Yeah." He responded flatly. "Thanks."

Jenny returned moments later and handed him a glass.

"So." He paused to take a sip. The liquid, brandy he suspected, burned his tongue. "I…I never said thanks. The card."

Jenny smiled, somewhat more shyly than he was used to.

"S'ok. Didn't know if you'd appreciate my sense of humour."

"I think I get more about you than you think, Jenny."

"Maybe." Their eyes met – the honesty in his green eyes meeting the denial she knew lay in hers - and Jenny was momentarily thrown by the frankness of his statement. "Thanks in return. You did well today. With the presents."

"Yeah? I wasn't sure, but Bret persuaded me."

"Bret's a wise man, clearly." Jenny's lips twitched. Ray took it as a sign of affection towards Bret, but the smile went unfinished when she realised how closely he was watching her. "The dollhouse was perfect. Absolutely stunning."

"She deserves the best." His voice changed, to the soft, affectionate tones he always used when referring to Mina. Before he could stop it, the next words slipped off his tongue. "They both do."

His mind slipped back to the kiss. Neela had softened, almost responded, but then pulled back like she'd been shot. He should have known it was a step too far. He'd pushed his own luck and it had backfired.

"Aha." Jenny's revelation punctuated the air, pulling him back into the here and now. "I knew it."

"What?"

Jenny rolled her eyes at his attempt to play innocent. She swallowed hard.

"This was as much about impressing the mother as the daughter right?"

Ray said nothing. Any protest would sound useless. Jenny just looked straight at him, her grey eyes disarmingly honest.

"Your silence is damning, Ray." She teased. "Don't worry. I won't tell."

"Jenny - " Ray warned darkly. "It isn't what you think. I just don't want to let her down again."

"Right." Jenny nodded – tone dripping sarcasm. Her eyes never left his as she raised her glass to her lips, which were curved into the faintest of smiles. "Uh-huh."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Thanks for having me here." Bret began hesitantly, breaking the somewhat awkward silence. The night was bitterly cold, but dry and bright. Perfect for a walk. Perfect for trying to clear her head.

"What?" Neela looked up, startled from her reverie. He gazed at her quizzically, almost amused. "Oh. Yeah. It's OK. It's been nice to have you here."

"Mina's a great kid." Bret began, his tone appealingly genuine. Neela scuffed the pavement thoughtlessly. "Mom's looks and Dad's temperament. She's a star in the making."

Neela smiled brightly. Bret's eyes shone.

"This has been the best Christmas." He stated enthusiastically. It had been. It had been full of genuine smiles and real moments, unlike the stilted, awkward forced fun he would have been subjected to in Chicago. "Really. Great food, great atmosphere, great people."

Neela rolled her eyes, knowingly, when she heard his emphasis fall on the last two words. He'd had ulterior motive, she'd known that all along. It had clearly just taken him two blocks to get up the courage to bring it up.

"I wondered when you'd get round to this."

"What?" Bret asked sharply, painfully aware he'd been rumbled. His subtlety wasn't going to work.

"Asking me about Jenny." Neela finished. "That was where that was going wasn't it?"

"No." Bret denied. Neela stared at his profile intently, until he faltered and gave in. "Uh – OK, yes. She's quite the ice-queen. She's very confusing."

"Heh." Neela noted absently. "Sounds like Jenny all right. Tell you what, I'll talk to her."

She would be glad of the distraction from her own confused emotional state. Bret said nothing, which she took as an affirmative. Silence fell again, and left Neela alone with her thoughts of a very peaceful, but yet emotionally eventful day.


	8. Chapter 8

**Spoilers**: Anything in the first half of season 11 is fair game, but for the record the events of "Here and There" never happened. I don't plan on using any explicit spoilers anyway.

**Content Warning: **None, this chapter.

**Disclaimer**: ER and its characters are the property of Michael Crichton, John Wells, Amblin Entertainment and Constant C Productions. No infringement intended and these characters are used within without permission. In other words, I don't own everyone and everything you recognize, but I do own Jenny and Mina. Besides, I own nothing worth having except my car (who's 18) and a toaster, so I'd suggest not suing. I suppose I pretty much own Jackie as well – props to Ash for the name, incidentally. And I've completely made up Ray's background to fit into this story, by the way. Call it creative licence.

**Second Time Around – Chapter 8**

Neela prised the phone from the small hand, and crept from the room as quietly as she could.

"She does that deliberately." Neela rolled her eyes, closing the bedroom door and padding across the landing. "Because she knows you'll give in."

"I know." He said. She only had to close her eyes to imagine the smile on his face as he said it – it was the same smile he very often wore around Mina. "I don't mind."

Neela perched on the uppermost step, smiling to herself.

"So…we'll see you this weekend?"

"Yeah." There was a long, drawn breath. Neela sensed there was something else. "But there's something I need to talk to you about."

Why did that statement drop a lead weight into her stomach? She was suddenly glad she was already sitting down.

"That sounds ominous, should I be sitting down?" Her voice came out as strained, trying too hard to cover up nerves. It annoyed her that she couldn't be less suspicious and more together.

There was a nervous laugh. Neela was more suspicious with every passing second that he said nothing.

"Probably." Ray conceded, trying to inject lightness into his tone and the conversation. "My mom's bugging me…she wants to meet her granddaughter."

"She wants to torture me." Neela's tone was defensive, topped by a long, perturbed sigh. "Are you seriously asking if you can bring her here? When?"

"She's flying in on Friday." Ray's voice sounded almost sheepish. Neela's head spun.

"Ray." It came out almost as a scold. "Warning would have been nice."

"Since when has my mother ever given anyone warning?" He noted, knowingly sarcastic. "She does what she wants when it suits her. When I mentioned I was visiting you this weekend, that was it – she booked the next flight she could."

He paused.

"I am sorry."

He added. Neela had to believe the apology. It wasn't like a weekend with his mother was his ideal way to spend time either.

"Just tell me when you're getting here." Neela said tersely, not appreciating the thought, but not seeing a way round it. His mother was a determined woman, and 'no' probably wasn't in her vocabulary. "And I'll make sure we're ready."

The call was disconnected after a further tense exchange, confirming times, and brief pleasantries. Neela laid the phone down on her knees and stared at it, hating the tears that stung behind her eyes.

"Neela?" Footsteps approached from the bottom of the stairs, the tone clearly concerned. "Neela, are you OK?"

"Erm. I don't know." Neela swiped her eyes and looked up at Jenny. "That was Ray."

"I got that far." Jenny said, sitting down next to her friend. "What's he done now?"

"It's not him." Neela answered. Jenny's eyebrows furrowed curiously. "It's his mother."

Neela finished, watching Jenny's confusion consume her whole expression.

"His mother?" She managed eventually. "Wait. What?"

"She's coming with him this weekend." Neela stated bluntly. Jenny's thought processes had clearly not been turning in quite that direction and derailed spectacularly.

"Oh."

Neela allowed herself a wry smile at the fact Jenny was lost for words.

"That's what I thought." She added, tone edged with a faint sarcasm. Her stomach turned at the idea of seeing Jackie again, but how could she deny her the right to meet her granddaughter?

"Is that a good idea?"

"I don't know." Neela replied, honestly. "But there isn't much I can do. She is Mina's grandmother after all."

"Do you want me to…?" Jenny gestured to the phone. Neela cottoned on to what she meant. "I mean, it's my house. He'd understand if I…"

"Jenny." Neela cut across the thought sharply. Jenny turned to face her. "I'll cope. But thank you."

"No mother/daughter in law bitch fights?"

"She's not technically my mother – in – law."

"Yet." Jenny teased; cut off by the stern look in Neela's eyes that told her this was no joking matter. This bothered her. Jenny's face became serious. "No, I know. I'm teasing. It's as much your house as mine. Do what you want. I was just offering you a get out clause."

"Appreciated, but unnecessary." Neela muttered quietly, thinking for a moment. Jenny was about to get up to go, when she was stopped with a hand on her arm. "Hey, Jenny. I might need you to referee them. I'm working this Saturday."

Neela tried to be as apologetic as possible. She didn't like the situation either.

"I doubt Meg would be very forgiving to another day off, I've stretched her goodwill about as far as it'll go."

"Oh. It'd be my pleasure." Jenny couldn't help the sarcasm. Neela flashed her a look. "No, seriously. It's not a problem."

The tone was serious this time, and Neela was relieved. Jenny knew how serious this was, and was unlikely to misbehave the way she did around Ray. But Neela remembered Jackie Barnett as a distinctly difficult character, and probably just the kind of person who would get Jenny's back very distinctly up. She hoped, for all their sakes, that tempers wouldn't flare unnecessarily this weekend.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"I did it."

The phone clicked back into place. Bret was absorbed in reading something, wandering absently across the room, when he heard his roommate's statement.

"Huh?" Bret turned, clearly confused. "What?"

"I told Neela about my mother."

Ray clarified quickly. Bret eyed him suspiciously.

"You mean, you asked her nicely if your mother could go visit?"

"Well." Ray began. "Yeah. I asked. But being as mom is flying up Friday, she kinda had to say yes."

"Are you sure it's a good idea?"

"It's done now, Bret." Ray shrugged, expression still doubtful. Bret gave him a small, consoling smile. "It's gonna have to be."

"Your mom doesn't like Neela much, does she?" Bret surmised, worryingly accurately.

"Erm." Ray hesitated. "No."

"You want me to come along?" Bret offered, seemingly out of the blue. Ray knew it'd probably been something Bret had been thinking about for a long time. He wanted the legitimate excuse to return to Lincoln. New Year had been the final straw, and Bret was a completely hopeless case now.

"And add to the screwed up family weekend?" Ray's depreciative side kicked in. "Thanks, Bret. But I don't think it'd help."

"Yeah." Bret conceded, eyes dropping back to the paper in his hand. "Probably not. I'm probably the only person your mother hates more…"

"That's…" Ray started to protest. Bret didn't look up again, but cut across him decisively.

"Give me a break." He dismissed. "I'm the idiot roommate. It's cool. I had ulterior motive anyway."

"Yeah." Ray noted, watching his roommates back recede to his room. "I got that."

He muttered once Bret was out of earshot.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Friday rolled around with worrying rapidity. It was gone 8pm when he pulled up outside the terminal building, and climbed out the car to greet his mother. Her flight had been due to land over an hour ago, so he was probably already in for an earful for being late.

"You're late."

His first sight of his mother since before Abby died was of her standing on the pavement outside Midways domestic arrivals terminal with her hands on her hips, regarding him in that way only she could. The way that made him feel like he was still merely a child.

"Hello to you too mother." Ray picked up her bag and rolled his eyes as he turned back to the car. If this was an indication of how this weekend was going to go, he thought wearily, this was not going to be fun.

"I've been here nearly an hour." Jackie continued, tone increasingly irritated. Ray struggled to keep his cool. "What kept you?"

"I couldn't get away from work." He returned evenly.

"Work." It came out almost as a snort. "Always a convenient excuse for you, isn't it?"

"I'm sorry, mom." Ray said flatly, popping open the trunk. "But I'm here now. So let's get going before we're running any later, ok?"

He resisted the urge to slam shut the trunk, watching his mother climb into the passenger seat. Ray took a long breath, and opened his own door.

"I expect Mina will be in bed by the time we get there." Jackie looked at her watch, the words meeting his ears as he slid into his seat. "Well, I'll just have to wait until tomorrow to meet her."

"Yeah, I expect you will." The engine hummed into life and broke across his words. "But it's what you came all this way for. A few hours won't kill you."

But they might kill me, Ray added silently, sliding the car into drive and pulling away. The rest of the journey passed into insignificant silence, punctuated by brief, perfunctory conversations. The two and half hours seemed interminable.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Ray looked at his watch as they gathered in the living room, still feeling the journey like a dead weight on his shoulders. 10:30pm. Mina was in bed. That had been inevitable, ever since he'd been late getting to Midway. So they were reduced to awkward re-introductions, which were the last thing his weary self needed. Neela looked nervous, but was trying hard to hide it.

"Mrs Barnett." She greeted formally. "Nice to see you."

Neela offered her hand. Jackie eyed it and her for a long second before she responded.

"Neela." Jackie shook the proffered hand sharply; saying the name like it stung her. "How are you?"

She added, tersely polite.

"Very well, thank you." Neela replied, manners kicking in to high gear seemingly instinctively. "Can I get you anything? A drink? Coffee?"

"Coffee, at this time of night?" Jackie almost scoffed. Neela suddenly felt about 6 inches high. "A glass of water would be lovely though."

Previously a background player and clearly feeling awkward, Jenny stood up quickly and interrupted, keen to escape the room.

"I'll get it."

Neela acknowledged with a knowing nod.

"I did have dinner ready, but I didn't expect you to be so late." Neela hated how apologetic her tone sounded. It felt like she was trying to prove herself, but nothing she ever did was going to be good enough anyway. "I'm sure I could rustle up something if you're both hungry?"

"Don't worry yourself, Neela." Jackie dismissed coolly. "I'm not that hungry anyway."

"Ray?" Neela asked suddenly.

"Huh." Ray snapped back into reality, forced back into the scene he'd been trying hard to avoid thinking about. "No, thanks. I'm fine."

"OK. Well, I've put you in my room, Mrs Barnett." Neela's tone was overtly polite. "I'm sleeping down here, so Ray, that means you're in the basement."

She nodded in Ray's direction, and he acknowledged with a wry smile.

"We're a bit pushed for space." The tone was apologetic.

"I don't mean to be an inconvenience." Jackie said, voice clipped, jagged round the edges. Neela tried not to flinch. Why was nothing she said the right thing?

"Oh. No. I didn't mean…" Neela faltered, falling further into a hole of her own making. "It's fine. I mean, we're only sleeping, right?"

The smile was awkward, forced, and the joke died on its feet. Jackie just stared at her.

"Right."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Jenny had acted as guide again and offered to show Jackie to her room, when the blonde had complained about being tired. This left Neela and Ray facing each other across the otherwise empty living room.

"Shit. Shit. Shit." Neela exclaimed, exhaling loudly. "Could that have been any worse?"

"Calm down. It wasn't that bad." Ray tried generic consolation, knowing from the expression in the brown eyes that he was destined to fail.

"Wasn't…?" Neela spluttered in disbelief. "Were you in the same room as me? That was a train wreck, Ray."

She sank down onto the sofa bed, and put her head in her hands.

"Your mother hates me." She muttered under the curtain of her hair. Ray sat down next to her.

"That's not true…" He insisted. Neela's head snapped up.

"Oh come on, she's hated me since the day I left you, hasn't she? I'm just the trouble-making whore who walked out on her son."

"The word "whore" was never used." Ray tried to lighten the situation, but his tone failed to have an impact. "But you weren't her favourite person."

He conceded, tone soft but honest. Neela's face twisted into a sarcastic, cruel smile.

"And now I've given her the granddaughter she never wanted." It hurt Neela to refer to Mina that coldly, and Ray knew that. "Wow. She must love me."

She finished bitterly.

"I don't think she knows how she feels." Honesty forced its way between them. He reached to brush back her hair, looked her dead in the eye. "But she'll love Mina. Don't worry about that."

Neela sighed; suddenly glad she was working tomorrow.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Saturday dawned bright and clear, a bitter round the edges January day. Jenny was just considering how apt the weather was, given the current situation, when Jackie broke into her peripheral vision. She spun on her heel.

"Neela sends her apologies, Mrs Barnett, she's had to go to work."

Jenny offered her hand, well aware of critical eyes sweeping her up and down. Of course, Jackie came to breakfast fully dressed. Jenny, however, was still in her PJ's and dressing gown. She felt suddenly under-dressed.

"I'm Jenny Ramsay, Neela's roommate."

"I assumed that much." Jackie noted tersely. "Nice to meet you, Jenny."

"Mina'll be up soon." Jenny spoke brightly, ignoring the other woman's apparent brittleness. "She's very excited to meet you."

"I'm sure she is." Jackie returned, flatly.

"Any plans for today? Anything you'd like to see in Lincoln?"

"Not particularly." The frosty tone cut the conversation dead in half, left it hanging in the air. Jenny floundered, struggling not to let her temper rise.

"Well." Jenny drew the word out, filling the silence and lost for where to go next. "We'll just play it by ear then."

"Can I get you anything? Coffee? Tea? Juice?" She pointed to the pan heating on the stove. "I'm making French toast for breakfast if you'd like some."

"No…" Jackie began, a frown forming. The corners of her lips then tilted upwards as she thought better of it. "Uh. Yes, that'd be nice. White, 2 sugars."

"Sure thing."

Jenny forced the smile, and turned to make the required coffee. Moments later, she heard the scampering of small feet along the hallway, and prepared for the arrival of Mina to complicate the scene.

"Jenny! Jenny, are they here?"

Mina skidded into Jenny's legs, careering to an uncontrolled stop. Jenny smiled down at her goddaughter.

"Mina." Jenny began, amusement clear in her tone. "Turn around."

Mina turned slowly to face the kitchen door, saw the unfamiliar figure seated at the end of the dining room table opposite. She crossed the distance between them in a split second.

"Mata," Mina threw enthusiastic arms around her grandmother, pulled herself into Jackie's lap.

Jackie looked confused, like she thought she had just been insulted. Jenny met her eyes above Mina's head.

"It means grandmother." Jenny stated softly, leaning against the kitchen door momentarily. "Punjabi. It's what she calls Neela's mom."

Jenny explained quickly. Jackie softened slightly, but still looked uncomfortable with the idea. Ill at ease with her granddaughter's immediate, ebullient affection towards her.

"Hi, sweetheart." A hand ruffled the still tangled black hair. "How are you?"

"I'm fine." Mina responded, voice suitably sweet and polite. "I'm pleased to meet you."

"Yeah, sweetie, I'm pleased to meet you too." Mina squirmed round to face her grandmother, and examined Jackie intently. Mina's gaze could be intensely disarming, and Jenny sensed that was how Jackie felt about it.

"Daddy looks like you."

"Yeah." Jackie agreed as her gaze flicked up to the fourth person in the room, who'd just appeared the doorway. Eyes so similar to each other met. "Yeah, he does. More every year."

"I look like my mom too." Mina noted brightly.

"I know." Jackie said softly. Back at the stove, Jenny couldn't help a smile. "And quite the picture you are too."

"French toast is served." Jenny appeared from behind Ray, pan in her hand.

"Thank you, Jenny." Mina clambered onto her own seat, manners picture perfect in an effort to impress. Jenny had to smile. That was Neela's influence, loud and clear.

"After breakfast, how about you get dressed and show me Lincoln? That sound good?"

Jackie's tone showed the first real glimmer of warmth Jenny had noticed. Mina smiled widely.

"Oh yeah." She agreed enthusiastically. "I'll show you the park, and my school…"

"Sounds great." Jackie agreed, smiling. She handed a fork and knife to her granddaughter. "Now eat up."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Breakfast was finished in a happy silence. Mina cleared her plate, and politely asked to leave the table. She scurried off and returned minutes later – fully dressed and wrapped up against the cold January day.

Ray watched Mina and his mother disappear from view around the hedge that bordered the property, before turning back to his companion in the kitchen.

"You're being very tolerant." Ray flicked a suspicious glance in Jenny's direction. "How much is Neela paying you?"

He raised an eyebrow playfully. Jenny flicked the end of the dishtowel at him.

"Ray!" She exclaimed. "That's a horrible thing to say. Your mother is lovely. Like a cacti."

She added, off his gaze, absently drying the last plate from breakfast.

"What? Dry and spiny?" He returned sarcastically. "Gee, thanks."

Jenny shot him a look over her shoulder, closed the cupboard, thinking long and hard about the best explanation. She sighed as she turned to lean against the kitchen counter, holding his gaze firmly. .

"I meant well-protected. She's got a thorny outside, but there's got to be good under there somewhere."

"Well, let me know when you find it, will you?"

"Ray." Jenny reprimanded, a tone somewhere between severe and playful. "That's an awful thing to say."

"She's my mother, Jenny." He stated bluntly. "I'm allowed to say those things."

"I guess." Jenny conceded. "I don't always have the nicest things to say about my family either."

"You're not close?" The question was instinctive, but forced Jenny to look aside briefly.

"I used to be." Jenny's reply was guarded. He looked at her like he knew she wasn't finished, so she was forced to continue, adding a cagey explanation to her statement. "My sisters and I grew apart."

"Sisters?" Ray thought for a moment. "Wait, you told me this. Kirsten? And…"

"Sarah." Jenny supplied.

"That's right." Another nugget of information forced its way to the fore from their previous conversation, which Ray added just to show he had actually been listening. "She of the 4 kids."

"And the picture perfect life, yeah, that's her." Jenny deadpanned. "You get why we're not close then."

"Uh-huh." He nodded. "I know what being the black sheep is like, trust me."

Jenny watched his expression drift off – until she knew he wasn't really standing there anymore. She blurted the first, and most obvious, question that fell onto her tongue to bring him back.

"You got siblings then?"

"What?" The question shouldn't have been a surprise, but he was so lost in his own thoughts it turned out to be. Jenny regarded him curiously. "No. I'm an only child. Well, I wasn't but…"

He stopped himself, waved to dismiss his comments.

"What is this? You don't need to hear my childhood trauma."

"No." Jenny's tone was softer – with undertones of understanding. "But I know how you feel. Sarah was a twin. Ryan died."

The information barely had time to process before Jenny swept the words under the carpet with her next statement, turned the focus back onto him.

"Let me guess, your mother never really forgave you for being the one who survived?"

"I guess not." Ray conceded, considering Jenny's words. "Everything I do seems to disappoint her."

"You are not a disappointment." Jenny affirmed gently, before gesturing to the path just trodden by grandmother and daughter. "And neither is she."

"No." Ray allowed himself a bitter, half-laugh at the thought. "It seems I may finally have done something my mother approves of."

"So what if we aren't entirely the normal family your mother always dreamed of you having? We're still a family. In a screwed up, not-all-related kind of a way." Jenny grinned infectiously. "Your mom can see that too."

"Speaking of our screwed-up, not-all-related family, how's Neela been?"

Ray forced the conversation into a completely new direction. Jenny watched the relief lighten his expression; clearly uncomfortable with the way the conversation had been headed.

"Since you kissed her?" Ray flashed her a shocked look, a vague strangled noise coming from his throat. Jenny smiled. "Oh come on. That's what you were asking right?"

"Since Christmas, yes, Jennifer."

"Oooh. Full names. You must be serious." Jenny's smile never faded, her tone mocking. "OK. OK. I'll be serious."

"Thank you."

"Honestly, she hasn't talked about it much." Jenny shrugged. Not for a lack of trying, though. "A lot's gone on since then."

"Yeah. I know." Ray conceded. "Hey, I live with Bret. That was what you were referring to, right?"

"Yeah. Anyway. It freaked her out." Jenny surmised, twisting the conversation back to Neela effortlessly. "That's pretty obvious. I don't think she's quite ready to…to see you in quite that way again."

"It was stupid." He stated baldly. "Right?"

"Right." Jenny nodded. "Very stupid. But someone had to break." Another shrug, and it didn't seem to either party that continuing the conversation would be productive.

"Speaking of someone having to break…"

"Uh-uh." Jenny waggled a warning finger at him, her eyebrows drawing down to hood her eyes. "Don't go there."

"Oh, what? You can know everything about my private life, but I can't ask about yours?"

"There's nothing to tell." She said haughtily.

"Keep telling yourself that, Jenny, you might believe it one day." Ray returned. "In the meantime, I'm the one that has to put up with Bret's lovesick puppy act."

"I didn't ask to be irresistible."

Jenny threw over her shoulder as she disappeared down the hallway, and Ray detected just the barest glimmer of satisfaction underneath all the self-deprecation.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Morning passed into afternoon in the household. Jenny used the respite from caring for Mina to tidy up around the place, while Ray just felt a little lost. He didn't want to intrude on his mother's time with Mina, but he didn't really have anything else to do.

Which is how he came to be watching when the scene with the dollhouse that he should have known would precipitate disaster. He was far enough away that he didn't intrude, but close enough to hear what was said.

"So." Jackie settled herself on the couch, next to the dollhouse. "You got this for Christmas?"

Mina sat cross-legged in front of the dollhouse, apparently absorbed in her game. She nodded enthusiastically.

"Well." Jackie paused. "You're a very lucky girl."

"Do you want to play?" Mina looked up from her game momentarily. "Come on, Mata, play with me."

She pleaded. Jackie softened.

"OK. OK." She conceded. "But you'll have to come up here and explain it to me, because I can't get down there to play."

Mina gathered her dolls together in both hands and scrambled to her feet. She jumped up beside Jackie, and dropped the dolls unceremoniously in her lap.

"I was playing Families."

"Oh." Jackie looked up, caught sight of her son standing in the kitchen doorway. "How does that go?"

"Well." Mina picked up the first doll. "This is mom."

"This is dad." The second doll was brandished in front of Jackie. "And this is their little girl."

"And who's the fourth doll, Mina?" Jackie pointed to the small, red-headed doll that hadn't been mentioned. Mina looked serious.

"That's mom's friend." She answered after a pause. "She lives with them because dad isn't always around and she baby-sits."

"Right." Jackie bit her lip – nervous – and Ray cringed. "So why isn't dad always around?"

Mina regarded her grandmother long and hard, brown eyes solemn.

"Because he works a lot." She answered. Jackie thought she heard a slight tinge of sadness in the tone.

"So, what are they doing right now, your family?"

"Dad's just come home." Mina jumped down, and placed the dolls in the house carefully. "So, he's in the living room, playing with the little girl. And mom and J - "

Mina stalled, looked sheepish, and corrected herself quickly. Jackie looked down at the surprisingly self-aware 5 year old with a mixture of affection and concern.

"…the babysitter are in the kitchen making dinner."

The black and red haired dolls were placed with equal care next to one another in the fully equipped miniature kitchen.

Jackie looked up – green met green – and Ray knew exactly what he had coming.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

He avoided being pinned down for as long as possible, but knew it was inevitable. It was crawling towards dinner time when his mother finally cornered him, exactly where he'd stood and watched the telling scene between grandmother and daughter unfold a few hours ago.

"Is this arrangement good for her?" Jackie demanded harshly, looking over to where Mina was reading with Jenny, then hardening her gaze on her son.

"What?"

"You coming and going just at weekends?" Jackie returned sharply. "And not every weekend at that. In and out of her life like a jack in the box."

His mother became increasingly animated, talking as she tended to more with her hands than her words.

"You're just playing at this like you play at everything else." Jackie's voice was increasingly strained in her effort not to raise it and attract unwanted attention. "You're a part time father, and you are kidding yourself that that's good enough."

The tone was incendiary, and the spark landed exactly where it was meant.

"It's better than no father at all." Ray shot back.

"Oh, drop that right now." Jackie muttered acidly. "It's not how I raised you."

"How you raised me?" Ray retorted, dripping bitterness. He locked eyes with his mother; saw the hardness in her serpentine irises.

"You didn't raise me, mom, I raised myself. After…after what happened you never wanted to know. Until I started screwing up. Then suddenly my life was interesting to you again."

Ray paused for breath. His mother was breathing hard – chest heaving, eyes inflamed – but unable to respond.

"You took every opportunity you could to make me feel like I should have been the one who - "

Ray cut himself off, biting back vicious words he knew he'd regret.

"Like I was a big disappointment to you."

He finished instead, choosing a less inflammatory wording.

"Well, guess what. My daughter won't grow up thinking she's a disappointment to me. So I'll have one up on you right from the word go. She's got two parents who love her very dearly – despite everything that's gone down."

His mother could not doubt his devotion to his daughter. He was determined to make sure of that. Her expression changed – became gentler, slightly wistful.

"Love her very dearly, sure." Jackie stated softly, her hand reaching out towards his shoulder. "But you can love a child and still damage them irreparably."

He flinched back, away from her touch and away from her. Hurt flashed across her face.

"Don't, mom." He insisted. "I brought you here to meet Mina. You've met her, and tomorrow I'll take you back to Chicago so you can go home."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Neela perched on the edge of her bed, pulling a hairbrush through her dark hair, thinking over the past hours. She had come home from an exhausting day at work to find dinner on the table, courtesy – she had since come to understand – of Jackie.

But the atmosphere around the dinner table had been heavy, suffocating almost. Ray refused to meet her gaze, so she couldn't read what was bothering him. Jackie over-compensated for the atmosphere by being artificially bright, which just made the scene so much the worse.

Neela had been glad when it had been over, and she had been free to spend a precious hour bathing and reading with her daughter – a quiet hour in her day with her favourite person in the world.

It was now just after 11pm, and the entire house was in darkness, except for the dull glow of the table lamp which served as her bedside light for the time being. The door creaked open, moving a dark shadow across the bed. A figure poked her head around the door, blonde hair visible in the dull light.

"Jackie." Neela jumped, startled, the movement causing her to push the hairbrush painfully into her scalp. Tears stung her eyes. "I thought you were asleep."

"I was waiting till the others went to bed." Jackie said, purposefully softly. "I want to talk to you, Neela."

"Oh." Neela couldn't hide the note of surprise. "OK. Come in."

Jackie entered the lounge, dressed now in pyjamas and slippers. Neela tucked her knees up under her chin, dropped the brush beside her.

"I want to apologise for how awkward this weekend has been." Jackie began, one hand absently picking threads from the hem of her pyjama sleeve. "It was rude of me to invite myself quite the way I did. I know it must have been a shock."

"A bit, yes." Neela answered, meeting frankness with honesty.

"I didn't come here to make things difficult for you. I came here to meet my granddaughter."

"I know." She affirmed quietly. "I wanted you to meet her."

"I'll choose to believe that's true. Though judging by past actions, I don't know why."

"I…" Neela stammered, blindsided by Jackie's bluntness, though she should have been expecting it.

"Neela. I won't ask you to explain yourself." Jackie stated flatly. "You don't owe me an explanation. You were pregnant and you were frightened, and what's done is done."

"Mrs Barnett…" Neela's tone was altogether startled.

"He may be able to forgive you, God knows how, but I can't. I haven't. You and I will just have to learn to live with one another, for Mina."

"Yeah." Neela agreed softly. Her eyes met Jackie's dead on. "I appreciate your honesty."

"It's the best policy, Neela." The blonde replied. "That's how I live my life."

Neela couldn't help but feel it was a dig.

"You can see Mina whenever you want." Neela offered, suddenly generous. "I won't stop you coming any time. Or you could have her for a weekend maybe?"

"Let's take it one step at a time, shall we?" Jackie sighed. "Let's not run before we can walk. I'm sure she's had more than enough upheaval in her life recently."

"You could say that."

"I won't cause any more." Jackie affirmed. "This weekend has been more than tiring enough. I'll need a break to recover."

"She's a handful."

"She's a delight, Neela." Neela couldn't help but smile, mirroring the wistful smile on the older woman's face. "She's exactly like he was at that age."

"I believe that."

"Goodnight, Neela."

Jackie got up, and padded up the stairs to bed. The rest of the house slept on, but Neela lay awake for the next few hours – her mind far too active to rest – wondering just what had gone on to soften Jackie so, and whether it had anything to do with the sour look on Ray's face over dinner.

After a while, she grew tired of trying to figure out the situation, and rolled over to switch out the table lamp – bringing to a close another eventful day in the Rasgotra-Ramsay household.


	9. Chapter 9

**Spoilers**: Anything in the first half of season 11 is fair game, but for the record the events of "Here and There" never happened. I don't plan on using any explicit spoilers anyway.

**Content Warning: **None, this chapter.

**Disclaimer**: ER and its characters are the property of Michael Crichton, John Wells, Amblin Entertainment and Constant C Productions. No infringement intended and these characters are used within without permission. In other words, I don't own everyone and everything you recognize, but I do own Jenny and Mina. Besides, I own nothing worth having except my car (who's 18) and a toaster, so I'd suggest not suing.

**Second Time Around – Chapter Nine**

"Come on." Jenny implored, dogging Neela's heels as she dodged from room to room trying to avoid her roommate. "Don't pretend you've forgotten how to have fun."

"Jenny." Neela stated evenly. "It's just not my kind of thing."

"How would you know?" Jenny narrowed her eyes and frowned "I haven't even told you where it is yet."

"I haven't got anything to wear." Neela shot back instinctively.

"Fantastic." Jenny grinned. "An excuse to go shopping."

"What is this? Why are you so keen for me to go?" Neela's fingers tightened over the edge of the cushion as she straightened it, frustrated by Jenny's insistence. "I don't even know this person."

"No, but I do." Jenny said. "I need the moral support. It'll be good…few drinks, bit of a dance. A girly night."

"Jenny…"

"We haven't had a girly night in ages." Jenny jumped on her lack of defence. "Scrub that, we've never had a girly night. And as we've got a built in baby-sitter this weekend, what better opportunity?"

The redhead grinned her infectious grin, cocking her head and putting a hand on her hip.

"And because, goddammit, girl you need to remember how to enjoy yourself." Neela regarded Jenny, hands on her hips, resisting the temptation to break into a smile. "You were a person before you were a mother…"

Jenny paused, took a deep breath, waited for Neela to say something. Anything.

"Come on. Deep down, I'm making sense, right?"

Neela remained silent, but sighed instead. She closed her eyes and inclined her head.

"Aha." Jenny latched on to this glimmer of positive body language. "Gotcha! So that's settled."

The redhead turned for the door, satisfied with herself.

"You're coming with. We can be sad and single together."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Remind me why I agreed to this again?" Neela scowled at Jenny's reflection. The redhead ignored her roommate's irritation and continued to fuss with the bottom of the top.

"What do you think?"

Neela sighed. It was the day of the party, and she'd been unwillingly dragged out shopping early this morning, leaving Ray in full charge of a characteristically over-excited Mina.

"The same thing I thought when you asked me 5 minutes ago, Jenny."

Jenny wheeled and narrowed her eyes darkly.

"There's no need to be sarcastic, Neela." Jenny scolded. "This is supposed to be fun."

"Yeah. Fun."

Neela repeated sarcastically. Shopping was not, nor ever really had been, her thing.

"What are you wearing tonight anyway?"

Jenny demanded suddenly, hands on her hips, the sparkly top in stark contrast to her jeans, bare skin and uncontrolled hair. Neela shrugged, fidgeting uncomfortably.

"Something I've already got." Jenny opened her mouth to protest this statement, but Neela cut across her. "Look, I don't have the spare cash. And besides, I've got too many clothes already."

"And I don't?" Jenny laughed lightly. "Neela, honestly, sometimes you're 33 going on 63."

The curtain swung across and obscured Jenny from her, but Neela retorted anyway.

"Better than being 26 going on 16."

From behind the curtain, she heard a dismissive snort.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Ah." He lounged against the doorframe, running his gaze over the length of her back. "The obligatory wardrobe crisis."

"Shit." Neela jumped. "Where'd you come from?" She caught his eye in the mirror, but didn't turn around.

"Sorry. The door was open…" He wandered a few steps into the room, taking in the scene slowly.

"S'ok." She mumbled awkwardly, laying the skirt evenly on the bed in the 'not in a million years' category. "You want something?"

Neela hadn't meant to sound demanding, but that was how her question came across.

"Nope. Just happened to be passing by,"

"Yeah. Whatever. You never venture upstairs without…" Neela trailed off, noting that his attention had been drawn elsewhere. A breath caught sharply in her throat. She had meant to put that away…there was no way she could wear it…but there it was, large as life, the black dress. The dress that looked insignificant there on the plastic hanger – but that had a life and history all of its own.

"Hey…" Temptation and recognition overcame him. He reached out to touch the material, the coolness achingly familiar between his fingers. "I recognise that…you wore that to…"

He looked up at her, her eyes cast almost guiltily aside. "You still have it?"

The tone was nearly incredulous. Neela shrugged, attempting to remain non-committal. But the dress wasn't the only thing she still had from that night.

"Couldn't bring myself to throw it away." She admitted in a small voice. Memories loomed large in her imagination, the full weight of sentiment bearing down on her again. "It's my lucky black dress. I haven't worn it in…well, since then."

"Huh." The full meaning of her statement took a long moment to filter from his ears to his brain. He flicked an almost longing gaze from the dress, to her, and back to the dress again. "You should…wear it."

He struggled to keep his tone on the right side of appropriate, the air beginning to dance with memories he'd always imagined long buried.

"Who knows, it might just live up to its reputation."

He got up and left before he gave anything else away. Neela just stood, transfixed to the spot where he had been, not sure if she had just heard what she thought she'd just heard. And unable to believe that if she had, it could even begin to be real

She fingered the dress herself.

Maybe she would wear it.

And maybe it would.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Well. What do you think?" Jenny pushed the living room door wide so their captive audience had a full view. "Will we do?"

Jenny grinned widely, giving a twirl. Her red hair was naturally striking, and the sparkle on her top briefly dazzled, but Ray's eyes were elsewhere entirely.

"Mommy." Mina squealed, jumping up from the dollhouse and dashing towards her mother. "You look so pretty."

"Thanks, honey." Neela met Mina at arm's length with a quick, but affectionate hair ruffle. "I want you to be good tonight OK?"

"Of course." Solemn brown eyes stared up at her, with something approaching wonder. Neela couldn't blame her – Mina was used to practical, working mommy in jeans or trousers and her work shirt – and had probably never seen her this dressed up before.

Mina crossed back to her dad, who was still something approaching dumbstruck.

"We'll be fine." The statement was confident, easily belying his state of mind. "Go. Enjoy yourselves."

He ushered them towards the front door, and watched as they walked together up the path.

"Don't do anything I wouldn't."

He shouted after them, a cheeky after thought. Jenny waved back dismissively, and he smiled to himself.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"The guy in the corner's cute." Jenny said, having quickly appraised the remainder of the room. She flicked her gaze back to Neela, who was currently completely absorbed in chasing an ice cube around her already empty glass. "You know, apart from the horns and the long green tail."

"Huh?" Neela's head snapped round and followed Jenny's eyes. She sighed when she realised. "Oh. Right."

"Neela, you haven't heard a word I've said since we got here." Jenny stated bluntly, taking a long swallow of her own drink.

"Would you be offended if I said no?"

"No." Jenny shook her head. "Come on. What's the point in a girly night out if you won't even indulge in a bit of boy watching? You haven't forgotten how to appreciate a well-formed specimen of the opposite sex have you?"

Jenny was a master of leading questions. Neela remained tight-lipped. So Jenny pressed on – brave because there was no chance of anyone they knew over hearing.

"I mean, it has been a while, hasn't it?" She winked conspiratorially. "When was the last time you got laid anyway?"

Neela rolled her eyes.

"Indulge my immaturity." The mischief in Jenny's tone was almost infectious. "I can't even remember the last time you went on a date. Have you been on a date since I've known you?"

"Erm. Yes." Neela noted quickly. "That blond guy, the one from the store."

She confirmed. Jenny nodded slowly.

"Ugh. He was a creep." She said. "Pervy too."

"Yeah. Hence why the date didn't make it to dessert." Neela couldn't help but smile remembering the disastrous night. It was cringe worthy. He had quit the store not long after their night to forget. She couldn't say she had been sorry to see the back of him. "Anyway, why the interest?"

"I'm just wondering if you've completely forgotten what it is to be attractive and available."

"I haven't." She insisted, although she had wondered the very same thing a number of times since Mina was born. "It's like riding a bike, Jenny. It isn't something you forget."

"Or maybe it's just that you're not as available as you'd like the outside world to think."

"Jenny." Neela scolded, unwilling to acknowledge the possibility there was any truth in the statement whatsoever.

"One word – yes or no – was he the last?"

"Yes." The tone was somewhere between reflective and sad. "He was."

"Oh God. It's worse than I thought." Jenny mocked, rolling her eyes, successfully making light what was veering into very dangerous, potentially dark territory. "Oh…I love this song. Dance with me?"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Daddy." Mina said, her tone inquisitive. She looked up at him with those dreamy brown eyes. "Did you think mommy looked pretty tonight?"

"Course I did." He answered reflexively. Mina cocked her head.

"So why didn't you tell her?"

"Mommy knows I think she's pretty." Ray faltered, caught off guard by the inappropriateness and the bluntness of his daughter's questions. "I don't need to tell her."

"How does she know?"

"Mina." He stood and scooped her up from behind. Mina wriggled, protesting. "That is a question for when you are much older."

"Daddy." Mina protested, her voice now a whine. She didn't like to not know the answers, even if she wouldn't understand them when they were given.

"Mina." His tone dropped, serious and determined to avoid this conversation going any further. "I mean it. Now upstairs! It's bedtime."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Daddy." He'd just reached the doorway, and was hoping for a smooth getaway when the small voice piped up again. He sighed.

"Yes, Mina?"

"Are you and mommy going to get back together?" The question blindsided him and he struggled to hide the startled expression from his daughter.

"Not right now." He answered after a telling pause. Mina frowned, tiny creases appearing on her forehead.

"One day?" She pressed, insistently, snuggling herself deeper under the covers, her black hair splayed across the pillow.

"Mina." Her name escaped him as a heavy sigh. "I don't know. Maybe."

Mina smiled, apparently satisfied. He put a hand on the door handle.

"Goodnight, princess."

With that, he switched out the light and slid quietly from the room.

"I hope so."

He whispered to himself as he padded down the stairs.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Damn….which keyhole is it again?"

"Sssh." Neela hissed. "You'll wake Mina."

"I can't…" Jenny giggled. "It won't fit…"

The door opened, and Neela stumbled over the threshold, tipping headfirst into his chest. Jenny followed suit, her arms reflexively wrapping around Neela's waist.

"Damn." Ray regarded the two drunkards who'd just tumbled into the hallway. Neither could look at him, or each other, without giggling. "You two are going to regret this in the morning."

"Uh." It was Neela who eventually came to her senses, such as they were, and looked up. "Hi. We didn't wake you did we?"

"No." He affirmed. "No, I was still up."

"You always were a night owl." The look was somewhat glazed, but almost affectionate, and the tone strangely nostalgic.

"Well." Jenny said decisively, putting one foot on the bottom step. "I'm going to bed."

"Uh uh." Ray placed a hand firmly on either shoulder and steered the redhead towards the kitchen. Stumbling footsteps followed. "Glass of water, then bed."

He affirmed, attempting to stamp his authority on the situation. Jenny crossed her arms and looked at him.

"But…" She protested, pouting very slightly.

"Trust me. You'll thank me for it in the morning." He thrust the glass toward her. Her crossed arms didn't flinch and she scowled momentarily, before petulantly grabbing the glass and downing the clear contents.

"There." She scowled fiercely at Ray again. "Now, I'm going to bed. Neela?"

She threw out a hand, beckoning for her friend. Neela shook her head.

"I'm gonna…" Neela gestured to Ray. "That is, unless you want to go to bed? Uh…not…with me obviously…" She faltered, brain and tongue disconnected. "But you know, if you were staying up…"

"Like you said, night owl." Ray smiled at her. "Night, Jenny."

The redhead left the room, and apparently successfully negiotiated the way to the stair, as both Ray and Neela were waiting for cries of pain or loud crashes and neither came.

"And then there were two."

"Good night?"

"Uh. Yeah. I guess." She re-focussed quickly. "A bit of drinking…"

"A bit?" Ray raised an eyebrow.

"A bit of dancing…" Neela remembered too late that she didn't have full control over her feet and tipped forwards inelegantly.

"Ah." A hand on either shoulder righted her as she giggled lightly. "Not as naturally rhythmical as I remember."

He added.

"Good to be…not just a mom." The Americanism slipped into her speech and sounded awkward falling from her tongue. He couldn't help but smile. She looked up at him – cheeks flushed and smiling loosely. "Good to feel like a woman again."

"Good." He affirmed, deciding not to let her last comment bother him as much as it initially threatened to. Thoughts like that would only get him into trouble. "I'm glad it was fun."

Suddenly aware he was still holding her shoulders, he broke away and slumped onto the couch. Moments later, her petite frame joined him.

"'Bout you? You have fun?" She asked, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Oh yeah. Mina was as good as gold."

"Sorry about leaving you alone." The apology sounded flippant, even though he knew it wasn't supposed to. He knew she had had her doubts about tonight. "It was all Jenny's fault. This…this is all Jenny's fault."

"Yeah." Ray was forced to swallow hard as the weight of her body began to slide slowly across his own. "I'm sure she forced the drink down your throat."

"Oh she did." Neela stated, with an earnestness that could only mean she was completely drunk. "It was awful I tell you…awful…"

"Oh, I'm sure it was."

He kept his eyes focussed on the wall opposite, ignoring the fact that her head was cradled in his lap, and the straps of her dress were off both shoulders. There was a long moment of silence, and from the long breaths, he thought she'd fallen asleep.

"Ray?"

He looked down, startled.

"Yeah?"

Soft brown eyes stared up at him, seemingly scrutinising every millimetre of his face. How could she do that? How even when she was drunk could her gaze be that intense and unnerving?

"Nothing…"

She said, with a smile that very definitely meant something.


	10. Chapter 10

**Spoilers**: Anything in the first half of season 11 is fair game, but for the record the events of "Here and There" never happened. I don't plan on using any explicit spoilers anyway.

**Content Warning**: Nada in this chapter

**Disclaimer**: ER and its characters are the property of Michael Crichton, John Wells, Amblin Entertainment and Constant C Productions. No infringement intended and these characters are used within without permission. In other words, I don't own everyone and everything you recognize, but I do own Jenny and Mina. Besides, I own nothing worth having except my car (who's 18) and a toaster, so I'd suggest not suing.

**Second Time Around – Chapter Ten**

"Ow."

Jenny stuck the pricked end of her finger into her mouth and grimaced. Neela looked up and smiled. The redhead was struggling gamely to do her part in creating the costume. Progress, though the quality couldn't be faulted, was slow.

"You OK?"

"Yeah." Jenny removed the offending finger and nodded, examining the digit for any sign of blood. "I mean, my hands feel like pin-cushions but anything for my favourite diva-in-the-making."

"She's unbearable." Neela glanced up again. Jenny grinned knowingly. "Isn't she?"

"No more than normal." Jenny nervously picked up her own needle again, eyeing the fabric suspiciously. "She's just excited."

Jenny affirmed eventually. Neela tilted her head, wistful, her own fingers moving nimbly across the fabric. Jenny watched – a form of awe.

"You must have been good at that whole doctoring thing - " Jenny gestured at her hands. "You sew faster than anyone I've ever seen."

"Suturing is different." Neela stated flatly, never looking up. "My mother taught me. Said it was important."

"She was right." Jenny admitted, her lack of practical skills currently shaming her. "So, any word from your other half?"

Neela's eyes snapped up sharply, momentarily inflamed, until she saw the deliberately mocking expression on the redheads face.

"Yeah, he's managed to swap shifts." She sighed, genuinely relieved. Mina would have had the strop to end strops if her daddy had missed her first school play. "And don't call him that."

Jenny rolled her eyes at the scolding tone of voice.

"So, he'll be here?"

"Tomorrow afternoon." Neela answered, returning to her sewing." Alone, in case you're worried."

She added.

"Why would I be?"

Jenny was instantly on the defensive. Neela gave her a stern, but knowing look.

"You look almost disappointed."

"Don't mistake disappointment for -"

"Denial?" She cut in sharply. Jenny sighed – lost for an answer it seemed – and pretended to examine her stitching again. "Well, that's what you're in."

"I am not."

Jenny hated the petulance in her tone of voice.

"Why else the sudden vow of silence on all things Bret related since the New Year?"

"I'd just…" Jenny stammered for her next word, hating how disarmed she felt at Neela's question. Neela stopped sewing and looked up – brown eyes intent. "There's nothing to talk about, that's all."

She said finally – trying to signal the end of the conversation.

"Yeah." Neela muttered under her breath, frustrated by the wall that surrounded her best friend on the subject of Mina's godfather. "Right."

They continued their creative efforts in silence – the school play was tomorrow, it was imperative the costume be finished.

The leading lady had to look the part, after all.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"He isn't here."

Neela hissed. Jenny jumped – attention entirely elsewhere. She turned to face the entrance. The school hall was already busy, but there was one notable exception to the throng of proud parents.

"Jenny." Neela's voice came through gritted teeth. "If he doesn't make it – I'm gonna…"

Frustration rose in her tone. Jenny laid a hand on her shoulder, attempting reassurance.

"He is going to be here." She stated calmly and firmly, hoping her tone wouldn't belie her own deep-seated fears about the situation. "Neela, he said he would. He wouldn't let Mina down."

"She…" Neela took a deep breath, just stopped her voice from cracking. "She just wants him here."

"I know." Jenny assured, squeezing the tense shoulder gently. "And he'll be here."

Five more nervous minutes passed. Neela tapped her feet and fidgeted her hands alternately, a bundle of increasingly nervous energy. Jenny felt tired just sitting next to her. Her own stomach was twisted in a knot as well – knowing full well how miserable the next few days would be if he wasn't here.

The lights went down, and the seat next to her was still empty. Pitch black and empty. Visions of exactly what she would do when she finally saw him flashed past her eyelids in those few seconds between the lights going down and…

"Sorry."

A familiar voice whispered in her ear, fumbling with his jacket and awkwardly sliding into the seat. Jenny's stomach untied, Neela's hands and feet stilled, murderous thoughts pushed to the back of her mind. For now.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Daddy, Daddy…did you see? Was I good?"

Mina threw herself, costume and all, into her father's arms. No one else had quite the same effect. Seeing her father lit Mina up from the inside. Neela stood quietly nearby – contemplating the scene.

"Yes, princess." He scooped Mina up easily, swinging her into his arms. She squealed. "I saw everything."

"Just."

Jenny whispered in Neela's ear, laughing lightly. Mina beamed happily, blissfully unaware how close he'd been to missing it.

"You were brilliant." He reassured, smiling back at her. "So brilliant, I think we should celebrate."

Mina nodded enthusiastically, her whole body moving with the sheer effort. Ray looked over to Neela for approval.

"How about, oh I don't know, we go get the biggest portion of fries we can find, and follow it up with the stickiest ice cream on the menu?"

Neela rolled her eyes, pretending to play disapproving mother. But the whole scene, for some reason she couldn't fathom, made her heart want to burst.

At that moment, she couldn't imagine a more perfect end to the evening.

A dieticians and a dentists nightmare. Mina's dream, at least tonight.

"Right." Ray set Mina down. "That's settled."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Dinner had consisted of burgers and fries all round, at a diner Neela knew Mina liked because of the bright, 50's décor. It was all gleefully tacky. It was so out of place in Lincoln, but that was what made it unique.

They also happened to have the best range of sundaes in the town. Which was the course they were on now. Mina, apparently, had greater capacity for food than any of her adult companions – greedily delving into the sticky hot fudge sundae in front of her.

"Seriously." Jenny looked on at the 5 year old in wonder. "Where is she putting it all?"

Neela shrugged, digging her spoon into their shared ice-cream half-heartedly. Her heart wasn't the only thing that was fit to burst anymore. Just looking at the remaining creamy mush was enough to give her heartburn.

Mina, on the other hand, was still diving into her bowl with some gusto. Neela marvelled – again – at her daughter's ability to continually surprise her.

"Hollow legs?" Neela theorised, bringing the half-loaded spoon to her own mouth.

"Must be." Jenny muttered.

Mina paused – spoon halfway back to the by now sticky mess in her glass bowl – and looked up. Her eyes were suspicious, hooded by those fabulous black lashes, and she regarded Jenny and Neela in turn.

"What?"

Her 5-year-old vocabulary didn't stretch far enough to articulate it, but her face said it all. She knew when she was being watched.

"Just wondering if you were enjoying your ice cream." Jenny covered quickly, watching another full spoon pass the small, pink lips, a creamy trail running over down over the brown skin. "It looked really nice."

"It was." Mina turned and gazed earnestly up at her father. "Thank you, daddy."

Ray smiled, and brought the already prepared napkin to Mina's chin, wiping away the remnants that were running down her face.

"You're more than welcome."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Ostensibly, he was here to see his daughter's school play. Mina was, as ever, delighted to see him. She had demanded every spare second of his time from the end of the school play until they had finally managed to get her to slip off to sleep.

He padded down the stairs – just after 8pm, having read three different bedtime stories – with his mother's words of yesterday echoing in his head. It was during their monthly phone call. She had demanded to know what "real" support he was offering Neela. She meant money. Children weren't cheap, she'd said, and he was earning more than Neela was.

He had to concede that, for once, his mother had a valid point. He had taken it for granted until now, because it was easier to ignore the prickly subjects until they had established some sort of workable visitation arrangement.

That and talking about this avoided the potentially loaded conversation about his last visit.

Neela was in the utility room, head bent over the wash-basket, lips pursed in frustration and concentration.

"Want a hand?"

He offered – stepping across to the opposite side of the basket.

"Pairing socks? Be my guest."

She looked up, surprise registering on her face, and smiled.

They settled into a comfortable routine, building a pyramid of paired socks to the left of the basket.

"Think we should be encouraging her Shirley Temple tendencies?" Ray said eventually, having struggled with the best way to raise the subject, and deciding on an indirect route into it. "She seemed way too comfortable in the spotlight…"

"Can't think who she gets that from - " Neela teased, laying another pair aside, and grinning briefly at him.

"Well." He began. "With your looks and my talent – the girl's gonna go far."

"I won't deny you that." Neela conceded, still smiling. The silence threatened again, and Ray fumbled for words.

"Uh. Neela?" The tone made her look up again, nervous as it was. "This is kind of awkward but I…uh…"

He broke off. Frustration began to rise in her expression, but she decided to let him spit it out.

"Well, raising her can't be cheap…and…" Neela eyes widened. "As she gets older, it's only gonna get more expensive."

"What are you asking?" The words exploded out of her, harsh and unchecked. "Because I don't know that my finances are any of your business."

"They are when you're supporting my daughter." His own temper flared momentarily, a move he immediately regretted. Her eyes burned, clearly defensive.

"Our daughter." She retorted, inflamed by what she felt were his insinuations. "She's our daughter. And I've done just fine."

"That's not what I meant." He tried to backtrack, soothe the anger. "All I meant was you shouldn't have to do it alone. Not anymore."

"Well, thanks but no thanks." Neela threw the last pair of socks viciously into the pile, her tone bitter. "I don't need your money."

He stood there – irritated by his muteness, shocked by her response. He hadn't been…Surely, she knew he wasn't criticising her. Surely, she wasn't that proud.

"Goodnight."

The word snapped off into the night, suitably biting. His head reeled. That had not been how he had envisioned the conversation.

The evening, which had been so close to perfect he had never wanted it to end, was now ruined.

It had been a bad idea.

But the damage was now done.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The household was peaceful, although it was a discomforting, fitful peace. He checked the softly glowing clock on the microwave as he padded into the kitchen. 12:30am. He blinked rapidly, stretched to relieve his cramped muscles, and headed for the fridge. The sofa bed had been the least comfortable place to be – he had been restless, tossing and turning, eyes closed but not asleep for about the last hour.

Finally, he'd given in to the insomnia and decided to get up. The kitchen had seemed the logical place to go.

"Couldn't sleep?"

Ray jumped as the shadowy figure slipped into the dim glow of the refrigerator light, greeting him with softly, whispered words.

"Shit!" He exclaimed, hand closing reflexively on the ice-cream carton. "Damn, you scared me."

He turned to face Jenny, who stood there in light blue pyjamas, hair spilling uncontrolled over her shoulders. Even in the dim light, he could see her eyes were slightly bloodshot.

"Me neither."

She admitted with a shrug. Ray closed the fridge door, and leaned against it.

"Care to share?" The tone was a concerned one. Jenny wasn't a light sleeper. Usually, she slept like the dead. Something about this didn't add up.

"One insomniac to another?" A brief, knowing smile touched her lips. "If you like. On one condition."

"What?"

Jenny gestured to the carton, and then laid her hand out palm up and clearly expectant.

"That you hand me a spoon."

"Haven't you had enough ice cream for one day?" Ray teased, remembering the diner earlier.

"I don't believe there's any such thing." Jenny returned – only halfway joking.

As quietly as he could manage, he retrieved two spoons from the cutlery drawer. He handed one to Jenny. Her feet made no sound as she retreated from the kitchen. She sat down on the end of the sofa bed, tucked her feet up under her, burrowing them as far into the ruffled covers as she could.

Ray settled facing her, adopting a similar cross-legged position.

"So." He dragged the word out, effort concentrated on working the edge of the lid to free it and reveal the contents. It came free, and he cast it aside, looking up. "Midnight fridge raid…you're not normally a night owl."

Jenny ducked her head, spoon headed for the carton to fill her mouth so she wouldn't have to fill the silence.

"What's going on, Jenny?"

He prompted. She swallowed, sharply, the cold sending a chill up her spine.

"I…I…" She hesitated. He tilted his head and regarded her more curiously. "I haven't been sleeping great recently. Stuff on my mind."

"Stuff?" Disbelief caused the word to come out more forcefully than he'd intended. Her grey eyes met his with something approaching shock. "Jenny, who do you think you're talking to?"

"Has he…? Has he said anything?" Fingers fidgeted the loose folds of material at the crease of her knee, the questions leading, hesitant. She wanted to know, needed to know, but something in her dreaded the answer.

"No." Ray's answer was somewhat exasperated. "But that's precisely why I know something's not right."

There was a momentary silence, in which both took mouthfuls of ice-cream and regarded each other.

"Look, Jenny. I don't know what this is about. But you can talk to me…I don't share my ice-cream with just anyone, after all."

"It's stupid, really." Jenny tried to wave it off. Her tone was trying to be light, but the tinges of what lay beneath dragged it down. "Something I should just have forgotten about."

She paused. Ray knew better than to interrupt.

"When he…well, when we…you know…"

A slight blush rose on her cheeks and she flicked her eyes away, both coy and embarrassed.

"I can guess."

"Yeah." Jenny continued, the flush fading rapidly as the words, the evening, the pictures all began to tumble into her head. "Well, we were at the moment – the "this is really happening" moment. You know what I mean?"

Ray nodded.

"And, uh, he happened to say something…I had an absolute breakdown and threw him out." Ray's eyes narrowed instantly, scrutinising her expression. Jenny felt something in her begin to break apart again, which she'd vowed not to do in front of him. "Something in me snapped…brought back…memories."

"Memories?" Ray pressed gently, curious but concerned. "Of? Jenny, look at me. Memories of what? What did he say?"

He continued. Jenny dragged her head back up; knowing the glisten on her eyes would give her away.

"Drowning." She stated simply. "Something 'bout drowning. Honestly, I don't remember. But it was like a trigger or something."

Jenny bit down hard on her lip. Shadows slipped into her eyes, her whole expression haunted. Ray didn't press for an explanation. It was there, beneath her skin, about the push into the open. She swallowed hard and sucked in a long breath.

"My brother…Ryan. He was 7 and absolutely my hero. I worshipped him…I was such a tomboy. We lived by a river back then and we'd been sent down the shops on some errands. We were taking a shortcut back, when I tripped and fell in."

Jenny winced, as in her mind's eye she hit that freezing cold water again, as she had so many times in her dreams recently. She struggled momentarily not to let the memory draw her under – down into the icy, black water, down into herself.

"He didn't hesitate – threw himself in after me. I couldn't swim that well, so I was thrashing around."

Her fingers pressed hard into the soft flesh of her leg to maintain her hold on the here and now. Staying in the present kept at a safe distance how she struggled how she struggled against him, panicked, screaming.

"He managed to get me back to the bank…I tried to hold on to him. I tried to pull him out. I screamed blue murder but help never came."

She pulled her arms tight around herself.

"I tried to hold on…. but I couldn't." Jenny repeated helplessly. "They found his body a mile down the river."

There was another silence. Jenny kept her eyes focussed on his expression – as he absorbed her honesty – and it flickered between surprise and empathy.

"I was 4. I haven't…I should be over it, shouldn't I?" She tilted her head, blinking to rid herself of the telltale wetness in her eyes. "But just recently…it's been preying on my mind. Nightmares…pictures…you know the drill."

"Yeah." Ray responded, with a nod. "I do. And honestly, you never really get over it."

He paused, trying to strike a balance between empathetic and patronising, fearing what he was about to say could so easily come across as the latter.

"You simply find ways to get on with life."

Jenny nodded slowly, allowing the truth of the words to filter into her brain.

"You don't think I'm completely insane." Jenny enquired, instilling the words with a certain dry self-deprecation.

"No." He answered honestly. "And neither do you. What happened to Ryan wasn't your fault, Jenny." Ray stated, as bluntly as he dared. "And I think it's only natural that at a time of so much upheaval, when you're emotionally on edge anyway, that it preys on your mind."

"It's fear." She returned, equally bluntly. "I'm afraid. Afraid the life that's building around me is going to come crashing down like my world did the day Ryan died."

She paused, sucked in a breath. Her voice strained against the tourniquet she tried to put on her emotions.

"That I'm a curse. That I'm going to lose everyone I love, the way I lost him. Neela, Mina, you…Bret…"

"You are not a curse, Jenny." Ray said softly. "And you are not going to lose us. OK?"

Grey and green clashed again, and he continued.

"Neela, Mina and I are going nowhere."

Jenny smiled, a soft, you-can't-make-that-promise smile. She appreciated the sentiment, and believed him to be genuine.

"And Bret is hopeless for you…seriously, it's a whole love at first sight deal…"

Ray rolled his eyes at the very thought of his lovesick, marginally distraught roommate.

"And it's killing him that he thinks he hurt you, believe me. Trust him. Trust your instincts. You deserve to be happy."

"When did you get so wise?"

"Somewhere along the lines." Ray answered vaguely. Between the car crash and the miscarriage and Abby dying and discovering about the 5-year-old daughter he'd never known. Somewhere along the lines he'd had to grow up. "I don't know where. I certainly don't feel very wise."

"Your turn?" Jenny asked – curiosity piqued by the resigned sigh which had accompanied his last statement.

"I…I said something out of turn to Neela." He shrugged. He hadn't expected her to be quite so offended. Neela always had been so proud. "We argued."

"Ah, the first fight." Jenny allowed herself a half-smile. "Well, it had to happen."

"It was stupid." The words were frustrated, irritated. He ran a hand through his hair and cursed himself internally for it. "And she's gone to bed angry. I've got leave first thing tomorrow…I can't leave it…"

He trailed off.

"I'll talk to her."

Jenny assured firmly.

"But…" Ray protested.

"Do what you've got to do. I'll talk to her."

Jenny placed her spoon into the half-melted ice cream, wiped her hands down her pyjamas and unfolded her legs to stand.

"Now I've had enough ice-cream." She turned and walked to the doorway, hesitating momentarily, before turning back. "Thank you."

She didn't need to add any qualifying statement. He knew what for. The door closed softly, and Ray lay back.

His new life certainly wasn't short on surprises.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer**: Without prejudice. The recognisable characters herein are the property of Michael Crichton, John Wells, Amblin Entertainment, Warner Brothers and other people with more money and influence than I have and are used here without permission. Jenny, Mina, Karen, Becca and certain aspects of Brets backstory (including his surname) are my own creations. I have also invented certain aspects of Ray and Neela's backstory for the purposes of this story.

**Spoilers**: None, as far as I'm aware.

**Content**: Nothing, unusually.

**Notes**: Sorry, sorry, sorry this has taken so long - real life bites and my muses suck, so there's my only excuses. It's been a crazy little while is all. I really…well, I really struggled with this chapter, so I hope it doesn't show too much.

**Second Time Around**

**Chapter 11**

Bret rolled his shoulders to remove the sleep induced stiffness as he wandered into the kitchen practically on auto-pilot, one hand reflexively reaching for the fridge door handle. He had a plan - get up, get orange juice, settle on the sofa and watch bad daytime TV. The band had had a gig last night, and he was exhausted. As if to emphasise the point, he yawned widely, and felt his neck muscles complain bitterly.

Sometimes he wondered if he was too old for this music lark.

Shouldn't a guy of his age have other priorities by now anyway? He rolled his eyes, frankly stunned that his mind would, or indeed could, go there at this stage of the day. It was way too early to be that philosophical about life. A cold draft circulated around his bare feet, and he concentrated his efforts instead on finding the orange juice carton.

It was a brief, and eventually fruitful, search as he came away with what felt like a half full carton of Tropicana. He sighed. Part two of his plan for today had fallen into place.

He was unscrewing the cap of the orange juice carton when his eyes caught on the mess on the countertop. Damn Ray - he thought, cursing his absent flatmate - never puts anything back in its proper place. Bret knew he wasn't the tidiest of people, but he had nothing on Ray that was for sure. Bret moved over to examine the mess.

The calendar jumped to his attention. Didn't it normally hang by the phone? His spare hand reached to pick up the offending item, when his eyes caught on the delibarate red circle. Around May 5th. The capitilised letters underneath were underlined. J - E - N - N - Y. The name was followed by a carefully inked number - 27. Jenny - 27. Wasn't today the 5th?

Bret glanced at his watch for confirmation of the date. His mind started racing. Jenny's birthday.

That was why Ray had gone off with all that stuff. There was some sort of party in Lincoln this weekend. And he hadn't been invited.

Which, he thought, given the way New Year had gone was hardly surprising. Besides, he shrugged off his initial feeling of hurt, he couldn't have gone anyway. It was Karen's anniversary, and he'd agreed to take care of Becca tonight.

He'd swapped a weekend with one precocious 5 year old goddaughter, for an evening with his equally precocious 3 year old niece.

He raised the orange juice to his lips, thinking rapidly. He should do something though, he thought. He shouldn't let her birthday go unmarked. She has to know he cares about her - even if he was too much of a coward to phone her or go up there. Mind you, any man would be deterred after being given the cold shoulder so dramatically.

She practically threw you out, the devil on his left shoulder reminded him, needling him again when he already felt distinctly unsteady. His resolve wavered momentarily. She must have had her reasons - the angel countered - and Bret suddenly felt on balance again. Dented pride once again in check, he remembered back to that night.

It definitely hadn't been supposed to go like that.

Well, it had. Up to the point where she showed him the door.

He was more worried than anything by that. More concerned by the sudden change in temperature in the room. By the fact that one word made the difference between her being warm, receptive and more than willing, to being the ice queen. He'd had to work hard to get past the dent in his own ego - which had been, unsurprisingly significant - but he had managed it.

And he was still hopeless for the girl. Although they'd met a grand total of three times, Bret just had a feeling about her. He didn't know quite what it was yet. Jenny was different. And he was a walking cliche, he thought, shaking his head in disbelief.

None of these thoughts were getting the birthday quandary solved.

So...what could he do then? What could he get her? He couldn't go up there, could he phone? No. No. Phoning would be bad. There would be stuttering and awkwardness and he'd feel stupid and make an idiot of himself. Text? That could work...but it was so impersonal. Anyone could send a text. His mind began to spiral. It had to be a present then. He could write a card to go with that - something witty, charming and loveable. Something to endear himself to her again. So, what did Jenny like? It had to be personal, but not too personal. He looked around the apartment for divine inspiration of some kind. What could he get that could be delivered third person and could be delivered today? Chocolate? Well, she was definitely a chocolate kind of a girl, he knew that much...Blue eyes caught on something held by a guitar shaped magnet to the front of the fridge.

Lorelai's Florists...and an address about three blocks away.

Excellent.

That would work. He screwed the cap back on the orange juice, rattled the fridge door shut, and crossed the apartment back to his room to find some clean clothes and his wallet.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Sleepily, Jenny turned over to examine the red digits of her alarm clock. '08:30' they told her. May 5th. She inwardly groaned and turned onto her back, hair fanning across the pillows.

Her birthday.

She was 27. Officially a year older.

She wondered if there was any possibility of a low key day - maybe just her and Neela, taking Mina to the park and out for ice cream, then coming home to a dinner of something spectacularly fragrant and exotic that Neela and only Neela could ever make the way she liked, before putting Mina to bed and cracking open a good bottle of red wine, accompanied by an indulgently girly DVD. She fancied Dirty Dancing herself, but ever the diplomat, she would probably let Neela choose.

She knew how much Neela disliked Patrick Swayze after all, though she'd never understood it.

A long sigh escaped her lips. She knew there was no chance of a low key day.

Neela, God love her, couldn't let a birthday pass by without celebration.

And besides, she remembered with a start, Ray was up this weekend anyway.

Had he arrived last night? She couldn't remember seeing any sign of him when she'd gotten in from work, but that didn't mean anything. She was so tired, Attila the Hun could have been sitting in the living room and she probably wouldn't have noticed. It had been a crazy busy night for some reason. End of the month? People out spending the pay cheques before the mortgage payments and utility bills had a chance to swallow it all? She guessed that was as good an explanation as any.

Her question was answered by a soft click at the front door, and muffled voices in the hallway.

Jenny groaned again, and forced herself to get out of bed.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Good morning, sunshine."

Jenny waved away Neela's smiley remark, determined to get to the kitchen. Her feet dragged along the cold linoleum surface. Neela followed her, alarmingly alert for this time in the morning. Jenny suspected she'd already had a cup of coffee. No one got that perky on a Saturday at 8:30am without coffee. She ran a hand through her still tangled hair and yanked her dressing gown tighter around herself.

"Ray here?" She tossed out, offhandedly. Neela busied herself by the sink, but she couldn't help but feel there was one beady brown eye on her at all times.

"Nope." _Liar,_ Jenny thought, pouring herself a cup of strong coffee. She moved into the living room and slouched on the sofa, taking a long drink of coffee.

"Happy birthday."

Neela handed her a card.

"Presents later…" She cut herself off abruptly. "Once trouble is up and about."

"Thanks."

"Got any plans?" Neela threw out, apparently offhand. Jenny looked up.

"Nope." She paused, thinking for a minute. "Gotta drop by work. Check my shifts."

"On your birthday?"

"Neela." She sighed. "It's just another day in 365."

The brown eyes rolled disbelievingly. Jenny focused instead on the brown liquid in front of her, still trying to fully wake up and absorb the day. Another year older, but apparently not yet another year bolder, she thought wearily, draining the last of her coffee, mind flashing back to the one person she knew wouldn't be turning up to help her celebrate today.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Have you got the...?" Ray produced the kitchen foil from behind his back, and brandished it like a weapon. Neela, despite herself, giggled lightly. "And the...?"

Neela trailed off, knowing that in this house the walls had ears. Big cloth elephant ears that belonged to a certain 5 year old who had a mouth almost as big as her ears and hadn't yet learned the lost art of keeping a secret. Ray picked up on her meaning.

"Appropriately marked and placed."

Neela smiled at him. He smiled back, knowingly.

"You underestimate me, dear Neela."

"Are you surprised?" She shot back, over her shoulder, rearranging the plastic cutlery for the hundredth time.

"Where's the birthday girl?"

"She's at work." Ray frowned curiously. Neela picked up on his apparent puzzlement, and smiled again, this time more softly. "Checking her shifts. Had to do something to get her out the house for a couple of hours."

"Yeah," Ray agreed. "She not a big fan of birthdays?"

"Jenny's not a big fan of fuss." Neela shuffled forks between her fingers and laid them down, apparently satisfied, although Ray couldn't note any obvious difference from how they lay before. "Not over her anyway. But she deserves it."

Ray nodded.

"Anything I can do?"

"Yeah." Neela squared the knives delibarately. "Go familiarise yourself with the BBQ."

Neela indicated the grill with a sweep of her arm, and threw a brief glance heavenwards as she looked back towards Ray. There was the odd cloud in the sky, but it was altogether a bright, crisp May day. Unusual for their part of the world. Ray reached out and laid a hand on her shoulder in a gesture he hoped would pass for reassuring.

"Don't worry so much."

He said, turning to leave her. He stood, dutifully contemplating the BBQ for a few minutes, before he realised that one grill was much like another, and once it was lit basically all he had to do was turn the food occasionally and make sure it was all cooked. Possibly while wearing a silly apron. Most barbeques he'd ever seen had involved at least one person wearing a silly apron. He shook his head, deciding that he probably watched far more daytime television than was strictly healthy to form these stereotypes.

He was contemplating this, when Neela appeared at his shoulder. She was nervily flitting about, looking for ever more menial tasks with which to occupy her hands.

"So," he opened easily, "who all's coming to this shindig?"

Neela eyed the garden space - which was sufficient, but not enormous.

"Well," She drew the word out in a long breath. "You, obviously, Kirsten and Sarah are bringing the kids round later - so we'll have a full on rabble."

"How many?" The question was almost instinctive.

"In addition to our own? Kirsten has 4 and Sarah has 3, I think, including one who's a babe in arms." Ray raised his eyebrows, and Neela smiled. The thought of 8 children under the age of 10 was a daunting one, no doubt. Normally, he struggled with just the one. "Oh, and I think a couple of girls from the bar are dropping in later - Jessica and Kimberly, I think."

"Cool." Neela scowled at his use of the word, and his apparently completely unfazed tone. "Relax. Tension doesn't suit you."

o-o-o-o-o-o

Jenny returned from the bar about half past 10, and found that her hopes for a quiet birthday were already shattered. Neela was busying herself preparing what looked like enough food for a small army.

"What's all this?"

Jenny's voice was halfway between merely demanding and an all out screech, causing Neela to jump and curse low under her breath.

"Oh." She turned, wiping her hands down her apron."You weren't supposed to be back yet."

"Neela," Jenny said in a warning tone, running a finger round a ceramic dish full of chicken wings. "Tell me you haven't."

"It's just a few people." Neela turned back to the kebabs she was busily preparing, avoiding eye contact. "Honest."

"Yeah." Another figure appeared, and Jenny turned to see his rangy frame lounging in the doorway, a knowing smirk on his face. "Including a small army of children."

"Ray." Jenny did her best to sound surprised at his appearance. "When did you arrive?"

She added politely.

"First thing this morning," Ray answered. "Sorry, I didn't see you - Neela had me out on errands as soon as I got here. Happy birthday, by the way."

"Thank you," Jenny noted, manners never forgotten. "A small army of children? Are Kirsten and Sarah coming around?"

"Yep," Neela chirruped - taking a taster of the barbeque sauce, invoking a necessary pause in the conversation. "I invited Andrew and Oliver too, just so you'd have some male company."

She addressed Ray instead, ignoring the expression on Jenny's face. The grey eyes rolled in frustration. Mina, who had been up rather later than her mother had intended the night before, materialized in the kitchen, scuffing her feet and still wearing crumpled pyjamas. Seeing her mother's preoccupation, she attached herself to Jenny instead, nuzzling into the denim clad leg.

"Hear that, kiddo?" Jenny ruffled her goddaughter's hair affectionately. Mina looked up at her from under slightly sleepy lashes. "You get plenty of playmates this afternoon."

"Where's Uncle Bret?" Mina peered up at her father curiously, clearly expecting him to be part of a double act this weekend. She looked disappointed when he seemed to be alone. "Didn't he want to wish Aunt Jenny a happy birthday?"

"Yeah. Sure, he did." Ray looked over at Jenny, who stood nervily a few feet away. "He's just got family stuff."

Jenny didn't look up, perhaps feeling the green gaze boring into her. She had enough sense to know the real meaning of the words, even if those intricacies necessarily passed her goddaughter by. Mina frowned, lines creasing her forehead, brown eyes intent on her father.

"But..." She trailed off, her mind clearly racing, confused. "Aren't we family?"

"Yeah. In some ways," Ray confirmed gently. "But Uncle Bret's got a sister, and a niece. And he's got to take care of her this weekend."

Mina's frown faded somewhat.

"How old is his niece?" Mina questioned. "Will I ever meet her?"

"She's only 3," Ray answered. "But yes, I don't see why you can't. One day, maybe."

Mina, placated, let the subject lie. Ray left the kitchen doorway then and disappeared from view. Jenny stood in complete silence for a few seconds, before turning and following Ray.

"Is all that true?" She eventually muttered, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, stopping him in his tracks halfway across the living room. Ray looked at her in surprise. "Is that really why he didn't come?"

Ray nodded, turning to face her fully.

"Yep. It's Karen, his sister's, anniversary," Ray elaborated. "He's babysitting Becca tonight."

"Good," Jenny affirmed - voice steady, but expression wavering. He thought he might have detected disappointment, but he couldn't stake his life on that. "I wouldn't want..."

"What?" The question was somewhat sharp. "Him to have stayed away because of you?"

Ray sighed heavily.

"Give him some credit, Jenny."

"I haven't seen him since New Year. I was..." Jenny broke off, the rest of the sentence hanging somewhere in dead air, where eventually she decided it should actually remain. "I think Mina misses him."

She finished instead, trying to divert the conversation.

"Don't make this about Mina," Ray admonished, more harshly than he'd intended. Jenny's grey eyes sparked momentarily and she visibly bristled."When it's really about you. If you miss him, you've gotta tell him that."

"It isn't easy." Again, Jenny bit her lip, chewing on a piece of loose skin, the pain keeping reality close. "What I told you - that's the first time I've told anyone. It was hard. I don't think I can go through that again."

"The best things in life are never easy, Jennifer." Ray's use of her full name emphasised the older, wiser role he'd taken on in Jenny's life. "You're stronger than you think you are."

He regarded her for a second before he again turned to leave. Much as he hadn't planned it, he felt himself falling easily into the hole in Jenny's life that should have been occupied by Ryan - the older brother that she never got the chance to really have. He expected this realisation to make him more uncomfortable than it did - but, he reasoned, it wasn't a conscious decision, nor would he ever try consciously to replace Ryan. He knew only too well that he'd never be able to.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The day wore on - a passive kind of a silence descending on the house. The guests arrived at about lunchtime - first, the sisters and their entourages arriving in silver and black MPVs respectively, then the girls from the bar about an hour later in a dark red Toyota. Ray hadn't been sure what to expect of Jenny's sisters. Neither of them were in the slightest like their younger sibling. Kirsten was tall and rangy, with long light blonde hair with the same natural kinks as Jenny's and brilliant blue eyes. Sarah, though closer to Jenny in height, was somehow altogether more angular, with dirty blonde, totally straight short hair. Jenny, it seemed, was the black sheep in more ways than one.)

Both hugged her, and both had brought gifts and a bottle of wine, but there was an underlying tension that he'd have to have been blind to miss. Both of the husbands seemed harmless. Inocuous. He couldn't really come up with a better description. It was definitely a family where the women were always destined to be the dominant force. Jenny's face truly brightened, though, when the children appeared. Her nieces and nephews, like Mina, were the centre of her world.

He was introduced to the rabble of children - Caitlin, Rose, Ben, Ryan, Jack, Lily, and Amber - but was secretly glad when Neela pulled him away to begin the food preparation. Mina was hyperactive in the presence of so many playmates - so he gladly left others to take care of them.

All he had to do was take care of the food. And not give anyone food poisoning. So far, it seemed to be going OK.

Ray stood back and took in the full picture - Jenny looked happy. She'd changed and was now wearing a white cap-sleeved t-shirt teamed with loose, khaki combats, topped with a floppy cream sunhat to protect what was almost unnaturally pale skin. Her freckles were coming out in the sun, and her long red hair was braided in pigtails down her back. Ray reconsidered the words he'd used to describe the way she looked. She looked relaxed. He couldn't remember ever seeing her relaxed before.

He twirled the tongs in one hand and gave the sizzling food a passing glance.

"Hey." An unfamilar voice intruded into his thoughts. "How's it going?"

"Nearly ready." Ray turned to find himself face to face with - and rather too close to - a petite brunette. She was slim, pretty, and smiling at him. He gave her a surprised smile back. "Uh, hi."

"Hey," she greeted, taking a sip of her drink before she continued. "Sorry, you just looked kinda alone."

"Just doing what I'm told."

"I'm Jessica, by the way." He shook the proferred hand. She smiled again, revealing a row of almost unnaturally bright white teeth. "But I'm usually just Jess."

"Ray," he replied. "Nice to meet you."

"So." Jess shifted position, pushing one hip out and running a hand through her hair. "I know how I came to know the birthday girl. But how do you know Jenny?"

"She's..." Ray began, flicking a brief glance at the best friends who stood across the garden from him. "Well, I used to work with Neela, way back."

"Wait a minute." Jess sounded enlightened. She held his gaze almost too intensely. "You're the doctor?"

Her jaw practically dropped.

"You're Mina's dad?"

"Jenny told you, huh?"

"She mentioned Mina's dad was back on the scene," Jess elaborated. "And that he was a doctor from up north - Chicago, isn't it?"

Ray nodded.

"Well, it isn't necessarily a problem." Jess stepped closer, which he hadn't thought possible. He knew flirting when he saw, and heard, it.

Ray looked over, and was very glad to see Neela turn in their direction.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Is she...?" Neela's fingers tightened on her glass, and she took a long deliberate drink, meeting Jenny's amused eyes over the rim. Jenny mouthed the remaining word at her with a smile - which only served to irk her more.

"Why?" Jenny cocked her head, flicking a casual glance in the direction of the grill. "Does that bother you?"

"No," Neela replied defiantly. "Ugh. Could she be less subtle?"

"Neela?" The brown eyes flicked back round, full of disdain for the brunette. Jenny shrugged, still smiling. "It's just Jess."

"I know." Neela squared her shoulders, tone increasingly belying her words. Jenny stifled a giggle at how affronted her best friend was. Not to mention how easily wound up she could be. "I'm not bothered. But I think I'm going to..."

Neela grabbed the nearby empty serving platters, and gestured across the garden in the direction of the grill.

"You know, people are getting kinda hungry..."

"Do what you have to do."

Jenny tossed out as encouragement, watching her friend cross the small patio area determinedly, two large white platters balanced on her hand.

"Ray." She cut across the willowy brunette as if she wasn't standing there, her tone authoritative yet friendly. She flashed a smile at Jess, whose expression was suddenly stony cold. Neela came as close to being sized up as she ever had in her life. And she came closer than she'd ever come to doing it. It felt strangely good. "Any of that food ready?"

"Sure." Ray reached for one of the platters, placing it by the grill, apparently oblivious to the real motivations behind what she was doing. For that she could only be glad. "Kids getting hungry?"

"The big kids are kinda hungry too." Another smile at Jess, as she tucked a loose curl behind one ear. "Salad only fills people up so far."

Neela gave what she hoped was her most devastating smile, and watched as Jess slunk away into the background. She'd live to fight another day, Neela reasoned. She felt like she was marking her territory - but why? She looked over at the toned arms, deftly switching food from the grill to the platters, and scanned upwards - despite herself - feeling that old butterfly returning to roost in her stomach. Had she really been jealous? Was she really that easily wound up?

Could she fall for him again? Or should the question really be - had she already fallen for him again?

She shook her head to remove the stupid questions, and concentrated on carrying the food back to tables without dropping it. For some reason, her hands felt a little shaky all of a sudden.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"So that's Mina's father?" Kirsten opened, fairly bluntly. She had met the blonde only a handful of times before, but knew that Kirsten, more than the other Ramsay sisters, had a habit of being forthright. She was so beautiful, she could get away with it. Kirsten's eyes were locked on Ray, appraising him quite obviously.

"Yeah," Neela answered almost absently, focussing on keeping her food precariously balanced on the paper plate, and attempting to add sauce to her sausage roll. Kirsten threw her hair back and sipped thoughtfully from her glass of wine. Jenny stood nearby, lips a pursed line, desperate to say something.

"What did you say he did..?"

"Kirsten!" Jenny admonished, knowing her sister well enough to get the meaning behind her words. Kirsten merely gave Jenny a cool glance and continued.

"What? I'm only curious."

"I didn't," Neela replied patiently, turning back from the food table, balancing her plate on one hand. "He's a doctor - an emergency room attending."

"Nice," Kirsten returned, eyes flitting over to the grill, where Ray looked like he'd been born to stand there, alternately dishing out the burnt offerings from the grill, sipping from a bottle of beer, and delighting in making silly faces at Sarah's youngest, Amber, who was gurgling happily in her fathers arms. "He's good with them."

"Kids," Kirsten clarified, smiling in the very detached way she had. Neela followed her finger, knowing fine well what Kirsten was referring to. "Look - "

"Yep." Neela took a mouthful of her food.

"Are you thinking about having any more?" Kirsten asked almost nonchalantly. It was all Neela could do not to choke in her shock. "You two make a gorgeous couple."

Jenny's eyes opened wide, and she gaped at her sister's bluntness. Neela recovered herself enough to swallow the bite of her sandwich.

"We aren't..." She stuttered. "We're not together."

"Oh," Kirsten mouthed. "Shame."

"Kik." Another, slightly desperate, male voice intruded into their conversation. Kirsten followed the voice, seeing her husband standing physically seperating their two eldest children, one of whom was crying, the other of whom looked petulant and red-faced. "Can you come here a minute?"

The blonde left the conversation then, to attend to the needs of her eldest daughter, who'd been grazed in an argument with her younger brother. Jenny sighed, the scene obviously familiar.

"I'm sorry about her," Jenny said, rolling her eyes. "Kirsten was born without the gene that codes for tact."

"It's OK." Neela shrugged, chewing thoughtfully. "It's a fair assumption, I guess."

"What? Because you two have a child?" Jenny sounded disbelieving. "Nah, that's just Kik making assumptions is all. In her sheltered little world, everybody who's anybody is married with 2.4 children, white picket fence and the dog."

"Jenny," Neela cut through Jenny's monologue before it really got started. "You don't have to continually apologise for your family. Kirsten's lovely."

"Thanks." Jenny grinned infectiously. "But you're a rubbish liar, Neela, it's one of the things I love about you."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

With Kirsten forced to retire in defeat with her increasingly restless children - and husband - the remainder of the guests began to drift away. Jenny glanced at her watch as she watched Sarah's black MPV disappear from the end of the driveway. 5pm. Not bad, she supposed. She wandered indoors, where only the core foursome remained. Mina was exhausted - a day toying with her adopted cousins could do that to her - and she lay half asleep on the sofa while a video played on regardless.

"Erm, Jenny." The redhead turned at the sound of her name. "Someone at the door."

Neela's tone was coming across as somewhere between surprised and amused. Jenny walked towards the door with a vague trepidation, especially being as she had never heard the doorbell. A large bunch of white and yellow flowers, wrapped carefully in an opaque white and silver cellophane, were being thrust towards her. The scent of cut flowers and pollen filled the hallway, and she felt her head buzz momentarily. She stepped forward, extending a hand to take the flowers.

"Oh," Jenny exclaimed breathlessly, her jaw dropping somewhat despite herself. "Wow."

She finished, feeling a faint pink blush creep into her cheeks. The courier smiled knowingly. Neela looked excited, fit to burst. Nervous fingers grasped the cellophane-wrapped green stems. The courier disappeared up the path, and Neela softly closed the door.

"There's a card," Neela pointed out, a grin splitting her face ear to ear. "Want me to...?"

"No, no," Jenny said quickly, grabbing for the card before Neela's fingers could grasp the small envelope. "I'll do it."

Under expectant gazes, she slipped the small silver card out of the envelope, and opened it.

_Jenny,_

_Sorry I can't be with you in person to say this - but have a very happy birthday. Make sure they take extra special care of you, you deserve it :) _

_All my love,_

_Bret_

_P.S. - Whatever I did at New Year, forgive me?_

"So, what does it say?" Neela buzzed excitedly by her shoulder, but Jenny snapped the card shut before prying eyes could see and slid it into her back pocket.

"I'd better get these into water," She said quickly, beating a hasty retreat to the kitchen for a vase.

"Bret," Ray sighed. "Nothing if not utterly predictable."

"But did you see her face?" Neela beamed, hearing the faint sound of rustling cellophane and running water from the kitchen. "She was wrapped."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Evening was drawing in around them - the sunshine had faded to a hazy half-light, the grill still smouldered slightly in the corner, emitting tiny wisps of white smoke into the air. Jenny was sitting at the picnic table outside, elbows on the table, staring at the card in her hand. Neela approached quietly, the task of tidying up momentarily suspended.

"You know, you can't summon him by mere power of your mind."

"Oh." Jenny looked up from under the brim of her hat. The end of one braid had come undone and the hand that wasn't holding the silver card was toying with the fiery hair. "Hey."

Neela slipped onto the bench opposite, sliding the cell from her pocket and laying it on the table, carefully covered by her hand.

"He's thinking about you too," she stated thoughtfully.

"What are you? Psychic?"

"No." Neela nodded towards the impressive vase of flowers which stood on the windowsill, in clear view. "Those are indication enough."

"Uh." Jenny blushed again, and dropped the card onto the table. "Yeah."

She agreed hesitantly, apparently embarrassed.

"I've never seen you - " Neela broke off, gesticulating as if she could pluck the right words out of the air. Jenny watched her, patiently and curiously. " - like this..."

"Weird, huh?" Jenny shrugged, her eyes downcast again. Neela thought she could just detect the merest glimmer of impending tears on the edge of her tone. "Dammit, he's the first nice guy to happen to me, well, ever."

Jenny brought her hand down on the table top with startling strength, as if trying to chase away the tears by mere force. She looked up.

"Why can't I let him in, Neela?"

Her voice was almost pleading.

"I don't know, hon." Neela pushed the cell-phone across the table, trying for subtlety and failing miserably. "But you're never going to find out sitting here pining, are you?"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Ray watched the exchange between the two women from the kitchen window, his task momentarily forgotten. As he saw Neela get up to leave, he remained still - watching Jenny's reaction. Her hand hovered over the cell phone. She made a couple of half-hearted attempts - getting as far as flipping the phone open - before slamming it down again in apparent frustration. The back door opened, and Neela slipped into the kitchen.

"Will she do it?"

He asked, turning instead to face Neela. The bare shoulders shrugged, her back to him as she stacked leftovers back into the fridge.

"I don't know." Neela turned and leaned back against the cool metal door. "But I tried. And you tried."

"We've done all we can."

Neela nodded.

"How are you anyway?" He closed the gap between them, better able to read the weary lines on her brow. "Those kids looked like they were running you ragged."

"Oh, the kids I could handle." Neela smiled knowingly. "It's Jenny's sisters I find hard work."

"They're certainly..." Ray's vocabulary failed him. He changed approach slightly. "...well, Jenny's not exactly a chip off the old block, is she?"

"Not exactly," Neela concurred. "I can only take them in very small doses. They're..."

"...small town housewives?" Ray finished with a devastating accuracy. Neela inclined her head - he had taken the words right out of her mouth.

"Precisely." Neela raked her hands through her hair, causing the loose black curls to fall somewhat haphazardly back across her forehead. "They've never really approved of me - I don't think I quite fit their ideal."

"Me neither."

"Oh, I doubt that." Her tone dripped sarcasm, and she smirked knowingly. "I believe Sarah's exact words were, 'If I wasn't a married woman...' "

"Really?" She imagined she saw him blush slightly, a high pitched note of surprise registering in his tone. "I don't know what to say to that."

"Don't say anything." She grinned back at him, raising her eyebrows and cocking her head. "You'll either sound incredibly conceited or falsely modest. And neither appeal."

"Lose-lose situation? I get ya."

"Don't see it myself," Neela teased, pushing again at the boundaries of their relationship. Just how far could she go? How solid was their friendship really? The mock horror on his face told her that teasing was just fine by him "Age isn't really doing you any favours, you know."

He stepped towards her again, expression suddenly serious. She felt her smile fade slowly, as the apparent levity drained from the situation.

"You know, I'm glad we worked things out."

Neela furrowed her brow, confused by exactly what he meant. Seeing her confusion, Ray decided it best to clarify his non-sequitur.

"Everything - me seeing Mina, the money argument." He shrugged, as if to try and take some of the weight and intensity out of his words. "It's kinda worked out OK."

"Yeah," Neela agreed softly. "It kinda has, hasn't it?"


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer**: Without prejudice, the recognisable characters used within are the property of Michael Crichton, Amblin Entertainment, Constant C, Warner Brothers and a whole load of other people with more money, power and influence than I either have or will likely ever have. All I own is my 4 year old Fiesta and my toaster, so please don't sue. I do, however, own Jenny and Mina and any aspects of Bret, Ray and Neela that aren't recognisable from the television show. Abraham Lincoln Memorial Hospital does actually exist in Lincoln, but that's as much of its depiction in this story that is true. I've clearly never been there, and therefore don't know the inside details.

**Spoilers**: None, as far as I'm aware.

**Content**: Nothing, unless you count angst?

**Notes**: And yeah, heh, things take a dramatic turn….

**Second Time Around**

**Chapter 12**

Summer would be the only time Jenny actually thanked heaven for the skimpy uniform the bar made them wear. Most of the rest of the time, it was an annoyance especially when customers assumed it meant the girls were of loose virtue. Tonight, she was glad she didn't have to have any more clothes on. The atmosphere in the bar was stifling.

Jenny carefully laid out a napkin in front of the middle aged gentleman she was serving, and placed the glass neatly in the centre of it. She rolled her shoulders – this was her third night in a row and she was beginning to feel the strain.

"Jenny." The redhead turned from the bar at the sound of her name on her managers lips. Kim brandished the phone in her direction, waggling the receiver urgently. "It's important."

Kim hissed. Jenny flashed a quick smile at the customer she'd just served and turned to take the call.

"It's the hospital." Kim whispered, laying a hand on Jenny's shoulder supportively.

"Uh, hi." Jenny put the phone to her ear nervously, not quite sure what she was expecting to hear but doubting it would be good news.

"Yes. That's me." Her face twisted into a frown. Kim hovered nearby somewhat nervously.

"Right." The word tripped off her tongue, followed by a sharp intake of breath. "OK. I'll be there. Uh, I…are they OK?"

"OK. OK." Jenny nodded, face crumpled, fighting back the tears at the corner of her eyes. She replaced the receiver deliberately, sucked back a long breath, and looked Kim dead in the eye.

"Can I borrow your car?" She asked bluntly, hand automatically reaching for her jacket from the rack. "I've got to get to the hospital."

"What is it?" Kim asked, obviously concerned. "Is someone hurt?"

"Neela and Mina have been in a car accident." Her tone belied the knot of dread in her stomach. Her voice trembled only very slightly at the end. "She was driving my car. Can I take yours?"

Jenny repeated, turning colder by the second.

"I.." Kim stuttered, clearly thrown by Jenny's calmness. "Yeah. Do you want me to drive you?"

"No." Jenny gave a determined shake of her head. "No, that's OK. You've got a job to do here."

"Did they say…?" Kim trailed off, searching her coat pockets urgently. "…you know, how bad it is?"

"No." Jenny took the proffered key ring. "Thank you, Kim."

"Let me know how they are."

Kim called after Jenny's receding back. The words trailed into the darkness behind her as she found herself in the bar's parking lot. Her legs carried her onto autopilot to Kim's black Toyota.

Jenny slammed the car into reverse with more force than it really needed, and the tyres squealed in protest as she sped off the parking lot and onto the main highway.

Her only thoughts were of getting to Neela and Mina.

The rest of the world was a blur.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Abraham Lincoln Memorial Hospital, where Jenny found herself 15 minutes later, wasn't exactly the busiest of places. She remembered the institutional green walls and squeaky patterned linoleum from the day of Mina's birth. It sent a shiver up her spine. She yanked her jacket close around her and approached the reception desk.

A male orderly gave her a frosty look as he passed her by, merely for daring to cross his path it seemed. She didn't have the energy to glare back.

"I…" Jenny faltered, leaning her elbows on the cold countertop to support her increasingly dead weight. "I was told my friend had been brought here. She had her daughter with her, they were in a car accident."

"What's the name?" The receptionist sounded completely flat and disinterested. Ordinarily, Jenny would care. Not tonight.

"Neela. Neela Rasgotra." Jenny supplied. "Her daughter's Mina Barnett."

"Are you a relative?"

The woman asked, looking up from her computer screen at long last. Jenny sighed.

"No." She replied. "But I am Neela's emergency contact. Jenny, Jenny Ramsay."

"OK, Jenny." The woman smiled softly. "Why don't you take a seat? I'll get someone to come and talk to you."

"I.." Jenny had a sudden flash. "I have to make a phone-call…Is there a pay-phone?"

The receptionist gestured to the door, and Jenny caught sight of the black payphones hanging on the green wall beside it. She nodded her thanks and crossed the waiting area, rifling in her pockets for change.

Her fingers shook as she inserted the coins and dialled the boys' Chicago apartment. She chewed her lip, hoping upon hope that one of them was home.

"Hi, it's Jenny."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Oh, hi, Jenny." Bret greeted easily, swinging his legs up onto the couch and retrieving the remote from behind a cushion. "How are you?"

"I'm…" The voice faltered, and something in Bret tensed up. Ray appeared at his bedroom doorway, having been disturbed by the phone and clearly curious. "This isn't a social call."

"Jenny?" Bret questioned worriedly, catching his roommates gaze and shrugging.

"I'm at the hospital." Jenny sucked in a long breath, and Bret felt his heart jump into his mouth. "There's been an accident."

"What?" Bret exclaimed. "What happened? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Bret." She replied. "It's Neela and Mina. They…look, I don't know what happened, but I thought you should know."

"Yeah. Yeah, course." Bret nodded for emphasis, Ray's expression growing more curious by the second. Worry twisted in his gut for reasons he couldn't quite pin down. "Give us…we'll be there."

"See you."

Bret heard the dial tone cut across his thoughts. He stared blankly into space for a second, before bringing the receiver from his ear and laying it on the coffee table. Organising his thought pattern, he drew in a deliberate breath.

"Ray." He looked up, caught the look in already worried green eyes. "We're going to Lincoln."

"We are?"

"Right now." Bret affirmed, standing up. "Go, grab some overnight stuff."

"Bret?"

"There's been an accident." Bret spoke the words slowly, flatly, and watched the panic fly into Ray's expression as the words made impact. "Neela and Mina are at the hospital."

"What?" The question tore through the air, and green eyes flitted about the apartment wildly. Bret knew what he was looking for. He could read Ray like a book.

The roommates had the same thought at the same time, as both grabbed for the car keys that lay discarded on the coffee table. Bret got there fastest, forming a fist over the keys as Ray's hand slammed down on his.

"Bret - "

There was a dark, almost warning tone to Ray's voice. Bret regarded his roommate coolly.

"We're going." Bret repeated. "But I'm driving."

**o-o-o-o-o-o**

The sea of brake lights stretched seemingly interminably before him, and his hands gripped tighter to the steering wheel. Ray fidgeted in the passenger seat, and all this just served to unnerve him even more.

"She didn't say anything?" Ray asked worriedly, and Bret regarded his profile in the half-light deliberately.

"She didn't say anything." He replied slowly. "Just that there had been an accident."

"That could mean anything." Bret was sure that if Ray could get physical at that moment he would. He was bundle of nervous energy, and it was extremely worrying. "They could be dying."

"Ray." Bret cut across the nervous words firmly. "We don't know anything. Speculating will drive you crazy."

"What am I gonna do, Bret?" Breathless, desperate words filled the car's cabin. Bret tried not to let them further twist the knot of worry in his own gut, instead concentrating on the traffic in front of him and the twitching of his foot over the gas pedal. "What am I gonna do if they're…?"

"You're speculating again." Bret sighed, flexing his fingers and keeping his eyes firmly focussed on the bumper of the car in front. "You don't know anything. We will be there soon enough and whatever has happened we will deal with it then. OK?"

The remainder of the journey passed into an increasingly uncomfortable silence. Bret drove as quickly as he dared once they cleared the city traffic, and were on the open road that led to Lincoln.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The hospital room was achingly familiar – transporting him back to another time in another ER. A time when he had been the child in the bed, on the night his childhood effectively ended in a nightmare of crushed metal and an eventual lifetime of guilt.

A shiver passed up his spine as he thought of Cheryl, of that night, and relief flooded into every cell that he wouldn't have to relive that horror. That he hadn't lost another person he loved. His worry dimmed considerably on seeing both mother and daughter, together and still alive. The scenarios which had run through his mind had been torture.

He had seen first hand, through a child's eyes, the mangled aftermath of a car accident. The gut-wrenching horror that had filled him with had become horribly present again. The mere thought of Mina or Neela having to go through that, of either of them dying that way, had left him cold.

The two and a half hour drive to get to them had been painfully long. However, the scene that confronted him made every minute of it worthwhile. To see them alive made him feel alive again.

"How…how is she?" Ray faltered at the sight of his daughter, small and seemingly helpless against the white hospital sheets. Neela looked round - small steri-strips covering a wound to her forehead, her face tired and drawn.

"She's fine." Neela stroked the small hand absently as she spoke, eyes never moving from her daughter. "She's broken her arm, and she's got some internal bruising they want to keep an eye on."

"And how are _you_?" Neela looked up and smiled softly, a smile that never quite touched her eyes.

"Me? Oh, just shaken up. Bang on my head." She dropped her eyes and her tone again. "Might knock some sense into me."

Her self-deprecation was not entirely lost on Ray.

"What happened?" He crossed the space to the chair on the opposite side of the bed. Neela propped her head on her free hand, and deliberated for a long moment.

"I'm not sure." She exhaled purposefully, shrugging. "It just happened. I didn't even see the car that hit us."

She looked up, guilt flashing in her brown eyes.

"How could I not see it?" She demanded of the empty air, knowing Ray wouldn't have any answers. She shook her head. "I don't know. I mustn't have looked properly or something."

"Hey." She turned to look at him at the sound of his intervention. "Hey, don't beat yourself up. You're a good driver, Neela, you always have been. Whatever happened wasn't your fault."

"Try telling Jenny that." Neela allowed a wry smile. "It was her car."

"Is it…?"

Neela shook her head.

"Nah. Pretty superficial considering…" Neela replied. "We were lucky."

She stated eventually, looking up again. He caught her gaze.

"You were."

The meaning behind Ray's words filled in all the blanks. He reached across and laid his hand on hers silently.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The red head was bowed, hair falling over the downcast face. Her head was propped on her hands, her body tense in the hard plastic chair. Nurses and orderlies simply walked by the hunched figure. He noted the unbuttoned denim blazer, and the cut-offs and short blue shirt that made up Jenny's work uniform.

She didn't stir at the soft footsteps on the linoleum as he approached, so he carefully formed a greeting.

"Jenny." Bret greeted softly. The tearstained face turned upwards towards him, almost painfully slowly. He smiled as she finally made eye contact. "Hey there."

"Hi."

The voice was uncharacteristically small. He settled himself into the plastic hospital chair beside her.

"How are you?"

"I've had better nights." Jenny sighed. "How are you?"

"Well, that was about the longest drive of my life," He exhaled slowly, running a hand through already mussed hair. "Ray was about going crazy in the passenger seat."

"I can imagine." Jenny replied. "Is he…?"

"With Mina?" Bret supplied with a shrug. "Where else?"

Jenny allowed herself a small smile.

"I…I couldn't." She stuttered after a pause. "I couldn't stay…"

"She's got her mom and dad, Jenny." Bret laid a hand over hers. "She's going to be just fine."

"I…" Jenny faltered, trying and failing to hide the return of her tears. "I'm glad you're here."

She turned her body fully towards him, her shoulders convulsed in a sudden sob. Bret overcame his initial surprise and pulled her towards him. Her head rested against his shoulder, and he felt her tears soak through the material of his shirt.

"Hey…" He faltered, bringing a hand to her back, and making small, rhythmic circles. "Oh, hey. It's OK. It's OK."

"What if they weren't OK?" She gasped, firmly in the grip of her tears. "I can't…I can't lose them. I can't."

She repeated insistently, tightening her grip on his arm all the time she did so. He tried not to wince, and maintained the rhythmic motion on her back, trying to soothe her as you would a child. He wasn't sure how well it was working.

"Sssh." Bret soothed again. "Come on, it's OK. You're not losing anyone. I'm here, right here." He whispered into her hair, making sure she knew he wasn't going anywhere.

"Neela and Mina and Ray are down the hall and everyone is OK."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Abraham Lincoln Memorial Hospital was by far a quieter proposition at night than was Mercy, Ray thought absently, as the initial adrenaline fully faded and he found himself feeling the weariness a long day inevitably brings.

His first reaction to this feeling of weariness was to go and get himself a coffee. However, he soon argued himself out of it. Caffeine was undoubtedly the last thing he needed. He'd been pretty strung out for a great percentage of the evening, understandably, and his medical side told him that keeping himself awake artificially probably wouldn't be the most sensible of manoeuvres.

Besides, he couldn't physically bring himself to leave the room. Their vulnerability exerted a power over him he could no longer either deny or control. He had been too far away when they'd been in danger, and he'd vowed to himself since that he would do anything in his power to make sure that they were protected from hurt in the future.

That meant staying as close to them as possible.

"Ray." Bret's whisper startled him from his reverie. Equally weary blue eyes looked back into his own.

"I'm going to take Jenny home." Bret continued, flashing a glance to the open doorway. Ray saw Jenny lingering just outside, head ducked and hair dishevelled. "She doesn't like it, but she's so strung out…being here's just not doing her any good."

The concern in his roommates tone was almost overwhelming, and Ray was suddenly extremely glad he had a friend like Bret. In these situations, he always seemed to know what the right thing was to do. He kept it together tonight. Ray nodded slowly.

Bret reached out and placed the Honda's keys on the bedside table. Ray gave him a quizzical look.

"You'll need them to get these two home." Bret explained quickly. "Jenny's got her bosses car, I'll take that."

"Take care." Ray said, almost reflexively. He supposed it was natural that the idea of any of his friends driving anywhere would make him slightly nervous after tonight's turn of events. Bret noted the concern and smiled.

"I will." Bret reassured. "Call us if anything changes?"

Ray nodded again, and Bret exited the room as quietly as he had entered, leading a clearly shattered Jenny away by the shoulders.

His thoughts quickly returned to their pre-interruption state.

He was alone with his beautiful, sleeping daughter, and her equally beautiful, but broken, mother. And it came as no surprise to him that this was where he felt he belonged.

The hand underneath his moved, and twisted palm side up, sliding warm fingers between his. Ray looked at Neela in surprise, and saw that she seemingly remained fast asleep, her breathing soft and regular, almost in time with her daughters.

He sighed, and tightened his fingers in response.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Daddy." Mina's sleepy voice intruded into his thoughts. "Daddy, wake up."

Ray felt a small, but insistent, hand shaking his shoulder. His eyes blinked open, and he found two sets of brown eyes staring at him. His sleep had been fitful and he felt the crick in his neck as soon as consciousness returned.

"Daddy. Honestly." Mina sounded disapproving, staring down at him severely. He smiled at her.

"Morning, Princess." Ray said, straightening in his chair, stretching to remove the knots. "How are you feeling?"

"It hurts." The five year olds face was somewhat pinched. Her broken arm was cast and in a sling, which would be heavy for her.

"I bet it does." Ray consoled. "But you've been very brave, you know. Hasn't she, Mom?"

Neela looked startled at being dragged into the conversation. She flicked a glance between father and daughter, before smiling broadly at Mina.

"Yes, yes. A very brave girl indeed." Neela assured, rubbing her own forehead. She still looked very worn, as if she'd hardly slept. Ray tried to catch her eye again, to ask her how she felt, but Mina had other ideas.

"How long will I have to stay?" Mina scrunched her face up, regarding each parent in turn. "I don't like hospitals."

"I don't know, hon." Ray answered, pushing himself upright. "But I tell you what, I'm going to go get myself a coffee, and I'll find a doctor and find out, OK?"

Mina nodded slowly, eyes intent on her father until he finally left the room.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"She's a very lucky girl." The doctor, a middle aged man with dark rimmed glasses and a somewhat nervy manner stated, signing off her discharge with a flourish. Mina eyed him suspiciously. "Take care."

Neela clutched after-care instructions in one hand, and nodded earnestly, keen to get rid of the doctor so she could get out of this hospital. She was tired and all she wanted was her own bed.

"Come on." Ray gathered a happier, but still groggy, Mina into his arms, while Neela lifted their small bag of belongings. "I'll drive you home."

"Thanks."

Neela followed them on the slow trek down the corridor and out into the hospital car park. She opened the Honda's rear door for Ray, who placed Mina gently on the backseat and buckled her seat-belt securely.

"I'm going to ride with her." Neela slid into the back seat beside her daughter, and stroked stray hairs from the five year olds face tenderly. "Just feel safer."

Ray closed the rear door softly without comment and climbed into the driver's seat.

"I've got to head back to the city." Ray sounded almost apologetic, his voice stating his desire to stay loud and clear. He didn't want to leave them any more than Neela wanted him to leave. "But Bret said he could stay…if you need anything…"

"No…" Neela replied quickly. "We'll manage. But thank you."

The engine purred into life. He pulled out of the parking lot and drove home with somewhat more caution than normal, flicking more than occasional glances at the his family in the backseat, still relieved and delighted they were all still together.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Well, here we are." Ray pulled into the driveway, drawing the car to a smooth stop.

"Home again."

Neela waited for Ray to remove Mina, before clambering out herself, searching in her bag for her house keys.

"To the realities of going back to work, and insurance claims, and getting the car fixed." Neela sighed wearily, turning the key in the door slowly. "I can hardly wait."

Ray carried Mina over the threshold, and placed her on the couch, while her mother busied herself collecting pillows and her blanket from upstairs.

"Are you sure you don't need anything?" Ray pressed insistently, watching Neela tuck the blanket round her daughter, desperate for her to need him. She straightened and turned to face him.

"Honestly, we'll be fine." Neela stated, equally insistently. "Go if you need to."

"I…" He started to protest. "Well, I guess we'd better get going then."

Bret appeared at his shoulder as if from nowhere. Ray only assumed he'd been making the most of his time being Jenny's shoulder to cry on.

"Take care of your mom, princess." Ray bent to place a tender kiss on Mina's forehead. Still sleepy brown eyes blinked at him. "I'll see you both this weekend."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

The first half hour of the journey back to Chicago passed in a distinctly more comfortable silence than the journey there had done. The radio filled the silence with background noise. However, just as they turned onto the main highway for home, Ray decided to break the silence.

"I'm going to move." He stated firmly. Bret cast a curious sideways glance at his roommate, unnerved by the calmness of the statement. "To Lincoln."

Ray clarified quickly. Bret quirked an eyebrow, slightly confused.

"I don't like being so far away from her." He elaborated. "What if it had been serious? What if I hadn't gotten there in time? What would I have done then?"

Bret opened his mouth to interject, but Ray kept talking.

"It's not like there's anything keeping me in Chicago anymore, you know? The job I've got I could get anywhere. I haven't got family there."

"There's your friends." Bret finally managed to insert into the conversation, the words tumbling out quickly in order that they weren't lost in the train of Ray's thought.

"Bret." He regarded his roommate with a completely grave look on his face. "I'm not moving to the end of the earth."

"You're serious, aren't you?" It was a rhetorical question, the answer was written all over Ray's face. Bret had to stifle a smile – this news wasn't exactly unexpected. He had wondered what it would take to push his roommate into the decision.

"I've never been more serious in my life."

"Then go for it." Bret smiled knowingly. "If it's what your heart's telling you, you gotta follow that. She's your daughter after all."

Bret allowed a long enough pause, before adding a final statement.

"But I think we both know this isn't just about Mina."

Ray's denial was conspicuous by its absence, and the silence returned.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer**: Without prejudice, the recognisable characters used within are the property of Michael Crichton, Amblin Entertainment, Constant C, Warner Brothers and a whole load of other people with more money, power and influence than I either have or will likely ever have. All I own is my 4 year old Fiesta and my toaster, so please don't sue. I do, however, own Jenny and Mina and any aspects of Bret, Ray and Neela that aren't recognisable from the television show. Abraham Lincoln Memorial Hospital does actually exist in Lincoln, but that's as much of its depiction in this story that is true. I've clearly never been there, and therefore don't know the inside details.

**Spoilers**: None, as far as I'm aware.

**Content**: Nothing, unless you count angst?

**Notes**: Sorry this has taken so long!

**Second Time Around – Chapter 13**

"So, you've told her your plan?" Bret leaned against the doorframe, regarding the chaos of boxes around his roommates feet.

"Yes." Ray glanced up only briefly from the stack of CDs.

"And?" Bret pressed, reluctant to let the issue go. His roomie rolled impatient green eyes and cast the CDs haphazardly into a box.

"And - " Ray paused, remember the conversation. "She's happy if I am."

"Really?" Bret couldn't help the surprised note in his voice. "And are you?"

"Yes -" Ray looked up, his gaze more firm this time. "I actually am."

"And you've told your mother?" Bret decided that a subject change was in order. He also hoped he imagined seeing Ray wince at the mention of his mother.

"Yes."

"Good." Bret affirmed. "Because I don't want any crazy, middle of the night phone calls."

"My - " Ray broke off, seemingly slightly flustered. "She just forgets that there's a time difference is all."

"Ray." Bret said, laughter behind his voice somewhere. "Your mother is crazy. She I will not miss about living with you."

"Thanks." Ray straightened to face Bret, wiping damp hands on his jeans. "I'll remember to insult your mother the next time I see her, shall I?"

"You love my mother." Bret stated, grin splitting his face. It was partly true – sometimes, his roommate got on better with his mother than he did. Ray squeezed past him and into the hallway, heading for the kitchen. Bret turned on a heel and followed him, to continue the conversation. "So, how'd the hospital take it?"

"Not great." Ray answered, head in the fridge. He pulled back, can of soda in hand, and took a long drink before continuing. "Downright terrible in fact. There were nearly tears."

Bret quirked an eyebrow at this statement, and Ray smiled.

"You always were a wuss." Bret teased. "You're free of Mercy?"

"Free as a bird." Another pause for a drink, followed by a quick subject change on Ray's part. "Are you sure you're going to be OK without me?"

"Yes, mum." Bret saluted, mocking his roommate. The serious look on his face told him that his jokes were not necessarily the best way to go in this situation. "Ray. I'll be fine. Besides, I won't be alone for lone. Ad goes out tomorrow."

"Replacing me so soon." Ray replied, sounding slightly shocked. "I'm almost hurt."

"Bullshit." Bret cut across Ray, keen to avoid the potential for real emotion in the conversation. They'd lived together a while, and they knew each other backways forwards. This move was going to be a real wrench on both of them, more so than Bret was currently willing to admit. "So what's the plan? Am I never going to see you again or what?"

"That depends on how seriously you take your duties as godfather." Ray replied, pondering his next statement. "And Jenny."

"Jenny - " Bret's voice trailed off, a slight tinge of longing hidden there that Ray picked up on instantly.

"You know – redhead, waitress, cut glass grey eyes, figure…" Ray gestured with his hands, the way Bret had done after meeting Jenny for the first time. Bret resisted the temptation to smack Ray.

"Enough with the mocking." He said sullenly. "So, I can come down, see you once in while."

"You can come down on the pretence of seeing me, yes."

"That's what friends are for." Bret grinned again, and Ray grinned back. "You ready to roll?"

"Nearly." Ray moved to head back to his room. "It's amazing how 7 years of your life can boil down to 10 boxes and a guitar case, isn't it?"

He flung over his shoulder on the way across the room. Bret shrugged.

"Nothing surprises me anymore."

o-o-o-o-o-o

It was early evening in Lincoln, and it had been a long days work for Neela. She stood, facing her roommate, with her hands on her hips and a weary expression. Maybe this hadn't been the best time to bring this up.

The look on Jenny's face told her it hadn't been. And she wished she could take it back. However, with Ray due to arrive the following day, there wasn't likely to be a better time.

"Moving?" Jenny's voice was louder than she'd intended. Neela's face pinched instantly. "Is he mad?"

"Jenny - " Neela scolded – gesturing to the living room door. "Voice down. Cloth ears."

"Sorry." Jenny lowered the tone of her voice, locking eyes with Neela. "Are you for real though? He's moving, here?"

"Yes." Neela answered simply.

"Is he staying here?"

"Until he gets something else." She said with a shrug, watching Jenny closely for her response. Finding none, she decided to probe. "If that's OK?"

"Oh sure." Jenny rolled her eyes and threw up her hands dramatically. Neela was used to this side of Jenny, but wasn't entirely sure why it was out full force tonight. "Sure, use my house to carry on your little not-quite-rekindled-total-denial love affair with the man you unceremoniously dumped 5 years ago."

"Jenny - " Neela hissed impatiently, rolling her own eyes tiredly. "Please…that's…it's…he wants to be near Mina is all. The accident…" She broke off, pain in her voice at the memory. "…was a wake up call."

"Yeah."

With that, Jenny walked away. Neela hated unfinished fights, but resisted the urge to go after her friend – digging them both into a bigger hole tonight wouldn't be to anyone's advantage. She turned on her heel and headed into the kitchen – the washing up would not, after all, do itself.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

His arrival was relatively uneventful. Neela was at work, Jenny uncustomarily quiet, and Mina was at a friends house for the afternoon. He shrugged to himself, last box placed by the others. What had he expected? A triumphant fanfare.

Jenny paced into the room, picking her way around the new chaos of boxes on the floor, and he had known then he was in for trouble.

"So, what on earth inspires you -" Jenny jabbed a finger viciously in his direction, her eyes completely cold and unreadable. " – a man of supposed intelligence and standing who, last I checked, hadn't entirely taken leave of his senses to quit a good job in the city to move to a backwater like Lincoln."

The redhead allowed a long pause for effect, and Ray didn't interrupt. She was practically prowling around him, eyes never leaving his expression. It was most disconcerting.

"Elastoplast skills a bit rusty, were they?"

"Sarcasm doesn't suit, Miss Ramsay." He fired back, causing her to stop in her tracks and face him square on. She drew up her shoulders to her full 5 ft 6.

"I don't feel that's entirely fair." She returned. "What does Lincoln have to offer you?"

She paused again – coating her words with bitterness before she allowed them to escape her mouth.

"You're the big city type, Ray, I've known guys like you before." Jenny almost spat the words. He wasn't sure where this vitriol came from, why Jenny seemed so scathing all of a sudden. "You came from nothing and are determined to get somewhere, and getting somewhere involves a more sizeable urban conurbation than Lincoln."

Ray already had his answer formed by the time she'd finished speaking. He could match her sarky word for sarky word, and she knew it.

"Firstly, technically, conurbations are by their definition urban, and, anyway, Lincoln isn't one. Secondly, do not assume you know my type, I thought you were above stereotypes. And thirdly, I thought you liked me?"

Jenny hesitated, thrown off guard by the bluntness of the third statement. Her eyelids flickered momentarily as she struggled to think of an answer. Eventually, she sighed and decided on honesty.

"I do."

"Then why the sarcastic comments…"

"Suspicion." Jenny shot back, shoulders lifted in a shrug at his surprise. "It's the straight answer."

"Then give me a straight answer in return." Ray demanded. She tried to keep her expression neutral, but instead came off slightly petulant. "How long would it have taken before Neela moved back up North?"

"Oh, forever, probably." Jenny answered, the relevance apparently not striking her immediately. "Why?"

"You just proved my point." Ray replied calmly. "To stop being a part time dad I had to move here. If that means sacrifices in terms of my career, then I'll make them."

"Aren't you gonna miss it? Chicago, I mean?"

"Not as much as I miss Mina." Everything about his tone was so genuine it hurt, but if Jenny was touched she showed no signs of it. "My mother was right for the first time in her life – coming in and out of her life isn't fair."

He paused.

"She needs me."

"She didn't for 5 years." Jenny shot back, petulance overtaking sarcasm all of a sudden. Ray rolled his eyes in frustration.

"Screw that Jenny." He practically shouted, the redhead standing her ground. "Why can't you just be happy?"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o

His relationship with Jenny passed into awkward silence, neither deliberately avoiding the other, but neither actively seeking the other. It was strange. He had been living in Lincoln for two whole days now, and neither of them had been happy.

Today, his third day, he had gone to see the chief of staff at Abraham Lincoln Memorial Hospital. The man he'd met was the antithesis of everything a chief of staff should be – a mild-mannered guy in his early forties – and they had a very productive meeting.

As it turned out, his luck was in. One of their attendings had just left for a new life abroad, so they were one doctor down in their ER. They had been looking to promote in house, but his experience marked him out as a preferential candidate. Though the place was temporary – he was on probation, pending references – it was still a job.

It was with this information he found himself nursing a coffee at the kitchen table, considering where this new job left him. He supposed he would have to look for somewhere to live. He barely heard the key in the door, or the footsteps approaching the room.

"So - " Neela asked, entering the kitchen and pausing with her hand on the way to the kettles switch. " – did you get the slot?"

"Yes." He grinned. "You are looking at Abraham Lincoln Memorial's newest ER attending."

"Congratulations." Neela replied, flicking the switch and reaching for a mug.

"Yeah." He answered. "Guess I can go house hunting now."

"I brought you this - " Neela pulled the rolled up paper from under her arm and cast it in front of him. " – to help."

Ray glanced down – the local newspaper, which today had a property section inside – and then looked back up, false hurt on his face.

"That keen to get rid of me?"

"Just helping out." Neela shrugged, dropping the teabag into the mug.

"How was work?"

"Same as always." She replied non-committally, as the kettle began to whine.

"Do you like it?" Ray asked, head on one side and watching her carefully.

"It's a pay cheque."

"That's not an answer."

"What?" She spun back around, eyes burning suddenly. "You want me to explicitly tell you how unfulfilled I feel and how disenheartened that place makes me? I feel like my brain is dribbling out my ears most days."

There was a level of bitterness he hadn't heard from Neela often before. He had never really considered the way she felt about her job until recently…he hadn't wondered if she regretted giving up medicine. It was clear to him now that some part of her did.

"I didn't need to tell you that, did I?"

She demanded harshly.

"Not really." Ray looked down, avoiding her intense glare. The kettle finished boiling, and he was glad of the momentary interruption. She turned her back to pick up the kettle and he looked back up, staring at her back. "I kinda knew. When you gave up medicine…was it ever supposed to be forever?"

"I don't know." Neela stirred the tea thoughtfully, her eyes far away. She snapped back to present day, lifting the teabag out the mug and throwing it in the trash. "I guess no, not really."

"So go back." He said – toeing a delicate line. "I'm sure there's…"

"Ray - " Neela broke across him. "- that's crazy. I can't."

"Sure, you can." His tone was soft, confident, assured. He'd reasoned this through with himself, and it made sense to him. "Mina's at school, she'd understand. Don't you ever want to show her what mommy can really do?"

"I'd have to re-certify - " Neela said, throwing up the barriers he'd known she would. " – things have changed so much."

Her statement was true. Her medical license would likely no longer be valid in the face of recent developments. She cupped the mug, her face thoughtful. He thought for a brief moment she was seriously considering it, and decided to carry on his persuasion.

"So? I've never known you to be shy of a challenge."

"I couldn't." The voice tried to be decisive, but Ray picked up on the waver. "Mina…she needs me."

"She'll need you less as she gets older." Ray reasoned. "If you don't do it now, you never will."

Neela almost slammed the mug down on the counter top, and caught his gaze intently.

"Then I never will." She said, firmly. He opened his mouth to object. A curt wave of her hand told him to stay silent. "No, Ray. This conversation is over. Whatever it is you're trying to do or prove, forget it."

"I don't want you to regret the career you could have had."

He answered, truthfully.

"So I regret not being a good mother instead?"

"Oh, Neela." Ray sighed, running a hand through his hair. "You're so much more than some scummy shop assistant."

"It's that scummy shop that's paid to raise **your** daughter!" Neela shot back, enflamed now. "And you're right, I'm a mum! My intellect and opinions have not disappeared simply because I've given birth. I made a choice for the sake of my child - " She broke off, realising her tone was getting louder with every word. " – and I'm sticking with it."

She dropped her tone and practically hissed the last few words. He looked at her, shocked. Once again, he'd succeeded in insulting her. The road to hell, as they say, was indeed apparently paved with good intentions.

"Please - "

"I'm happy for you, for your career." Her tone levelled out – cold and serious now. "But don't impress your dreams on me. I have just one job that matters anymore."

And with that, she walked away. She didn't slam the door as Jenny would have done, she just disappeared across the living room and up the stairs.

He was left alone with his paper, and thoughts of yet another good plan gone wrong. How had he managed to alienate both the women of this household since arriving?

No one ever said shifting your whole life would be easy, Barnett, just suck it up. At least you've got a job…

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"I knew you coming here would be trouble." The words reached his ear from low over his left shoulder. He saw the other figure in the mirror, and his fist tightened on his toothbrush.

"Shut up, Jenny." It was his turn to hiss. Jenny just pushed onwards.

"Don't take your bad mood out on me." She retorted, tossing her flame coloured hair dramatically.

"Look - " He straightened – toothbrush outstretched like a weapon. " – unless you're spoiling for another fight…"

"Like the one you had with Neela?" She grabbed for her own brush. "Well, you are doing a spectacular job of settling in, aren't you?"

"Jenny - " The low warning tone was there again.

"You just don't know - " Jenny broke off, reaching this time for the toothpaste. " – where your place really is do you? Where the line is?"

"Where is the line, Jenny?" He turned to face her, staring at the top of her bent head until she lifted her face again. "Wanting the best for my family?"

"Mina is your family, Ray." Jenny replied, quite logically. "Neela is her own woman."

"Don't you think it's a waste?" Ray demanded, grabbing the paste out of Jenny's hand more viciously than he'd intended. She drew her hand back in surprise.

"4 years at Yale." The words were clipped and forceful. "A medical degree from University of Chicago? To be serving donuts and washing powder to the fat and unwashed of Lincoln? Damn right I do."

Jenny finished with a flourish, clearly as impassioned as he was.

"Then you see my point."

"She's her own woman." Jenny repeated. "A force of nature, from the minute that little girl was born, she's been the only thing in Neela's life."

"She was a good doctor, Jenny." Ray said, softening to the growing regrets he now felt low in his stomach. "A great doctor, in fact. Better than I'll ever be."

"I can imagine." Jenny said, a faint smile now touching the sides of her mouth. "But she's a great mother too, don't demean that for her."

"I'm not -" Ray began, but was stopped short by Jenny's knowing look.

"You didn't take anything away from her, Ray." Jenny surmised the feelings that had driven him today, that gnawing regret that he'd caused her to give up the one thing she loved. "She made her own decisions and she's made her peace with all she won't have because of that."

Jenny paused to wet her brush.

"She doesn't see you as someone who took anything away, not anymore. You gave her the thing that's most precious to her…" She looked back up at him, her grey eyes filled with something approaching empathy and affection. "Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

"I think so."

Ray replied.

o-o-o-o-o-o

"Daddy…" Mina called insistently, dashing into the kitchen. "Daddy…"

She repeated, throwing herself into his lap.

"Yes, princess."

"Are you going to leave again?" Mina asked, looking up at him with eyes that he could never deny.

"No…no, sweetheart, why do you ask?" He replied, turning over the page of the paper absently.

"You and mommy were fighting." Mina stated bluntly.

"Yes, sweetie, we were." Ray replied. "But not over you."

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for a new house."

Mina smiled up at him, clearly pacified.

"Will I be able to come and stay?"

"You can have your very own bedroom." He said, drawing the tousled black hair back from her face. "And you can help decorate it."

Mina beamed, looking down at the page in front of her.

"That one is pretty." She pointed at an advert he had been considering. An attractive, three bed not far from where he was currently sitting. Right in his price range too. "Looks like this house, a little."

She stated thoughtfully, her head on one side.

"It does indeed." He agreed. He pointed to another house on the same page, a squat building which had no redeeming qualities whatsoever. "What about this one?"

"Eww."

"My thoughts precisely, Mina." He smiled down at his daughter. "You're good at this."


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: **Without Prejudice. The recognisable characters herein are the property of Warner Brothers, Michael Crichton and Amblin Entertainment, all of whom have more money and power than I ever will. I don't own them and I never will. Please don't sue, all I own worth having is probably my toaster, and even the ownership of that is in some doubt. Honestly, I don't own the house I live in, the car I drive or even the laptop I write this on. I do, however, own Jenny, Mina, Karen, Becca, Kristen, Sarah et al, any aspects of Bret not revealed on the show, Louisa and Daniel.

**Content/Warnings: **Mild cursing – AU - Future fic - implied sexuality

**Spoilers: **None.

**Author's Notes: **Yes, yes. I know this has taken _forever_ and I apologise. However, I have been forced into resting (my own journal explains this in more detail, but I'm off my feet due to a knee injury at the moment), and hence have had nothing else to do but write. Oh, and spot the delibarate shout out to one of my favourite Season 12 moments 

**Second Time Around**

**Chapter 14**

Ray tucked the key into his pocket. Barely four weeks after first viewing, and he'd just secured his very first home. The estate agents door swung shut with a loud thunk and he stepped out into the sunshine. It was a warm early August day.

And he was a homeowner.

His mother would probably fall over when she heard. Bret very nearly had.

It was a pretty house. Beige panelled, Victorian, three bedrooms, big living area and separate kitchen, upstairs and downstairs bathrooms, and lots of outside space. Mina approved, which he guessed was probably the most important thing. Neela hadn't even seen the place, even though it was pretty much right around the corner from her own house.

The decoration wasn't exactly his taste, but there was time to change that.

Plus, he'd have to find furniture from somewhere. He wasn't even sure where one went to get furniture. The previous owners had left all the white goods, the carpets and curtains and the bedroom furniture – it was a set and now it was constructed nigh on impossible to get down the stairs again, so it had been negotiated as part of the deal.

He wasn't sure where he was supposed to find time.

Lincoln Memorial was, it turns out, pretty under-staffed. He was kept busy. And of course, he was a curiosity. Big city doctor in a small town hospital. He tried to keep them sweet, but the whispers got irritating after a while.

There were so many versions of his past going round the hospital; he had to admit he found it hilarious. He had to smile every time he heard a new one. None were even close to the truth, which was much more mundane than any one of the gossiping nurses had guessed.

And none of them even knew about Mina yet. He couldn't wait for that revelation.

He took it upon himself on this pleasant afternoon to walk to his new home. Rolling those words around in his head, it still didn't make much sense. This really was what growing up felt like.

And besides, going to his actual home wasn't a pleasant thought.

He quickly turned his thoughts away from Neela, because there was no place for anger in his afternoon.

It was simply too bright a day for that.

O-o-O-o-O

He'd been keen, too keen really, to get out of Neela's presence. Jenny had offered to help, and so here they were. He was almost officially moved into his new house, merely two days after closing on it.

It had been empty, and hence it did need to be aired, but other than that everything was in order. He pushed his front door shut with a foot, and followed Jenny into the hallway.

The redhead pushed the last box she was carrying on top of the stack already accumulated in the hallway, then moved into the living room.

"Well," Jenny looked around approvingly, "I hope you're very happy in your new home."

"You like?" Ray placed the last bag down by his feet.

"It's neat." Jenny replied, eyes slightly wide, appealingly child-like, as she swung to face him. "And not too far away either."

"Uh," Ray faltered, "yeah."

"Oh come on," Jenny tore her eyes away from the surroundings and met his. "things'll work out."

"It's been weeks."

"And how many times have you tried to apologise?" Jenny demanded sharply. He swung his eyes away guiltily. "I live there too, Ray, remember?"

"Well," Ray's demeanour changed, resistant to Jenny's challenge, "it's not really a problem any more is it?"

"Yes," Jenny answered bluntly "it is, Ray, because there's still Mina. The tension isn't good for her."

O-o-O-o-O

Jenny returned from Ray's still not sure whether she'd gotten through to him or not. It hadn't been much of a move – he hadn't had that much stuff – but it was only manners to help out. Plus, it was bonus to get away from the house at the moment.

Neela was bent over last night's dishes, furiously attacking a casserole dish with a scourer, when Jenny entered the kitchen. She observed the actions quietly for a second, before speaking.

"Well, he's gone." Jenny brushed her hands on her jeans, keen eyes trained on her roommate. "Don't look so happy about it."

Neela straightened, back suddenly poker straight, dish forgotten and turned.

"What do you mean by that?" She shot back accusingly.

"You've had a face on for weeks now." Jenny threw back, equally caustic. "And the atmosphere in the house has dropped about 20 degrees every time the two of you are in the room together."

"That's not true." Neela dismissed. "You're imagining things."

"Neela, I know what he said." The redhead returned, shock crossing Neela's face instantly. "And quite frankly, you're acting like a child."

"I'm…" Neela spluttered, her face practically turning purple. "I'm what?"

"You're acting like a child." Jenny repeated, firmly, watching Neela squirm and try to cover indignation with something else.

"You know nothing about it, Jenny." Neela planted her hands on her hips, feet shoulder width apart. It was a defensive stance that Jenny knew only too well. "I've tried…he's the one…"

"OK. So you're both acting like children then." Jenny shrugged, the fact a mere technicality. Her ire was up and Neela wasn't walking away from it this time. "But the fact remains that it's gone on long enough. Whatever the hell it is that you two haven't dealt with yet needs to be dealt with so we can all move the fuck on with our lives."

Neela's eyebrows shot up into her hairline, and Jenny bit back the urge to smile. She had to be taken seriously on this matter.

"I'm sorry to be so blunt, Neela." Jenny sighed, pulling back her bitterness just slightly. "But don't you think…well, don't you think maybe you're being a bit unreasonable in all this?"

Neela didn't reply. Jenny sighed again, frustratedly pulling her red hair back into a rough approximation of a ponytail with her hands. She was fidgeting, irritated, did she really have to spell this out?

Neela was a doctor, an educated woman, who couldn't see what was wrong with her behaviour.

"Neela," Jenny began, biting her lip, "he's tired of it. Every time he tries to do the right thing, he gets shot down in flames. Every single time he tries, you throw the past 5 years in his face like it was his fault."

o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O

Jenny skulked into the living room quietly, sliding the holdall along with her feet. Neela looked up from the couch, placing the book she'd been reading on her knee.

"You know, it's not compulsory I go to Chicago." Jenny was verbally dragging her heels, and Neela glared at her.

"You've told Bret you're going," Neela pointed out, almost coldly, "and you are not letting that man down again."

Jenny opened her mouth to protest. Neela cut her off.

"He's been up and down like a bloody yoyo with you." Neela sighed. "Some days I wonder why he's still around."

"Neela - " Even Jenny hated the petty schoolgirl tone to her voice.

"Just do the right thing, Jenny." Neela said, tone returning to even. "Go and celebrate the man's birthday with him, it'll do you good to get out."

"And you?" Jenny asked. "What about you?"

"What about me?" Neela shrugged. "Oh, I see. You were offering to stay to mediate. Well, there's no need."

Jenny stared at her friend disbelievingly for a second.

"There's no need, Jenny," Neela turned her back so her expression wouldn't belie her. "we're both adults."

"Oh yeah." Jenny retorted sarkily. "There's been a lot of evidence of that recently."

"Oh, go, will you?" Neela spat back. "You'll be late."

"Fine," Jenny swiped her overnight bag from the floor, grabbed her car keys from the key rack. "I'll call you when I get there,"

She shouted over her shoulder, as the door slammed shut in her wake.

O-o-O-o-O

This was the right address…wasn't it? Jenny looked down at the piece of paper in her hand, and back up at the brass number on the door in front of her.

Yes. So why wasn't he answering the door?

She sighed in frustration. There weren't even the sounds of footsteps inside the apartment. Could he have gone out? He was expecting her.

A quick glance at her watch confirmed that she was, in fact, slightly early. 3:00pm. The traffic was better than she expected, she drove with her foot to the floor, she was just glad to be out of Lincoln. There was any number of excuses for that.

She slung the overnight bag back over her shoulder, and was about to trudge back down the stairs to see if she could rouse the super and persuade him to let her in, when the door swung open.

Jenny turned back, a smile beginning to form, to be greeted by a somewhat sullen figure, dressed only in t-shirt and boxers, who definitively was not Bret. She frowned.

"I'm - " She smiled, going to offer the figure her hand.

"Jenny." The figure pre-empted, disinterestedly. Jenny felt her smile begin to fade. "And I'm going back to bed. Make yourself at home."

Jenny was too shell-shocked to move for a moment. The figure trailed back down the hallway, and she heard a door slam shut.

"Nice to meet you too." Jenny muttered to herself sarcastically, clicking the apartment door shut behind her. She took a brief look around the living room – spotlessly clean, though she knew that was probably only for her benefit – and quite firmly male. It had a nice feel about it though – it was a home, not just four walls.

She put her bag by the sofa and sat herself down.

O-o-O-o-O

Late afternoon slipped into early evening, and Bret was tired and irritable by the time he slid his key into the door at 5pm. He was somewhat later than he'd intended. The last client of the day had been more complicated than it first appeared.

"Hey," He pushed the door open, "anyone – "

He cut himself off when he spotted the sofa. Dark red hair spilled over the arm in loose waves, almost reaching the floor. He smiled, put his work stuff down softly by the door, and padded across to the sleeping figure.

Jenny had her head on the arm, her body curled in on itself. One arm was crossed protectively over her chest; the other hand was fisted under her chin. Bret sighed – unable to imagine a more perfect sight at that moment.

He perched on the edge of the coffee table, elbows on his knees, summoning up the courage to wake her. For a good long minute, he allowed himself to be completely absorbed by every detail of the way she slept, how vulnerable and childlike and jaw-droppingly beautiful every inch of her was.

Eventually, he bent over the sleeping form, brushed the hair back from her ear.

"Hey Sleeping Beauty," He whispered. Bravery and temptation got the better of him as he dropped a light kiss on her cheek as an accompaniment.

Jenny sighed deeply, shifted onto her back and stretched her legs. Sleepy grey eyes flickered open, lips slightly parted in a tiny smile.

"That make you Prince Charming then?"

Bret chuckled softly. Jenny pushed the rest of her hair out of her eyes, but made no effort to get up. Her eyes were heavy with sleep, but mischief lurked not far beyond.

"I guess it does."

"Well," A hand snaked up to grip his collar. "What kind of a wake-up kiss was that?"

Their lips collided halfway, Bret on his way down, Jenny on her way up. Fingers fisted tight into the material of his shirt, and made it entirely clear he wasn't getting away anytime soon. Not that he wanted to – this was an entirely welcome distraction from his aching muscles.

"Happy birthday," Jenny broke away, slightly breathless, a cute pink flush on her cheeks.

"It's - " Jenny smiled and brought her finger to his lips as he began to correct her.

"I know - " The smile was just the right mix of wicked and innocent, something Jenny knew only too well. "I'm just letting you know what to expect."

"Oh." Bret sat back. Jenny waited for her words to strike home properly. Blue eyes widened, and his jaw slackened ever so slightly. "Oh."

He repeated, suddenly monosyllabic. Jenny flicked her gaze away, suddenly coy, but still smiling.

"So, I did make dinner reservations for tonight, but…"

He trailed off suggestively.

"No - " Jenny began, feeling a hand creep onto her thigh. She batted it away. "Bret! No. No need to rush things too much. We should go."

"It's a little place, near Navy Pier." Bret elaborated. He'd booked it weeks back – his favourite little Italian restaurant – before he even knew Jenny was definitely coming. It was nice when a plan came together, he thought. "We could go watch the fireworks afterwards."

"Sounds good," Jenny smiled, pushing herself upright on the sofa. "you want to wash up first? You look like it was a tough day."

"Yeah," Bret stood, stretching out mildly achy shoulders. "thanks. You can put your stuff in my room if you want - "

O-o-O-o-O

Jenny dragged a hand through her hair, threw aside another top in frustration. She should have done this earlier. Having options was never a success story.

She could hear the shower going down the hallway, old plumbing causing the pipes to creak and rattle every so often. The room was surprisingly tidy, and modern. There were bits and pieces of music paraphernalia around, and a very cute picture of Bret with a black haired woman and a tiny, brunette toddler Jenny assumed to be his sister and niece, Karen and Becca.

The bed was even made. She had to admit, she was impressed.

_Back to the decision in hand, Jennifer._

She thought sharply.

Jenny sighed. She had two outfits to choose from, given the balmy nature of the August evening. She'd already discarded a sequinned navy tank as too informal, and a cream sweater as too heavy, leaving her with a spaghetti strapped, empire-line black cotton dress with green trim and a royal blue, puff sleeved fitted blouse and black Capri pants.

She narrowed her eyes at the two outfits.

Footsteps on the wooden living room floor alerted her to the fact a decision needed to be made. She scooped the blouse and pants into her arms, stashed the dress back into her overnight bag.

"Shower's free," Bret opened the door, towelling his hair, a white cotton towel anchored haphazardly on his hips. Jenny bit hard on her lip and forced her eyes upwards.

"I put towels out for you," She flashed him a quick smile in thanks, before scurrying across the living room. She suspected the temperature dial on the shower would be turned way down, simply to bring her body temperature back into normal range.

He really did a number on her that was for sure.

O-o-O-o-O

Strands of hair kept falling into her eyes as she attempted to concentrate on applying mascara. She had already poked herself in the eye twice – leaving black smudges on her contact lenses.

Her bra strap was creeping its way down her shoulder. Jenny swiped at it irritably. She was determined to look spectacular, but she felt a mess already.

"Jenny - " Bret called. " – we should be thinking about leaving,"

"Coming," She returned, straightening and casting a final approving glance. Her fingers toyed with the top button on her blouse, eventually leaving it done up. She grabbed the black shrug from her bag, slicked on some pale pink lip-gloss and swiped her evening bag from by the sink.

"Will I do?" Jenny executed a neat twirl just inside the living room, right in his eye line. "Can you be seen with me?"

"I - " Bret smiled, a little lost for words. Jenny blushed. " - yeah, you'll do. Come on, I'm hungry."

O-o-O-o-O

Jenny shivered as she stepped back into the night air, having gotten used to the warm, fragrant atmosphere in the restaurant.

"Chicago nights are not quite as warm as the days," Bret smiled down at her, reaching for the black shrug over her arm.

"Yeah," She gave a coy smile, as he helped her into the garment, hands brushing lightly over her shoulders. A shiver passed down her spine for an entirely different reason. Her fingers fumbled the ties on the front, but eventually, garment secure, she looked up at him.

He was smiling, and it made her feel like she was the centre of the universe. Bret offered her his elbow, and she contentedly linked arms with him, sliding her forearm along the length of his and knotting long, slender fingers between his against his hip.

"I…I can see why you love this city." Jenny opened, after a few minutes of wandering in a relaxed silence. She'd been to Chicago a few times before, but she had to admit she hadn't quite seen it in this light until now.

"It's home," Bret replied. "I've never really known anywhere else."

"That's how I feel about Lincoln," Jenny laughed lightly. "damn, that sounds stupid, right?"

Bret shook his head, and Jenny continued talking.

"I always…I just guess I always wondered what else was out there, y'know?" She shrugged, feeling slightly ineloquent. "Felt that there might be a world outside of Lincoln, outside of people I've known my whole life."

"There's no harm in that, Jenny," Bret said gently. "it's not disloyal to think that way. You…"

He paused, sighed, tightened his fingers in hers.

"…you always seemed to me to be more than Lincoln. It just doesn't do you justice, Jenny. It feels like it's containing you in a way you shouldn't be contained."

Jenny lifted her eyes, turned to look at him.

"Am I making any sense?" He asked, smiling down at her. "At all?"

She nodded.

"You put it better than I could have." Jenny replied. "Thank you."

"I knew it from the moment I met you," Bret continued. "has it ever been an option? Getting out, I mean?"

"Maybe…" Jenny said wistfully. They stopped walking, finding a spot on the railings close to the big wheel that dominated the skyline of Navy Pier. She leant forward, staring out over the lake. Bret kept his hand locked into hers, and she was glad of it. Of the company and the honesty. "…when I was younger. I…could have gone to college outside of Lincoln. I was offered a place at Northwestern. Things just didn't work out."

"What would you…?" Bret broke off. "What did you want to be?"

"I always thought I'd give teaching a shot." Jenny sighed. "English, probably, or History."

"You know," Bret said, staring off into the distance himself. "It's never too late."

"I know." Jenny conceded softly. "This is turning into a pretty sombre birthday. Shall we talk about something else?"

"Like?" Bret questioned lightly.

"Anything, Bret," Jenny replied, tone equally light and frivolous, pleased at the subject change. There was only so much honesty she could take in one evening. Questions rushed into her brain, the little things she didn't yet know about him. "Like what's your favourite colour? Are you a dog or a cat person? Anything you like."

"Red." Bret answered, staring straight at her. Jenny blushed to the roots of her hair, mildly embarrassed by the inference in his tone. "And I'm a dog person. Cats are too…aloof for me."

Jenny smiled.

"Blue." She returned in kind, holding his gaze. "And me too."

"So," She felt his body inch closer to her, bringing their joined hand across her back. "are we a match made in heaven or what?"

Her head turned, feeling the warmth of his breath on her cheek, and met his lips. Without ever breaking the kiss, he turned them away from the railing and brought her flush against him. Jenny was vaguely aware of the fireworks starting in the background, of the crowds around them, but she was too busy losing herself in him, focussing on the feeling between them to really notice.

"Now those – " Bret broke off, kissing the corner of her mouth one last time before straightening. Jenny had to tilt her head slightly to keep her gaze on him. " – are the kind of fireworks I like."

"Shall we head home?" Jenny asked, knowing the question was, after that, virtually rhetorical.

o-O-o-O-o-O-o-O

Saturday in Lincoln was not the ideal day to be going shopping. Neela, already flustered, pulled the dress shut and began to do up the poppers. Mina squirmed, all legs and arms and movement. It was infuriating.

"Mina!" Neela glared at the 5 year old, who was getting on her last nerve now. She loved her daughter dearly, but there were days when Mina's precocious ways and dramatic tendencies just wore her down. Today was one of those days. "Stand still."

"But mom…" Neela set her jaw against the pleading tone. She'd probably have earned herself a clip round the ear for that petulance when she was a kid. But the one person she'd always promised herself she'd never become was her mother.

" "But mom" nothing, Mina." The words were clipped and impatient, and Mina's face instantly fell. "The sooner you act sensibly about this, the sooner it's over and we can go have ice cream."

"We can?" Bartering with her daughter like that made her feel like a poor excuse for a mother, but today she was just too tired to argue merely on principle. Strawberry ice cream was a good way to get Mina to behave, and so she played to the little girls known weaknesses. Besides, she thought wearily, the sugar rush might do her some good too.

"Yes." Neela said firmly. "On the condition that you are as good as gold while we go get your school shoes?"

Mina grimaced. Neela didn't blame her. Black, sensible, thick-soled and inelegant school shoes had never been her favourite clothing item either.

"I know," Neela sighed. "but you're growing so fast last years don't fit you."

"Can daddy come meet us for ice cream?"

Neela rolled her eyes. This petulant mood the five year old was in was entirely down to the absence of her father from this shopping trip. Mina had become kind of insistent recently about the whole matter – whenever her mother told her they couldn't afford something, or didn't have the money, the immediate response was "but daddy does" or "daddy can,"

"I think he's working, sweetheart."

The lie was bitter on her tongue. It was his weekend off – she knew that. Mina frowned at her, pulled agitatedly at the checked school dress she was wearing.

"He's always working."

Her fist clenched automatically behind her back. This conversation, the very tone of it, was leading them down a potentially dark path. If Mina was an adult, she would be aware of that, but she was a child. She didn't have a sense of reason.

"He wouldn't be able to afford his new house if he didn't work, sweetie,"

"Why does he need the new house?" Mina pouted. Neela fought to retain control. "Couldn't he stay with us?"

"Not forever,"

"Why not?"

"Mina – " The growl was enough to silence the girl. She looked almost cowed. Neela supposed that was partially her own fault – Mina had rarely, if ever, been spoken to in less than friendly, appeasing tones in her 5 years. Neela just prayed the next stage after the silence wouldn't be tears.

"Is everything OK?" The shop assistant intervened. Neela tugged a hand through her ruffled black hair, looked over her shoulder, giving the brightest smile she felt she could manage.

"Yes, thank you," She reached for the zipper on the dress. "she's just fractious today. Over-tired."

Neela offered by way of explanation, suddenly aware everyone in the shop had been able to hear them, and acutely embarrassed by that fact.

"Can I get you anything else?"

"Have you got another of these in same size?" Neela asked, keen to make the shop assistant go away. "You know what kids are like."

It was an understanding, if slightly vapid, smile she got in return before the perfectly groomed older woman nodded and turned away. Neela quickly helped Mina redress in the jeans and t-shirt she'd chosen to wear this morning. The girl was clearly sulking and unhelpful in every way possible.

Neela grabbed the small hand in her own, dragged Mina at her heels to the cash desk.

Moments later, still dragging an increasingly reticent Mina behind her, she snatched the carrier bag from the desk and left the shop, the irritating tinkle of the door bell echoing in her head.

It was going to be a long day.

O-o-O-o-O

'Can you take Mina tonight? She's desperate to see you. I could do with the break. Neela.'

Neela watched her daughter shovel the ice cream into her mouth, concentrating hard on every mouthful. She smiled, wearily, and hit send on her cell.

She flipped the cell phone shut, placed it on the table and picked up her coffee. The bitter liquid was welcome on her tongue. More welcome was the chance to sit still. They had been shopping all day, and finally Mina had her entire new school uniform – not without some protest with regards the most practical shoes.

A few minutes went by, before the phone buzzed.

Mina's head shot up, eyes on the illuminated front screen. Neela snatched it out of her reach.

'_Sure. Be happy to. Bring her round whenever.' _

'_Thanks.'_

Her fingers moved quickly over the keys as she replied. The phone slapped shut with a thwack, and Neela locked eyes with her daughter. .

"D'ya fancy going to daddy's new house tonight?"

Mina grinned, the melted remnants of her ice cream evident around the edges of rosebud pink lips. Neela smiled back.

"Thought so." Neela reached over the Formica tabletop and wiped her daughters face. "You finished?"

Mina nodded.

"Then let's go."

O-o-O-o-O

Neela couldn't sleep. It was annoying her, because it was the first night in ages where she wouldn't be woken by Jenny coming in from the bar at all hours after work or by her daughter at some ridiculous hour in the morning. She'd twisted the sheets around herself tossing and turning, trying to keep her eyes shut for longer than 10 minutes.

Her mind was just too active. Try as she might, she couldn't get it – _him_ – she corrected, out of her head. Jenny may have been unnecessarily harsh, but there was a grain of truth in what she'd said.

Sighing heavily, she looked at the clock. It was nearly midnight. She slid out of bed, the wood floor cold against bare feet, and padded to the dresser. She yanked out a grey sweatshirt and socks.

The house was worryingly quiet, none of the comforting noises of other sleeping human beings that normally pervaded the nighttime around her. She walked downstairs, past Jenny's bedroom – unaccustomed to the lack of shuffling and tiny snorting noises emanating from behind the door – past Mina's bedroom, bed still perfectly made from this morning.

She thought of her daughter, tucked up safely in another bed, not minutes away from where she stood. She and Mina had barely ever been separated in 5 years, and somehow, it tugged at her heartstrings in a way she knew was illogical.

Mina was with her father. She was safe.

This was entirely alien to her. Sharing her daughter, her responsibility, with someone else. The past few months had been…Neela struggled for words, unsure what her dominant emotion actually was.

She guessed strange was as good a word as any, but it didn't really go all the way to explaining the situation.

It was fear, she supposed, taking a glass from over the sink and filling it with crisp, clear water. That was what made her behave as she did. It was a poor excuse, but it was the only one she had.

Fear of him. Of what he meant to Mina, of what he was to Mina. Of what he had been to her. Of what he _still was_ to her. That frightened her most – that everything they'd ever been was so clear and present – in front of her stark and bright and so tangible again. She could reach out and almost touch the past again, those feelings and stolen moments, in a way that frightened her beyond reason.

She swallowed the water quickly, gulping to try and clear her head.

It was irrational, maybe, but it was real.

Wasn't the only way to get over fear to confront it?

Neela placed the glass down by the sink, her every movement deliberate and slow, mind working overtime.

To confront _him_.

She shrugged and frowned to herself.

Before she could analyse her reaction any further, she slid her feet into her training shoes and grabbed keys from the hook in the hallway. It was only three blocks to Ray's after all, and who'd be out at midnight anyway?

o-O-o-O-o-O

Neela stood on the street, staring up the pathway to his door for a long five minutes before she got up the nerve to walk up it. Even in the inky blackness, it was a nice house – solidly put together, pretty, good size plot. There were plenty of trees Neela was sure Mina would have excellent fun exploring, and a pretty front veranda.

She tried to force practicalities out of her brain for once, focus herself on feeling something. On allowing her emotions to have control, just for one conversation.

She registered the shock on his face when he answered the door, even through the screen door, bathed in the dull glow from the porch light. Neela turned her face into a small, apologetic smile.

"I know it's late."

She half expected the door to slam back in her face, but instead a look of relief flickered across his face. Relief that she'd made the first move, and saved him the effort. The embarrassment.

"Neela."

"I didn't get you up, did I?"

He unhitched the screen door, beckoned her inside.

"No," Ray replied eventually, following his guest into the living room. "no, I was still up. Can I get you anything?"

"No, thanks," Neela turned to face him, hands tucked into the front pocket of her sweatshirt, fingers pulling at bits of fluff absently. Ray regarded her, head on one side, slightly puzzled expression on his face.

"Is that…?" He gestured to her sweat top. Neela glanced down at the logo on her shirt – realising it was from a university she'd never attended. He'd given it to her one night in the apartment, back in Chicago, when she'd been cold. She'd never given it back. She wished she could honestly say it was only because she'd forgotten she had it, but it wasn't. "It is. I was looking for that."

"Sorry," Neela apologised instinctively. "I forgot I had it. Didn't think it mattered after 5 years."

"It doesn't - " He broke off, tearing his eyes off the shirt and re-focusing on her face. "- it's just weird seeing you in it again."

"Nice house," Neela changed the subject abruptly.

"Is that what you came here in the middle of the night to say?"

"No." She affirmed, decisively. "No, it's not."

Neela shuffled her feet against the threadbare carpet, feeling slight unevenness in the floorboards beneath. Her resolve wobbled briefly.

"I came here to apologise."

"Apologise?" He couldn't help the note of sarcasm in his voice, feeling an outside hand in Neela's actions and disliking it intensely. "Jenny put you up to this?"

"Jenny's in Chicago, Ray." Neela shot back, tone designed to be cutting. "And no, I did this of my own free will."

"Are you doing it because you mean it - " He broke off, regarding her reaction closely, scrutinising the confused expression intently. " – or because you hope it's what I want to hear, that it'll make things right?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yeah, Neela." The tone was insistent, verging on combative. He hated it, but his temper was so close to the surface he couldn't help himself. "It matters to me."

"Both. Everything." The words rushed into each other, accompanied by uncharacteristically chaotic hand gestures. She was thrown, and it made her nervous. "All of it."

"Do you think - " Ray was suddenly aware how loud his voice was getting, and lowered his tone, keeping the words clipped and harsh. " – do you seriously think it's enough?"

Neela sighed, cast her eyes downwards. She felt body heat closer to her own than it was before, tried not to flinch away.

"It's all I have - " She said plaintively. "It's all I ever have, Ray. It's all I can do."

"Whose fault is that? Huh, Neela?" His challenge trod on a nerve, and she felt herself gape involuntarily. He continued, each word a little more bitter than the last. "Whose fault is it that "sorry" is the only word you have?"

"Ray -" He had heard her say his name like that before. That pleading edge to her voice when someone's demanding answers of her, demanding a truth she doesn't have.

"No, I've been rational and I've been reasonable and it's gotten me nowhere." The words were virtually no more than a raised whisper, but they were close enough that Neela felt that they were being shouted at her, forceful and threatening. "You can't expect to come here at midnight and get the soft side of my tongue, Neela. You don't deserve it either."

She screwed her hands into tight balls, pushing them down, deforming the front pocket so it resembled the snakes currently tying her stomach in knots.

"Sometimes, I think you forget who left whom. Who, exactly, was betrayed here? I've been…as conciliatory as a man can be expected to be given the circumstances. And time and time again, it gets thrown back at me." He paused, drew a long breath. "How well you managed for the last 5 years without me, how Mina didn't need me for the previous 5 years."

"I…" Neela faltered – answers and excuses and protests apparently useless.

"It's tiring, Neela." Ray admitted, dropping animated hands to his side. "Exhausting, in fact. You're so defensive all the time,"

"Defensive?" She challenged, narrowing her eyes, glitteringly angry. "Don't I –"

"Defensive, Neela." He muttered, irritated. "It's infuriating. I didn't miss those 5 years by choice, so stop using them as a weapon, will you?"

Neela felt her defences take a direct hit. He knew, of course he knew. The walls she'd built around herself suddenly felt shakier than they had for 5 years.

"_You_ left me, _you _walked away, _you _chose to do this alone."

"I...I…" Neela spluttered, anger choking her.

"I _loved_ you, Neela." He exclaimed, frustration and irritation exploding to the surface in the simplest terms he could think of. Neela rocked back on her heels at the very vehemence of the statement. "In fact, dammit, I still do. And I'm doing my best to help you but you're so fucking proud."

"I lov - " Neela began instinctively, his words filtering into her brain. She reeled when she realised what he'd just said. Her response broke itself off, and she felt her jaw drop ever so slightly. "Wait, what?"

Ray blinked rapidly, his resolve wavering. Had he really just…? _Damn_. That was really stupid.

"I…I didn't mean - " He cut himself off, ran a hand through his hair. "Shit."

"Well," Neela murmured, chewing on the edge of her lip. She really wasn't quite sure what she should say. Somehow, it didn't matter. She could get mad and push him away again, go on the extreme defensive. Or she could soften and let him in.

Whatever happened was going to hurt.

"Neela – "

"Don't…just let me…" She brought a hand up to silence him, to stop his explanation before it started. "Fuck, Ray. Do you know what you just said?"

He closed his eyes, exhaled slowly and deliberately from between clenched teeth. He nodded.

"Yeah." He admitted quietly, clearly embarrassed. "Can you forget I said it? I…"

"I can't forget – " Neela affirmed, allowing her edges to bend and soften, her defensiveness melting down. " – so the question really is, can you forgive?"

"I already – " The lies would have been easy, but just that…a lie. So he corrected himself. "I'm working on it."

"And I promise I'll work on being less – "

"Defensive…" He broke across her, lightly mocking. She narrowed her eyes in return. "Controlling…"

Decisively, she grabbed for his hand, smiling wryly at the surprise in his eyes when she did so. Their hands made contact, and it'd be stupid to deny it felt the same way as it always had.

"Proud…?"

"Yes." Neela allowed the smile to form fully now, filter into her eyes, and she squeezed the familiar hand in hers. "All of that."


End file.
